Opposite of demisexual? Am I part of the A community?

[sinahbt]

Hi everyone.

 

Can someone please help me? So I'm 30 years old and all my life I've not experienced sexual attraction to the people i have a stable emotional connection with (aka my boyfriends). I am gay and I always have been interested in NSA random people that I don't know anything about for sexual attraction. My love towards my boyfriends has always been real but I wouldn't even have an erection with them anymore. I'd love to kiss, cuddle, play around in the bed but not in penetration anymore. I've only kept having the sexual attraction with abusive partners who I knew deep down are not the real partners I want (basically they were as good as a stranger). It's been only a few months that I identify as Gay Aromantic / asexual, as in sex and love don't fit in the same box for me. Like I would definitely find my boyfriend hot but before and after he is in bed with me. Usually amyl helps with getting thrown away from the emotion and performing penetrative sex better. A friend of mine says it's anxiety (!) And I'm like NO IT IS NOT. Already all my gay friends are asking me WHAT'S THE CURE or HOW CAN YOU FIX IT? Like I know it won't be easy to find a partner who understand me easily but I don't feel broken!

 

What would you think? I really like to figure this out.

 

Thanks 

[Janus the Fox]

Move to The Grey Area, Sex and Related Discussions

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

[Guest]

21 hours ago, sinahbt said:

I've only kept having the sexual attraction with abusive partners who I knew deep down are not the real partners I want (basically they were as good as a stranger).

Hi and welcome to AVEN

 

Are you saying you desire sex with boyfriends you're not in love with, or just that you find them "hot" to look at? If you desire sexual intimacy at any point, even with someone you're not in love with, that is a kind of desire common to sexuals.  However if you just find them "hot" but with no actual desire to have sex with them, that is common for asexuals

 

 

[sinahbt]

44 minutes ago, PanFicto. said:

Hi and welcome to AVEN

 

Are you saying you desire sex with boyfriends you're not in love with, or just that you find them "hot" to look at? If you desire sexual intimacy at any point, even with someone you're not in love with, that is a kind of desire common to sexuals.  However if you just find them "hot" but with no actual desire to have sex with them, that is common for asexuals

 

 

Hey PanFicto

 

Thank you for the time you spent on this reply. Simple to say: "I stop having sexual desire when I have emotional feelings for someone" and I have sexual tension only towards those that I have no feelings for.

 

On the other hand, I find masturbation way more interesting than sex and even after a very hot sex session still I feel the need to experience orgasm alone by myself without anyone else by my side.

 

 

[Guest]

9 hours ago, sinahbt said:

Thank you for the time you spent on this reply. Simple to say: "I stop having sexual desire when I have emotional feelings for someone" and I have sexual tension only towards those that I have no feelings for.

Ah okay thanks for the clarification!! There is actually a term for that called Lithosexual (I think that's how its spelled). While it's not actually asexuality (because asexuality is no desire for partnered sex at all) you might still find you have a lot in common with aces! I'm not asexual, but I've been hanging out here since 2013 because I have more in common with people here than anywhere else So you are still welcome in this community even if you don't perfectly fit the definition of asexual! 🍰