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What's the difference between attraction and desire?


Some Call Me Tim

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Some Call Me Tim

So the title sums up my question perfectly.  What's the difference between sexual attraction and sexual desire?  Is it a theoretical difference?  A subjective difference that's different from person to person?  Or are they essentially the same? 

 

I love philosophy and psychology and read quite a lot of both.  A first glance, it seems that it's just a question of agency; that is, where the locus of action is.  In desire, the agent is within oneself, while attraction seems to externalise the agency, something outside of oneself is acting upon one.  In different words, active versus passive.  But I don't know, and I want to hear other people's thoughts.

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NickyTannock

I could be wrong, but from what I understand, an attraction leads to a directed desire.

So if you were sexually attracted to someone, it would mean that your feelings are leading you to desire sexual activity with them.

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29 minutes ago, Some Call Me Tim said:

A first glance, it seems that it's just a question of agency; that is, where the locus of action is.  In desire, the agent is within oneself, while attraction seems to externalise the agency, something outside of oneself is acting upon one. 

That's an interesting angle. I don't think it fully captures all the subtlety, and of course since these are such subjective things there will be widely varying interpretations. 

 

I think calling desire a matter of internal agency implies people have active control over this. That's a very difficult feat that not everyone can master. Intrinsic desire is an innate feeling. It comes before thoughts. Thoughts verbalize feelings, and sometimes will dispute them, as thoughts can be consciously elaborated if. It's the thinking that gives agency. Agency is in interpretation and behaviour.

 

But as far as how people assign responsibility to these things, attraction is more flexible in being assigned responsibility to the object one is attracted to. When people feel attracted to another person, it's the other person with a gravitational pull. When people desire another person, they're trying to pull the other person towards them to fill a void inside. Some people see these as the same thing, or at least hand in hand, but that ignores that there are people who feel desire and have a void to be filled. That's what sexually motivates people. 

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Some Call Me Tim
53 minutes ago, Snao Cone (me) said:

I think calling desire a matter of internal agency implies people have active control over this. That's a very difficult feat that not everyone can master. Intrinsic desire is an innate feeling. It comes before thoughts. Thoughts verbalize feelings, and sometimes will dispute them, as thoughts can be consciously elaborated if. It's the thinking that gives agency. Agency is in interpretation and behaviour.

 

But as far as how people assign responsibility to these things, attraction is more flexible in being assigned responsibility to the object one is attracted to. When people feel attracted to another person, it's the other person with a gravitational pull. When people desire another person, they're trying to pull the other person towards them to fill a void inside. Some people see these as the same thing, or at least hand in hand, but that ignores that there are people who feel desire and have a void to be filled. That's what sexually motivates people. 

I hadn't thought about that part of agency when I used the word ... I was thinking more about the passive/active aspect, which you touch on the second paragraph.

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I'mTheDecoy
19 hours ago, Some Call Me Tim said:

A first glance, it seems that it's just a question of agency; that is, where the locus of action is.  In desire, the agent is within oneself, while attraction seems to externalise the agency, something outside of oneself is acting upon one.  In different words, active versus passive. 

I think I agree with this, although it is a bit high-brow for me.

 

Basically I think that desire is wanting something and attraction is a physical reaction to something. So the simile I usually use is that I like the idea of pickled onions - when I see them in movies and TV they look so good, so I want to eat them (DESIRE) but when I have actually gone near a picked onion in real life I smell the vinegar and am turned right off the idea (ATTRACTION).

 

So similarly, I might 'desire' an actor in a movie, like I might be able to imagine kissing them or whatever, but if I met the actor in real life I know I would feel nothing for them, sexually, because I never have for anyone.

 

 

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GlamRocker

I think attraction is a physical pull towards someone, and that pull can be viewed as having originated in the person that attracts, or in the person who is attracted. It seems most people think it originates from the person that attracts... but I think it originates in the person who is attracted.

 

I think this attraction is/becomes sexual when this pull (whether based on personality or looks or both) either begins from or RESULTS in an appreciation/interest of the object of affections physical form (whether this is a sensual or traditionally sexual interest.) I think both of these interests are sexual attraction on some level... because they are still an interest in the other person's physical form.

 

However, I think sexual attraction only becomes sexual desire when this attraction is coupled with a desire to engage in sexual activity with the object of affection. Yes, I not only think its 100% possible to be sexually attracted to someone and yet still just lack the desire to engage in sexual activity with them... I also think it's normal. I'll bet most people experience this sometimes... and SOME people experience this every time lol

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binary suns

imo sexual desire is a wanting for sexual touch or behavior, and sexual attraction is a more abstract term that describes the broader realm of attraction as a whole.

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I consider them almost synonymous, but with subtle differences. The others have explained this with better phrasing than I could have. 

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