Guest Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 Including myself, I've seen a lot of posts asking other AVEN members if they are aromantic or they just haven't met the "right person" yet. I've definitely received the classic "You just haven't met the right person yet" from family and friends. What exactly does the "right person" mean? The person who is able to get you to feel any romantic attraction at all, or the person who is the right life partner for you e.g., the most compatible. I feel like the "right person" is not the correct in terms of defining romanticism. What if you are romantic but never meet the right person? Conversely, what if you are sexual but never meet the "right person" for you to want to express your sexuality with? Does that make you aromantic asexual or you are just unlucky? I don't know if this makes any sense, but I feel like the "right person" is a confusing and misleading term. Maybe I am off base here but I want to see what others think of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 It's a rhetorical statement. It's supposed to be persuasive, suggestive, and not to be countered, questioned or debated, but really has no literal sincerity and is often filled to the brim with utter bollocks. Link to post Share on other sites
MakeupJunkie4 Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 I think, generally speaking, "the right person" means someone that you become romantically/sexually attracted to. Some people really believe that there's "someone" for everyone, and that this mythical person will be the "perfect match" for you and suddenly you'll become all lovey-dovey, sexy smoochy, etc. It's also a given that this "right person will be someone you'll magically want to "settle down with" and have a family, even if you have no desire to do so - you'll want to with the "right person". At least, that's what I've experienced with most people I've known. One older guy I worked with was like an uncle/grandpa to me, very nice and kind - but OMG he was so like that. He kept trying to give me marriage advice, and when I politely explained that I was happy being single, he nodded and said, "Oh, sure - but this is for when you get older!" and kept talking about how to do marriage right. It infuriated me because at the time I was 26, not a jr. higher or something. Sheesh. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 I had a lot more things to write here... but it's just all so negative. I believe, no such person exists. At first, but, someone can become it, over time and growth. Especially so, since I'm hard as ******* to really open up... 😕 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 But what if you are sexually and romantically attracted to the "wrong person?" Going off of the right person being the best possible match for you. And you live without ever meeting the "right person." You are still a romantic and sexual person in my eyes. I feel that whether or not one finds the "right" person shouldn't be equated to aromanticism. Idk it's Friday and my brain is fried today hahahah Link to post Share on other sites
songchick Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 18 minutes ago, MakeupJunkie444 said: Some people really believe that there's "someone" for everyone, and that this mythical person will be the "perfect match" for you and suddenly you'll become all lovey-dovey, sexy smoochy, etc. It's also a given that this "right person will be someone you'll magically want to "settle down with" and have a family, even if you have no desire to do so - you'll want to with the "right person". I have never, EVER wanted to get married and have kids. I never played house as a kid! How would that feeling magically appear if it was never there throughout my childhood and life? It's weird though. For me, no one approaches me ever, I definitely give off "uninterested" vibes, hehe. Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 1 hour ago, LibraGirl said: What exactly does the "right person" mean? In a word, nothing. I hate basketball. Does it mean I just haven't watched the right basketball game? My friends hate licorice. Have they just not tried the right kind? A lot of people on AVEN dislike pineapple on pizza. Have they not eaten the right pineapple pizza? It just doesn't work that way. To me when someone says "you just haven't had the right XYZ", they're projecting their own experiences with XYZ onto you and hoping you'll change at some point to affirm their worldview. Even if they mean well, they're still assuming the happiness that sex/romance has brought them, or others, must universally apply to you, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 1 hour ago, songchick said: I have never, EVER wanted to get married and have kids. I never played house as a kid! How would that feeling magically appear if it was never there throughout my childhood and life? It's weird though. For me, no one approaches me ever, I definitely give off "uninterested" vibes, hehe. Wow this reminds me of when I was a kid and I LOVED to decorate the house and pose my dolls but one day my aunt was like "no you're doing it wrong, think up stories!" and I was kinda ...? Why? . Anyway this "am I asexual or just unlucky?" bit is golden. Also, would like to tattoo. Yes, things are not so black and white ........ Which is why when someone honestly opens up about their orientation you should nod, not question lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 I definitely want to have a t-shirt that says "Am I Asexual or Just Unlucky?" with a black four-leaf clover at the end. 1 hour ago, RoseGoesToYale said: I hate basketball. Does it mean I just haven't watched the right basketball game? My friends hate licorice. Have they just not tried the right kind? A lot of people on AVEN dislike pineapple on pizza. Have they not eaten the right pineapple pizza? It just doesn't work that way. To me when someone says "you just haven't had the right XYZ", they're projecting their own experiences with XYZ onto you and hoping you'll change at some point to affirm their worldview. Even if they mean well, they're still assuming the happiness that sex/romance has brought them, or others, must universally apply to you, too. Yeah you make a good point. What is considered "right" is what is right for them. Never thought of it that way. I think it could be damaging to both aromantics and romantics (those who never find the right person for them due to life circumstances and whathaveyou) Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted May 23, 2020 Share Posted May 23, 2020 25 minutes ago, LibraGirl said: I definitely want to have a t-shirt that says "Am I Asexual or Just Unlucky?" with a black four-leaf clover at the end. Yeah you make a good point. What is considered "right" is what is right for them. Never thought of it that way. I think it could be damaging to both aromantics and romantics (those who never find the right person for them due to life circumstances and whathaveyou) I'd buy that !!! Link to post Share on other sites
DarkStormyKnight Posted May 28, 2020 Share Posted May 28, 2020 Yeahhhh the "right person" argument is utter BS. There is no "right person" for anyone really, since people don't pop into each other's lives perfect for them. Relationships take work from both ends and therefore it isn't something innate in them. It's just a damaging phrase people like to fall back on when pestering aces/aros. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkStormyKnight Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 9 hours ago, CBC said: No one is perfect, no, but I do think there can be a 'right person'. Not necessarily saying that in the sense that asexuals just need to find their 'right person' to make them suddenly not asexual, though. (But... it could happen for some.) True, there are qualities that make some people better for each other than others, I just meant that there isn't going to be a """soul mate""" that falls out of the sky for anyone, regardless of orientation. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted May 29, 2020 Share Posted May 29, 2020 I did the "you just need to find the right person" to myself, for most of my life, although no one else ever offered that to me for some reason. In fact even now, sometime I find myself thinking that briefly once in a while. It's somehow hard to let go of. Link to post Share on other sites
AmberUK Posted May 30, 2020 Share Posted May 30, 2020 The only people I have found that don't annoy me after about 3.5 yrs is my bff (we lived together for 10yrs!) and my cats. TBH I think cats are the way to go for some reason you don't need to find a soul mate/right one with cats (or dogs/bunnies/snakes etc) they are all the right one esp rescue ones. Now people get divorced more then they used to are soul mates/right ones harder to find? Link to post Share on other sites
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