Homoromantic asexual?

[Guest]

Hello homoromantic aces! I recalled a conversation I had with a friend about my dating experiences several months back. I dated women but I was always uncomfortable being with them - being intimate and sexual that is. I could never make it past a first date except one time when I actually made it to the infamous "third date", and I had what I felt was an anxiety attack and refused to even get near the girl I was on the date with. I just couldn't initiate anything with these girls even if the opportunity was there. Nothing felt natural. That just doesn't seem normal for an allosexual imo. 

 

The friend I talked to asked if I think I might be ace because I told her the same story I am telling on here, and this has been on my mind for a while. I'm pretty sure I've had crushes on women in the past but I always felt uneasy about the sexual aspect. I used to get teased a lot in high school by other girls about my possible homosexuality and some would pretend to be sexual with me by touching me out of nowhere, flirting with me, etc. I just felt so uncomfortable.

 

What made you realize you were homoromantic asexual and not lesbian (or gay b/c I know some women prefer to use that term)? Does it sound like I might be homoromantic ace as well?

[98slbrookes98]

It sounds like you are asexual and homoromantic but only you can say what you identify as. I had crushes on female teachers, a long unrequited love for a female best friend and then joined a virtual online game called Second Life where I dated various women - I always knew I had romantic but not sexual feelings towards women but thought it was my own idea until I read of asexuality in the newspapers when I was 17. Most of my life I was hindered by India being homophobic and having to hide my sexuality from various family members - between that and people like my mom thinking I was too young to know my own sexuality (she didn't accept it until I was in  my early 20s and since she is an atheist I was even more angry at her behaviour as she didn't have an excuse in my eyes) - while I am open to the possibility of being  biromantic I think it unlikely as I hate the idea of kissing a man on the lips and falling asleep next to a man at night but I'd love to do both with a woman - to make  matters more complicated I have grown to enjoy the freedom of being single and have a lot of emotional baggage from the past meaning a friend or lover would have their work cut out. Whatever anyone says you can fall in love at any age and know your sexuality at any age. Welcome to the ace community. 

[Guest]

you sound uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality to me? (edit: like yourself with a woman I mean)

 

I love intimacy with women and I don't even ID as homoromantic, haha. Not sex, but I mean, their bodies are frikken amazing ❤️ The female body is proof that god exists lol

 

You don't sound homoromantic to me  

[Quanmar]

Oh my! I just experienced something pretty similar! I've always considered myself as lesbian, and started dating a girl about two months ago. I was never a person that would give others physical contacts, and once thought that I looked forward to have intimacy and sex with a girl (because I sometimes feel lonely and want to be hugged, and I watch pron and also masturbate). Until about a month ago, I had some small arguments with her, my feelings changed and I seemed to realize something. Thinking back onto the intimacies we had (hugs and kisses on the cheek), I felt really uncomfortable, and I also realized that I actually never enjoyed the kisses (even at that moment, which was before the argument, so has nothing to do with my emotions), not to mention having sex. That's when it suddenly came to my mind that I might be asexual. The latest update is that I broke up with the girl, and I feel so fresh and free!

Just my own experience for your reference~ Hope it helped~

[binary suns]

I"m panromantic and I had to look to my past and remember my five crushes that I've had to figure it out. I experienced crushes but at the time didn't understand them to be a crush because honestly my orientation is confusing, a lot of grey area that made it seem to me like I was normal heterosexual person. 

 

ultimately my romantic orientation was easier to understand than to come to terms with being asexual, I know that I had crushes (which I didn't identify them that way at first) helped me to understand that I am panromantic and possibly demiromantic but I'm not sure yet if I'm demi or not.  Sometimes only time (and more experiences) will tell. 

 

you could be homoromantic asexual, but I don't know you like you do. You have to figure it out yourself, so I hope you can get some insight from AVEN to help guide you on determining your orientation. 

 

edit: it ocurs to me that it's possible you wanted friendship with the girls you met and romantic stuff pushed you away? I thought my squishes were crushes when I was younger, and it led to a lot of stress in making friendships because I didn't know that what I wanted wasn't romance. Something to think about, since you said the dates made you uncomfortable. 

 

 

[Guest]

 

 

This helps clear things up. Thanks guys  

 

Homoromantic asexual 

 

6 hours ago, PanFicto. said:

you sound uncomfortable with the idea of homosexuality to me? (edit: like yourself with a woman I mean)

Yes!!! You're right I don't even think I'm homoromantic anymore 😂

 

I do think about kissing and ya know, doing sexy things with women a lot but I just don't seem to be actively pursuing it irl. Maybe it's just a curiosity thing and not what I actually want.

 

19 minutes ago, Float On said:

edit: it ocurs to me that it's possible you wanted friendship with the girls you met and romantic stuff pushed you away? I thought my squishes were crushes when I was younger, and it led to a lot of stress in making friendships because I didn't know that what I wanted wasn't romance. Something to think about, since you said the dates made you uncomfortable

It's possible! I never thought that I wanted ot be friends with them but maybe subconsciously that's what I wanted. The romantic gestures definitely made me feel terrified.