maddiee Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 hi guys !! i am really new all of this and i am super confused and nervous. i feel like venting about my thoughts to other people that might understand how i feel is the best thing to do right now. i didn’t really ever consider that i might ace for a long time, i always thought i would “grow into” having sexual attraction. but as i am approaching my 17 birthday in a couple of weeks, i don’t think that is the case. i think i tried running from doing research about asexuality for a long time, because i really didn’t want to accept that i may be ace. i’m still unsure if i am my brain really feels like scrambled eggs. basically let me break done some reasons why i think i might be ace and i completely understand that nobody can tell me if i am or not, but i would love some feedback, advice, etc. alright to set this straight first: i have always had crushes on boys, but this attraction is completely based off physical appearance and personality instead of sexual attraction as far as i know. i recently had my first boyfriend and he was a very sexual person, and i had absolutely NO interest in doing anything of the sort at all. i was fine with doing other things like kissing and hand holding but that was about it. our relationship did not last very long bc i was not willing to give into his pressure (along with him being toxic but that’s not the point). this relationship made me realize that i don’t think i have ever felt sexual attraction ever at all. i really thought that was normal and that’s how everyone my age was, but as i continue to grow up i have realized that isn’t the case. i have always loved the idea of love and still really want to be in a relationship someday, but i am starting to lose hope that i will be able to have that without sex. i have avoided relationships purely because i know that the other person will want that from me someday. even if someone was “willing to wait” until i was ready, i honestly don’t think that day will come. i think i am starting to come to terms with the fact that is might now be because “i’m not ready” or even because the idea of sex is gross to me (which is kinda is to me), but i just lack sexual attraction period. the closest thing i have found to identify as is asexual heteroaromatic but i am just really not sure. i am kinda scared of committing to a label because that will make it real. i also really don’t want to mislabel myself and then find out that i was wrong because i guess i could be a “late bloomer” i literally don’t know. there is nothing wrong with being ace but as someone that really wants to like be married and be in love, i think that accepting this part of me is going to make it harder for me to have that. but i also don’t want to suppress how i feel anymore, so i’m going to really take the time to research and figure this out. i’m sorry if i sounded all over the place and that this post is so long, if you actually read all of this thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Quail Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 7 minutes ago, maddiee said: i am kinda scared of committing to a label because that will make it real. i also really don’t want to mislabel myself and then find out that i was wrong because i guess i could be a “late bloomer” i literally don’t know. It's okay if labels aren't a perfect fit! Lot's of people here, and in the LGBTQ community in general, experiment with different labels to see what fits best. They can get confusing, and some prefer to not use them. It's all a matter of comfort, and what you feel best doing. From your experiences, the asexual label might fit you. I can't say for sure. There's nothing wrong with taking your time, so if you feel unsure, you don't have to rush anything. I wish you the best of luck in your journey of self discovery! 🍰 🍰 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 Moved to Asexual Musings and Rantings Janus Darkfox Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
actualcakebytheocean Posted May 21, 2020 Share Posted May 21, 2020 I totally get how you're feeling. I've been there. Labels, and what they mean can be intimidating. You may find a label you're comfortable with, you may not. Either is fine. You may identify with one label for a period of time, and then find another that describes you better. It's all about what you're comfortable with, and you don't have to stress about it. Just do what you feel best with. Even if you might be a late bloomer, if "asexual" is the label you feel fits you right now, that's okay. I could be considered a late bloomer too (I'm 16) but right now I feel the term asexual is what really describes me. And I get you with worrying about finding love as an asexual. I worry about that too. It's tough, and I'm afraid I don't have any advice for that, but know you're not alone. There's tons of people here that get how you're feeling. I wish you all the best! 💜 Link to post Share on other sites
BirdsAreBetter Posted May 31, 2020 Share Posted May 31, 2020 On 5/22/2020 at 12:39 AM, actualcakebytheocean said: I totally get how you're feeling. I've been there. Labels, and what they mean can be intimidating. You may find a label you're comfortable with, you may not. Either is fine. You may identify with one label for a period of time, and then find another that describes you better. It's all about what you're comfortable with, and you don't have to stress about it. Just do what you feel best with. Even if you might be a late bloomer, if "asexual" is the label you feel fits you right now, that's okay. I could be considered a late bloomer too (I'm 16) but right now I feel the term asexual is what really describes me. And I get you with worrying about finding love as an asexual. I worry about that too. It's tough, and I'm afraid I don't have any advice for that, but know you're not alone. There's tons of people here that get how you're feeling. I wish you all the best! 💜 I turned 17 a few days ago and I still worry about whether I'm a late bloomer sometimes, but like you say, I definitely feel asexual right now and so I use the word as a way to express my feelings at the moment. It doesn't matter if they change later, this is just how I feel right now! Link to post Share on other sites
Treble The Dog Posted June 3, 2020 Share Posted June 3, 2020 I'm 13 and I always thought I was just stupid,because I never felt attraction or had a crush on anyone and my classmates would always tell me I'm a lesbian because I dress very manly,so I just became a lesbian because I was tired of not having an identity,but then I started feeling more unhappy until finally I decided that maybe there was a sexuality for not being attracted to people,and a found asexuality,and denied it until the corona virus started and I was determined to find my true identity,I denied for some days until I decided that asexuality was nothing to be ashamed about and came out to my brothers and my mom,so its ok if you're confused Link to post Share on other sites
Liana Posted June 4, 2020 Share Posted June 4, 2020 I think I was 15 when I started realizing that I was asexual (and am now 18). As far as I’m aware, the vast majority of people develop sexual feelings early on into puberty (if not earlier, as people like Freud would try telling you). I’m weird in that I can see a lot of girls as cute, but physical appearance is not the main thing that leads to me developing a crush on someone. I’ve found that personality is the main thing, and I end up developing crushes on girls that I’ve been friends with for a fair amount of time. Sorry about how your boyfriend treated you (from what you mention, he reminds me of my first girlfriend). Ultimately, labels are meant to help people define themselves and relate to others. If you end up being a late bloomer, you end up being a late bloomer. That doesn’t invalidate how you feel currently. Cherish who you are in the present, and what your love would mean to someone. There are plenty of fish in the sea, and while most aren’t for you, there is one out there that is. Part of me wishes that I’m secretly demisexual (I doubt it at this point) or that I’m simply a late bloomer. As I am now. I am asexual. Focusing too much on the possibilities of the future can be dangerous. Don’t best yourself up over your feelings. There are many Heteromantic asexuals here, while it is difficult to find someone, that is part of dating anyways. Don’t lose hope, I believe in you! Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Lark Posted June 5, 2020 Share Posted June 5, 2020 Labels are great, if you want them, and are ok with them. If not, don't worry about making sure you're subcategorized. You're a person, not a book on a shelf. These are all words that can describe parts of you, and they can be empowering, or they can be restrictive, and often it's others that try and force their ideas of which is should be on others, but it's your decision. If you're not 100% comfortable with a label, maybe it's because you're not 100% that thing, maybe it's because you're not the type to think you need to be labeled to be you. Maybe it's because you're still so young (I'm in my 40's, I can say that 😉) and discovering what it even means to be you, and that's all ok. The truth is, almost no one has their shit together at your age, but everyone is desperate to hide that from their peers. Once you all get a little older and start to really realize that, things calm, people are more open to things that are outside their personal norm. If you feel like you're an ace now, or if you're just a late bloomer I feel the most important thing is to stay true to who you are. If that person, regardless of who you'll become later isn't into the sex thing, that is completely fine, normal, ok, and do not let anyone convince you otherwise. Sometimes it takes time to find what you want, and there is nothing wrong with that. Link to post Share on other sites
maddiee Posted June 7, 2020 Author Share Posted June 7, 2020 ^^ i just wanted to thank everyone for the lovely replies!! i haven’t been on in a while and it was so nice to come back to so many people being supportive and reminding me there are people out there that understand how i’m feeling. i don’t have the time to reply individually to every one of you, but if any of you somehow come back to find this, thank you so much! Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted June 8, 2020 Share Posted June 8, 2020 Don't worry too hard about the label, just use it for as long as it accurately reflects your current situation. No shame in the potentiality of revisiting the label and checking again to see if it fits and you find out it doesn't anymore. People naturally change and evolve as time goes on. This could be one of the things that does change... or maybe it won't. Either way, if it accurately reflects you right now, there's no harm in using it for now. Heteroromantic ace does seem like a fitting label for now at the very least. If you don't want to commit to the label, that's fine, too. I totally get that feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.