am I overthinking?

[smh]

okay, so i've known that i'm ace for about 2 months now, and was identifying as a heteroromantic ace for that period of time (not 100% willing but i thought that it was close enough and it was fine for the time being, and i could always change my label later). now i'm starting to question my label again. i've thought more and more about being biromantic for many reasons. i don't entirely care what my significant other looks like, they just need a good personality. i've always known i like guys, but have questioned since early high school (i'm a sophomore in college now) if i also like girls. if it was just for this, i would have an easier time determining this; however, i've been having internal battles with myself about this whole thing. i do think girls are extremely attractive (in multiple ways), but idk if this feeling is just a romantic attraction or aesthetic attraction. i'm also scared of what people will say when i come out (in general, no one knows that i'm ace yet, and i feel like i need everything figured out before i tell people). i'm a huge people pleaser and have a lot of anxiety about making sure i make other people happy in my life. and i'm wondering if that's impacting me from knowing that i'm bi.

 

i should also mention that i've never had a definite crush on a girl (at least that i've known of, or one that lasts for multiple days), but i have fancied the idea of having a girlfriend and kissing different girls. this also makes me question whether i'm actually a biromantic or if i just want to be and am confusing myself.

 

another thing to add, i don't feel 100% comfortable with the label heteroromantic, biromantic, nor just queer. but, i do like knowing what's going on with my body/mind, so labels are calming to me. i understand that sexuality/romanticism is fluid and i could always change what i identify as later, but i like being able to stick to things and not have to change what i tell people multiple times (mostly because i feel like i'll be pressured in one way or another or that the people will have too many questions that i can't answer at that time, and i like having answers to things). 

 

if someone could give me any sort of advice/personal experience/other information that would be greatly appreciated. i know this was kind of long and probably pretty confusing, but i've been thinking about it pretty much nonstop for the past day or two.

[Rhyn Corinn]

12 minutes ago, smh said:

i should also mention that i've never had a definite crush on a girl (at least that i've known of, or one that lasts for multiple days), but i have fancied the idea of having a girlfriend and kissing different girls. this also makes me question whether i'm actually a biromantic or if i just want to be and am confusing myself.

While I'm not allowed to label you, I would say it sounds like you could be biromantic. I don't know that you necessarily have to have a crush on a specific person to know your romantic orientation. Since you do seem to like the idea of having a girlfriend, it's possible you could be biromantic but just haven't met 'the right girl' yet? Also, not all biromantics experience equal attraction, and I think some have said they experience attraction differently, though as I'm not biromantic myself I don't know exactly what that looks like. On the other side, if your feelings are more just liking the possibility of having a girlfriend rather than actively desiring one, then you might not be biromantic. IMO it all depends on how you feel about it personally.

 

27 minutes ago, smh said:

another thing to add, i don't feel 100% comfortable with the label heteroromantic, biromantic, nor just queer. but, i do like knowing what's going on with my body/mind, so labels are calming to me. i understand that sexuality/romanticism is fluid and i could always change what i identify as later, but i like being able to stick to things and not have to change what i tell people multiple times

You could also consider the label panromantic if you don't like hetero or bi. That's just an idea, though; it may not work for you either. And as far as labels go...I think I know where you're coming from. I always want to have definite labels for myself to make things solid and concrete, but unfortunately they don't always work. And while I've found a lot of labels that work well for me (asexual, heteroromantic, etc.), there are other aspects of me that were...not so easily defined. And I found that when I tried to define them by terms that were already established, I think I ended up doing more harm than good. So while labels can definitely be helpful, they can also be limiting at times and might make you feel that you have to fit into a perfect 'box' instead of letting you explore your identity more freely. My advice would be to try and figure out how you feel first, and then see if any labels fit those feelings, if that makes any sense. Sort of like: see if the label fits your identity, instead of trying to make your identity fit into a label.

 

Anyway, I wish you luck in exploring your identity and hope it goes well for you!

[Ella Joy]

It definitely does sound like you might be biromantic, but don't take our advice as fact, you know?

 

This sounds pretty similar to what I experienced-- although I know that I have had crushes on girls now, when I decided to use the biromantic label it was just a gut feeling that it was the right word for my experiences.