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How can an asexual become aroused if there's no attraction to people?

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R_1
4 hours ago, ryn2 said:

As teens and adults we “read” people as male, female, etc. based on secondary sex characteristics and behaviors.

I dunno about you, but I certainly never read people as male/female for their behaviors. You can have very different manners to stereotypes, and I will look to something else to read because there are so many people that contradict that norms when considering variance.

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Float On

 

On 5/20/2020 at 3:01 PM, Hanas said:

 

In other words, yeah it's innate but it is also societal - it depends on what you are able to do. Maybe some people who could be naturally homosexuals are not because the repression leads to anxiety which makes them unable to enjoy partnered sex with people of the same gender ... Who knows? 

 

Thats #deep and I should be working cuz work is late. Sigh. Bye lol 

I think that yes social acceptance would affect the stats of who is what sexuality but ultimately it wouldn’t be a large difference. People know they’re into someone, repression will only go so far in so many people. In other words, the effect of society is smaller than the natural instinct of attraction. By and large, people discover their orientation experientially from their crushes and relationships and intimacy. Society only affects their freedom to explore or to follow through

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ryn2
1 hour ago, R_1 said:

You can have very different manners to stereotypes

Definitely true, but I think people do look to those cues if they’re not sure of someone’s gender.  While the actuality of being nonbinary or agender isn’t at all new, the idea of it (getting any press) *is* relatively recent... for older people, and/or more conservative cultures/geographies, it’s not always a concept that’s caught on widely.

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Hanas
53 minutes ago, Float On said:

 

I think that yes social acceptance would affect the stats of who is what sexuality but ultimately it wouldn’t be a large difference. People know they’re into someone, repression will only go so far in so many people. In other words, the effect of society is smaller than the natural instinct of attraction. By and large, people discover their orientation experientially from their crushes and relationships and intimacy. Society only affects their freedom to explore or to follow through

... Guess this is why I am asexual again ; too many years realizing to which extent I seem to completely lack this mystic sexual internal physiological component. In my experience it's always been sorta "hey, have crushes!" and "o-o-ok" and try to feel it as they do and sort it out. Had nobody ever told me that as a person I should have sex one day, ... Doubt I'd ever consider it. Thus for me it's like 100% social but I guess it's often not. 

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LibraGirl
5 hours ago, Serran said:

Asexuals can be disturbed by the lack because of social norms . While a sexual will be disturbed by the lack because something feels missing. Sorting out which one it is, is really something a therapist can help you with. A sexual who is missing a sex drive and is totally OK with who they are, is still going to be missing that part of themselves because they should have it (and usually it's a medical or psychological block preventing it). Whereas, an ace can learn to accept themselves then it doesn't matter to them, cause they don't have any internal desire driving them to miss the sexual drive. 

So sexuals can feel distressed if they lack the sexual desire or maybe the ability to feel aroused (just to circle back to the OP). Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual? Because a sexual would feel that something is lacking while an asexual would only be distressed because of societal expectations (e.g., peer pressure, media, etc.). Trying to see if I'm understanding this correctly.

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Hanas
26 minutes ago, LibraGirl said:

So sexuals can feel distressed if they lack the sexual desire or maybe the ability to feel aroused (just to circle back to the OP). Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual? Because a sexual would feel that something is lacking while an asexual would only be distressed because of societal expectations (e.g., peer pressure, media, etc.). Trying to see if I'm understanding this correctly.

... Personally Id be kinda weirded out like something in me is biologically not great and gonna blow up soon. I'd get distressed and run to the doctor. But that's because I am genetically prone to hormonal diseases/gynecological conditions etc. So again. Individuals. 

 

But I guess many asexuals would barely notice it. 

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PanFicto.
15 hours ago, Philip027 said:

No, what you've been specifically saying is that it's based on "genitals". 

Well what @GlamRocker is saying is true in my case. Genitals are an integral aspect of my gender attraction, and that's the case for many people. Not all though, of course! 

 

If you were sexual, I'd ask if you'd still feel the same about your partner (the exact same attraction etc) if they fully transition into male, including phaloplasty etc. It's a bit more of a grey area with asexuals though.

 

But yeah @GlamRocker is correct, it's just that doesn't apply to everyone of course. For some it's ONLY about gender identity and has nothing to do with genitals.. but those people are usually closer to pansexual.

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Philip027
Quote

But yeah @GlamRocker is correct, it's just that doesn't apply to everyone of course.

If it doesn't apply to everyone, it isn't "correct".

 

Several people in this thread, myself included, have already chimed in saying their romantic attractions don't have anything to do with "genitals", as they kept insisting.

 

Aren't you having to correct many inaccuracies and misconceptions made around here about sexual people?  I would have thought you would have understood what that's like.

 

Quote

If you were sexual, I'd ask if you'd still feel the same about your partner (the exact same attraction etc) if they fully transition into male, including phaloplasty etc. It's a bit more of a grey area with asexuals though.

That's the thing though; I'm not sexual, and they were talking about romantic orientation anyway.

 

If people think romantic orientation is still based on "genitals", I have my doubts that they actually understand what romantic orientation is, and I would suspect it's actually sexual orientation that they're referring to.

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Janus DarkFox

A reminder here, arguing semantics and misconceptions goes nowhere in threads threads topic.  Keeping the topic on track is advisable in keeping civil.

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GlamRocker

@Philip027 If the romantic orientations ARE about gender expression (and not genitals) that means that heteroromantics are attracted to the opposite gender expression from themselves, including the transpeople of that gender expression. Homoromantics are attracted to the same gender expression of themselves, including transpeople of the same gender expression. And panromantics are attracted to both male and female gender expression, including transpeople, plus androgyny (agender, etc.)

 

But wait! What ABOUT agender (androgynous) gender expressions? If the romantic attractions are about gender expression, that means heteroromantics and homoromantics are specifically saying they aren't attracted to androgynously gendered persons. NOW THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE TRUE IN PRACTICE, DOES IT? It seems much more true in practice that these romantic orientations are used to specify the PHYSICAL BODY that the person is attracted to, NOT to the gender expression of the person... as I don't see very many heterromantics or homoromantics talking about how andryogynous gender expressions just, like, really won't work for them. In fact, most of the people on here seem pretty comfortable with androgyny. Just not the "wrong" genitals. Even in your case.

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Aris
16 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual? Because a sexual would feel that something is lacking while an asexual would only be distressed because of societal expectations (e.g., peer pressure, media, etc.). Trying to see if I'm understanding this correctly.

I think that hypothesis is pretty accurate, at least in my experience. After my puberty finished my libido thankfully went away for the most part. I mean I can get aroused if I try hard enough, but I’m not particularly distressed by its absence. I can’t speak for any other aces but I don’t think I would care if it disappeared completely one day.  

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United Pizza 149
18 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual?

That may be the case for a lot of asexuals, but...it would definitely bother me if that happened.

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Philip027
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In fact, most of the people on here seem pretty comfortable with androgyny. Just not the "wrong" genitals. Even in your case.

You don't know a damn thing about my "genital" preferences.  Please stop speaking like you do.

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Serran
7 hours ago, GlamRocker said:

@Philip027 If the romantic orientations ARE about gender expression (and not genitals) that means that heteroromantics are attracted to the opposite gender expression from themselves, including the transpeople of that gender expression. Homoromantics are attracted to the same gender expression of themselves, including transpeople of the same gender expression. And panromantics are attracted to both male and female gender expression, including transpeople, plus androgyny (agender, etc.)

 

But wait! What ABOUT agender (androgynous) gender expressions? If the romantic attractions are about gender expression, that means heteroromantics and homoromantics are specifically saying they aren't attracted to androgynously gendered persons. NOW THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE TRUE IN PRACTICE, DOES IT? It seems much more true in practice that these romantic orientations are used to specify the PHYSICAL BODY that the person is attracted to, NOT to the gender expression of the person... as I don't see very many heterromantics or homoromantics talking about how andryogynous gender expressions just, like, really won't work for them. In fact, most of the people on here seem pretty comfortable with androgyny. Just not the "wrong" genitals. Even in your case.

I am involved in the trans community due to my wife being trans. Gender expression certainly does play into it. Lots of partners of trans people cannot maintain attraction because they are hetero or homosexual and their partner begins behaving more feminine or masculine, without even HRT or surgeries. Right genitals and wrong gender expression, loss of a 20 year happy marriage due to lost attraction. 

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Janus DarkFox
1 hour ago, United Pizza 149 said:
19 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual?

That may be the case for a lot of asexuals, but...it would definitely bother me if that happened.

That would bother me Health wise more than anything else.  Sure, I'd prefer no arousal in accordance with my sexuality and gender, but to lose it completely without doing anything to dimmish it via HRT, for me that could be a start of Prostate issues at my advancing age.  Arousal is the first thing to go with prostatic illnesses, long before urination becomes a problem.  Due to family histories with cancers in this area, I'm far too aware in this area.

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ryn2
44 minutes ago, Serran said:

Gender expression certainly does play into it. Lots of partners of trans people cannot maintain attraction because they are hetero or homosexual and their partner begins behaving more feminine or masculine, without even HRT or surgeries. Right genitals and wrong gender expression, loss of a 20 year happy marriage due to lost attraction. 

This happened to a friend of mine who is MTF trans.  During/after her transition, she personally retained her own attraction to women... but her (now ex-) wife, who identifies as heterosexual, was no longer romantically or sexually attracted to my friend as she became more and more female-presenting.  They have remained friends and share custody of a child born before my friend’s transition, but divorced shortly after my friend began HRT and have both moved on to new relationships.  To quote my friend, her (ex-) wife “just didn’t want to be married to another woman.”

 

Like anything else, different people have different experiences.

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Float On

There are other secondary sex characteristics besides genitals don’t you know?
 

 

And trying to pick apart attraction on the level I’m seeing in this thread seems disconnected from the emotional and irrational nature of attraction


i can’t really contribute to the discussion much because I’m panromantic. Gender and sex has nothing to do with what  I’m attracted to

 

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GlamRocker
14 hours ago, Float On said:

There are other secondary sex characteristics besides genitals don’t you know?

 

Yes, but these are also physical. (People really are so literal, when I say "genitals" it's just a sum up for "the physical characteristics that denote their sex") Like boobs, flat chest, etc, still COUNT that much is obvious, because, if attraction is based on the sexually distinguishing parts on someone's physical body, it just makes sense that it has a psychosexual element to it, at least.

 

However, if it's about how "masculine" and/or "feminine" a person's personality/appearance/behavior is (gender expression), then yeah, the idea that the romantic attractions aren't psychosexual in some way works.

 

However, I just see a lot of evidence that is not how the romantic orientations are actually used. (Mentioned this evidence in previous posts in the this thread.) Anyway, the point I'm making is that even if the romantic orientations are psychosexual... it doesn't matter. Because it all comes back to naturally lacking sexual desire. The attraction theory is superfluous at best... inaccurate at worst. Of course, I personally think it is inaccurate. Making asexuality not an orientation.

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ryn2
57 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

Making asexuality not an orientation.

What would an asexual person’s sexual orientation be, then?

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GlamRocker
1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

What would an asexual person’s sexual orientation be, then?

Same as their romantic orientation, or whatever porn they watch

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Hanas
9 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

Same as their romantic orientation, or whatever porn they watch

   ... Soo if I am a woman who doesn't enjoy porn but when I do it's cartoon dudes fucking? 

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ryn2
14 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

whatever porn they watch

Yeah, I’m kind of with Hamas on this... not a big porn-watcher, but the stories, porn, anime, etc., I consume are homosexual (male) whereas I am AFAB and don’t identify as a man.

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ryn2

(I may be a bad example as I’m not sure I’m ace but...)

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GlamRocker
8 minutes ago, Hanas said:

   ... Soo if I am a woman who doesn't enjoy porn but when I do it's cartoon dudes fucking? 

straight lol...

 

but I think you're ALSO asexual if you just naturally lack that sexual desire! I believe that's all asexuality is.

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GlamRocker
9 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Yeah, I’m kind of with Hamas on this... not a big porn-watcher, but the stories, porn, anime, etc., I consume are homosexual (male) whereas I am AFAB and don’t identify as a man.

Well, if you are male bodied... then gay. If you are female bodied... then straight. But, like I said in my last post, according to ME, you could also still be asexual

 

 

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Janus DarkFox

A reminder that no one else but yourselves can only label your own orientation, porn consumption does not determine orientation.

 

Also this has come to the attention of the Admod Team,  please do not associate romance with genitals.  Both sexuality and romanticism often are not associated with genitals.  This can feel invalidating for those that don’t tie their orientation to genitalia.

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

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Marlow1

@Brittany_1 I have Aphantasia. Before I met my wife I could not get attracted or aroused. Now, however I can. I know for certainty that the Aphantasia is playing massive role in all this. If you want to know more just ask

 

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

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songchick
4 hours ago, Marlow1 said:

@Brittany_1 I have Aphantasia. Before I met my wife I could not get attracted or aroused. Now, however I can. I know for certainty that the Aphantasia is playing massive role in all this. If you want to know more just ask

 

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

Aphantasia ftw! me too!!

As you know :P 

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