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How can an asexual become aroused if there's no attraction to people?


Brittany_1

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GlamRocker

@Philip027 If the romantic orientations ARE about gender expression (and not genitals) that means that heteroromantics are attracted to the opposite gender expression from themselves, including the transpeople of that gender expression. Homoromantics are attracted to the same gender expression of themselves, including transpeople of the same gender expression. And panromantics are attracted to both male and female gender expression, including transpeople, plus androgyny (agender, etc.)

 

But wait! What ABOUT agender (androgynous) gender expressions? If the romantic attractions are about gender expression, that means heteroromantics and homoromantics are specifically saying they aren't attracted to androgynously gendered persons. NOW THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE TRUE IN PRACTICE, DOES IT? It seems much more true in practice that these romantic orientations are used to specify the PHYSICAL BODY that the person is attracted to, NOT to the gender expression of the person... as I don't see very many heterromantics or homoromantics talking about how andryogynous gender expressions just, like, really won't work for them. In fact, most of the people on here seem pretty comfortable with androgyny. Just not the "wrong" genitals. Even in your case.

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16 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual? Because a sexual would feel that something is lacking while an asexual would only be distressed because of societal expectations (e.g., peer pressure, media, etc.). Trying to see if I'm understanding this correctly.

I think that hypothesis is pretty accurate, at least in my experience. After my puberty finished my libido thankfully went away for the most part. I mean I can get aroused if I try hard enough, but I’m not particularly distressed by its absence. I can’t speak for any other aces but I don’t think I would care if it disappeared completely one day.  

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Rhyn Corinn
18 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual?

That may be the case for a lot of asexuals, but...it would definitely bother me if that happened.

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In fact, most of the people on here seem pretty comfortable with androgyny. Just not the "wrong" genitals. Even in your case.

You don't know a damn thing about my "genital" preferences.  Please stop speaking like you do.

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7 hours ago, GlamRocker said:

@Philip027 If the romantic orientations ARE about gender expression (and not genitals) that means that heteroromantics are attracted to the opposite gender expression from themselves, including the transpeople of that gender expression. Homoromantics are attracted to the same gender expression of themselves, including transpeople of the same gender expression. And panromantics are attracted to both male and female gender expression, including transpeople, plus androgyny (agender, etc.)

 

But wait! What ABOUT agender (androgynous) gender expressions? If the romantic attractions are about gender expression, that means heteroromantics and homoromantics are specifically saying they aren't attracted to androgynously gendered persons. NOW THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO BE TRUE IN PRACTICE, DOES IT? It seems much more true in practice that these romantic orientations are used to specify the PHYSICAL BODY that the person is attracted to, NOT to the gender expression of the person... as I don't see very many heterromantics or homoromantics talking about how andryogynous gender expressions just, like, really won't work for them. In fact, most of the people on here seem pretty comfortable with androgyny. Just not the "wrong" genitals. Even in your case.

I am involved in the trans community due to my wife being trans. Gender expression certainly does play into it. Lots of partners of trans people cannot maintain attraction because they are hetero or homosexual and their partner begins behaving more feminine or masculine, without even HRT or surgeries. Right genitals and wrong gender expression, loss of a 20 year happy marriage due to lost attraction. 

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Janus the Fox
1 hour ago, United Pizza 149 said:
19 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

Hypothetically, if an asexual suddenly loses the ability to feel aroused, it wouldn't bother them as much as it would for a sexual?

That may be the case for a lot of asexuals, but...it would definitely bother me if that happened.

That would bother me Health wise more than anything else.  Sure, I'd prefer no arousal in accordance with my sexuality and gender, but to lose it completely without doing anything to dimmish it via HRT, for me that could be a start of Prostate issues at my advancing age.  Arousal is the first thing to go with prostatic illnesses, long before urination becomes a problem.  Due to family histories with cancers in this area, I'm far too aware in this area.

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44 minutes ago, Serran said:

Gender expression certainly does play into it. Lots of partners of trans people cannot maintain attraction because they are hetero or homosexual and their partner begins behaving more feminine or masculine, without even HRT or surgeries. Right genitals and wrong gender expression, loss of a 20 year happy marriage due to lost attraction. 

This happened to a friend of mine who is MTF trans.  During/after her transition, she personally retained her own attraction to women... but her (now ex-) wife, who identifies as heterosexual, was no longer romantically or sexually attracted to my friend as she became more and more female-presenting.  They have remained friends and share custody of a child born before my friend’s transition, but divorced shortly after my friend began HRT and have both moved on to new relationships.  To quote my friend, her (ex-) wife “just didn’t want to be married to another woman.”

 

Like anything else, different people have different experiences.

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binary suns

There are other secondary sex characteristics besides genitals don’t you know?
 

 

And trying to pick apart attraction on the level I’m seeing in this thread seems disconnected from the emotional and irrational nature of attraction


i can’t really contribute to the discussion much because I’m panromantic. Gender and sex has nothing to do with what  I’m attracted to

 

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GlamRocker
14 hours ago, Float On said:

There are other secondary sex characteristics besides genitals don’t you know?

 

Yes, but these are also physical. (People really are so literal, when I say "genitals" it's just a sum up for "the physical characteristics that denote their sex") Like boobs, flat chest, etc, still COUNT that much is obvious, because, if attraction is based on the sexually distinguishing parts on someone's physical body, it just makes sense that it has a psychosexual element to it, at least.

 

However, if it's about how "masculine" and/or "feminine" a person's personality/appearance/behavior is (gender expression), then yeah, the idea that the romantic attractions aren't psychosexual in some way works.

 

However, I just see a lot of evidence that is not how the romantic orientations are actually used. (Mentioned this evidence in previous posts in the this thread.) Anyway, the point I'm making is that even if the romantic orientations are psychosexual... it doesn't matter. Because it all comes back to naturally lacking sexual desire. The attraction theory is superfluous at best... inaccurate at worst. Of course, I personally think it is inaccurate. Making asexuality not an orientation.

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57 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

Making asexuality not an orientation.

What would an asexual person’s sexual orientation be, then?

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GlamRocker
1 hour ago, ryn2 said:

What would an asexual person’s sexual orientation be, then?

Same as their romantic orientation, or whatever porn they watch

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9 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

Same as their romantic orientation, or whatever porn they watch

   ... Soo if I am a woman who doesn't enjoy porn but when I do it's cartoon dudes fucking? 

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14 minutes ago, GlamRocker said:

whatever porn they watch

Yeah, I’m kind of with Hamas on this... not a big porn-watcher, but the stories, porn, anime, etc., I consume are homosexual (male) whereas I am AFAB and don’t identify as a man.

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(I may be a bad example as I’m not sure I’m ace but...)

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GlamRocker
8 minutes ago, Hanas said:

   ... Soo if I am a woman who doesn't enjoy porn but when I do it's cartoon dudes fucking? 

straight lol...

 

but I think you're ALSO asexual if you just naturally lack that sexual desire! I believe that's all asexuality is.

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GlamRocker
9 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

Yeah, I’m kind of with Hamas on this... not a big porn-watcher, but the stories, porn, anime, etc., I consume are homosexual (male) whereas I am AFAB and don’t identify as a man.

Well, if you are male bodied... then gay. If you are female bodied... then straight. But, like I said in my last post, according to ME, you could also still be asexual

 

 

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Janus the Fox

A reminder that no one else but yourselves can only label your own orientation, porn consumption does not determine orientation.

 

Also this has come to the attention of the Admod Team,  please do not associate romance with genitals.  Both sexuality and romanticism often are not associated with genitals.  This can feel invalidating for those that don’t tie their orientation to genitalia.

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

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@Brittany_1 I have Aphantasia. Before I met my wife I could not get attracted or aroused. Now, however I can. I know for certainty that the Aphantasia is playing massive role in all this. If you want to know more just ask

 

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

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4 hours ago, Marlow1 said:

@Brittany_1 I have Aphantasia. Before I met my wife I could not get attracted or aroused. Now, however I can. I know for certainty that the Aphantasia is playing massive role in all this. If you want to know more just ask

 

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

Aphantasia ftw! me too!!

As you know :P 

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50ShadesOfGreyAndPurple

You can become aroused, because it's a bodily function(similar to salivating) and different from your mental attitudes(salivating whilst not wanting to eat the food in front of you)

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everywhere and nowhere
On 5/23/2020 at 1:09 PM, GlamRocker said:

(People really are so literal, when I say "genitals" it's just a sum up for "the physical characteristics that denote their sex")

Then couldn't you just make it clear? Coldn't you simply write "sex charateristics" or something like that? Really, communicating what you mean is important, particularly if you want to have a reasonably stress-free conversation.

 

For me, personally, this area of the body is irrelevant. I don't want to have anything to do with anyone's private parts anyway. What matters to me is, certainly, personality. I'm not particularly feminine myself - if an online gender test is to be considered credible (and I don't fully trust it, to me it's a simplification - and I don't have access to more professional tests because I have no intention of transitioning), I'm just a tiny bit more "feminine" than "masculine". In others, even though I feel obligated to remember that "feminine" and "masculine" are no absolute values, I can say that I find a "stereotypically male" personality very unappealing. The body matters to me insofar as I feel that I couldn't be in a relationship with someone who presents as male. All the sociocultural implications of heterosexuality are unacceptable to me: relationships based on "complementarity" (a Catholic obsession, by the way) as Better and ones not based on this aspect as Lacking and Imperfect, subordination, the very idea of a woman's weakness and her inherent need to have someone Take Care of her, also the implications of straight sex: that a woman shouldn't decide that her body is her personal property, inaccessible to others. (While I couldn't have lesbian sex either because my sex aversion is, first of all, based on my nudity aversion and I just see no reason to want to become capable of having sex - I still consider lesbian sex much less threatening in this regard.) Because of these implications, I could accept being perceived as a lesbian, even though I'm in fact asexual, but couldn't accept being perceived as heterosexual.

In terms of external appearance, since androgyny was mentioned: in fact I find androgyny very esthetically attractive. I enjoy looking at both masculine women and feminine men, particularly in case of "tomboyish" women there's often also some desire to get to know them better, I just have low social skills and I'm to embarassed to just find an excuse to talk to someone. (At the same time, I'm fully comfortable when there's indeed nothing personal involved, for example asking strangers about time or directions, and I don't understand why some people behave as if talking to strangers was illegal, or, at least, some deeply pathological behaviour.) I can also say that I find more mature (30+) women much more esthetically appealing than very young, very girly, also very fashion-conforming girls who just lack any visible individuality.

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On 5/26/2020 at 6:34 AM, Marlow1 said:

Songchick, this guy has Aphantasia and is writing novels. I have no idea how he can be doing that???? My ability in this area is almost zero. Same with most fiction and fantasy, basically cannot do it. With a lot of help maybe, but not just spontaneously like this guy is describing

 

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2020/apr/01/being-an-author-with-aphantasia-mark-lawrence

Great article! I am wondering still, Like I have aphantasia when I sleep too, no imagery there too. Is there a percentage for that?

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@songchickI do not know. I was using ketosis last year. I had a few vague dreams with pictures. But I lost too much weight. I have given up on the ketosis because of the weight loss. No dreams since. My brother is still using ketosis. He has dreams, and now visuals whilst awake. They are usually stills, but the occasional ability to manipulate the pictures slightly. No sound though. No narrators voice in his head. Same as me in that respect.

 

My wife's pictures are almost identical to the real thing, she has sound, smell, taste, touch etc. when remembering something she can feel the emotion of the time too. She has always been hyper-phantasia. She also uses ketosis. She says she has always been very visual but the ketosis helps her to have a clearer head

 

I have come across other folk using ketosis to improve brain function. All I can say is if you want to do this then please get support from a doctor or a nutritionalist

 

 

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  • 11 months later...
Janus the Fox

Locked this as it’s a year old from the last comment.

 

Janus DarkFox

Current Policy Administrator, Covering Tea and Sympathy/(h)AVEN, Asexual Musings and Rantings

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