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Brittany_1

How can an asexual become aroused if there's no attraction to people?

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Brittany_1

I've tried to masturbate since I was 17. I'm 22 now. From what I can tell, I've never been aroused even though I've tried to become aroused. I know some asexuals masturbate but how can they? What do they think about?  Nothing? Doesn't the mind have to be aroused in order for the body to follow?

 

Edit: As an asexual, my main question is how to become aroused

Edited by Brittany_1

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Phoenix the II

Fetishes, they don't have to be of sexual intercourse with someone else.

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Brittany_1
Just now, Phoenix the II said:

Fetishes.

Like what? 

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Phoenix the II
1 minute ago, Brittany_1 said:

Like what? 

 

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Moonman

Asexuality isn't no attraction, it's just not experiencing sexual attraction. We still experience various other forms of attraction to human beings.

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Brittany_1
6 minutes ago, Moonman said:

Asexuality isn't no attraction, it's just not experiencing sexual attraction. We still experience various other forms of attraction to human beings.

Okay but arousal is a sexual thing. So if there's no sexual attraction, how can there be sexual arousal? 

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Philip027
Quote

Doesn't the mind have to be aroused in order for the body to follow?

For some people it might, but usually, no it doesn't.

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Moonman
2 minutes ago, Brittany_1 said:

Okay but arousal is a sexual thing. So if there's no sexual attraction, how can there be sexual arousal? 

It isn't, you can be aroused and still not want to have sex.

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Anthracite_Impreza
7 minutes ago, Brittany_1 said:

Okay but arousal is a sexual thing. So if there's no sexual attraction, how can there be sexual arousal? 

Same way you can suffer anxiety with nothing to be scared of, or be hungry with no food around.

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Greypan.da

Asexuality doesn't necessarily mean someone has no libido (a "sex drive"). So there might be an intrinsic need/wish for an ace person to "release" sexual tension that builds up in their body via masturbation while at the same time there is no sexual attraction towards another person or persons, or the desire for partnered sex. As with any sexual person, there is personal variance in how strong or weak that libido is for an ace person.

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Snao Cone (me)

Arousal can come from a variety of things. It's a physiological reaction. Sometimes it corresponds to hormonal cycles, sometimes it comes from mental stimulation, sometimes it's out of boredom. The key is for asexuals that the person experiencing it does not connect it to wanting sex with another person, because that is something they fundamentally lack. 

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Brittany_1
1 minute ago, Moonman said:

It isn't, you can be aroused and still not want to have sex.

I didn't say anything about someone desiring sex though. What I'm asking is how someone can get aroused if nothing arouses them?

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CBC

I'm sexual and I don't have to think about people to get aroused. I mean, if I think about someone I'm really into (I don't mean because they're super duper hot, I mean because I have a connection with them) or I watch porn, sure, that helps... but I can also just decide I feel like masturbating, start doing it, and my body responds.

 

1 hour ago, Brittany_1 said:

Doesn't the mind have to be aroused in order for the body to follow?

No, most definitely doesn't have to be. Which is exactly why I could be bored as shit, doing nothing, not experiencing random arousal or thinking of/interacting with a partner or watching porn, and my body will still react to touch.

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Brittany_1
1 minute ago, CBC said:

my body will respond to touch.

That's exactly what I thought would happen when I first started trying to masturbate,  but my body doesn't respond. I'm not attracted to people at all so thinking about people and thinking about nothing yields no response.

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JustSomeAce

Asexuals do still have the usual reproductive bodyfunctions. And that's why you still can do that if you want to.

Maybe it just doesn't work for every ace... 🤔

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Memento1

Subjective desire is different from objective desire (arousal).  it's possible to have one and not the other.  Many allosexuals have problems when they subjectively desire sex but they can't get physically aroused.  Some asexuals get physically aroused but have no subjective desire for sex.  I relate this to when you feel hungry but nothing looks appealing.  Sometimes I'm objectively hungry, my body is telling me it's hungry, but nothing in the fridge looks good, and nothing I can think of sounds appealing.  Arousal can be like that - a bodily function that doesn't come from thoughts first.  For many that's fairly frustrating - arousal becomes something annoying that just has to be dealt with.

 

From experience, trying to chase arousal didn't work - it actually worked against it by increasing frustration and anxiety (which activates the sympathetic nervous system that then inhibits the body's arousal systems).  Arousal requires relaxation, and most people aren't fully relaxed when they're thinking "why isn't this working?  Why aren't I responding like most people?  What's wrong with me?"

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Float On
29 minutes ago, Brittany_1 said:

I didn't say anything about someone desiring sex though. What I'm asking is how someone can get aroused if nothing arouses them?

Things can arouse  an asexual, some like porn, some simply physically stimulate themselves. There are other possible reasons too. But, it’s different for everyone. There are people who don’t get aroused at all

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Brittany_1
5 minutes ago, Float On said:

some like porn

That's something I don't understand. If a person isn't sexually attracted to people, how can a person get aroused by looking at people? 

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Float On
1 minute ago, Brittany_1 said:

That's something I don't understand. If a person isn't sexually attracted to people, how can a person get aroused by looking at people? 

It’s just the way it is. There unfortunately isn’t much of a reason it happens. Some people just find pornography arousing, despite being ace. It isn’t attraction, it’s just a physical response to sexual content. Some could say it is sexual association that arouses them. But, they don’t feel the same about sex. Maybe sexual acts could arouse them, but they don’t want such acts anyway.

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Snao Cone (me)
1 minute ago, Brittany_1 said:

That's something I don't understand. If a person isn't sexually attracted to people, how can a person get aroused by looking at people? 

Some people get turned on by music, by the smell of food, or by the vibrations of a thunderstorm. They don't want to have sex with the instruments, the dish, or the weather. Their arousal translates into the underlying desire they have to engage in sexual activity with another person. For an asexual person, they don't have that underlying desire. Arousal from doesn't always mean attraction to

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Nowhere Girl
1 hour ago, Phoenix the II said:

 

Not all libidoist asexuals are kinky. I'm quite BDSM-repulsed.

 

1 hour ago, Brittany_1 said:

I know some asexuals masturbate but how can they? What do they think about?  Nothing?

Actually, it seems that some people are able to think about nothing. I can't, my mind is very active. (Actually, perhaps my tendency to drift away with thoughts and my extremely verbal thinking are among the reasons why autoeroticism takes so much time for me.)

I personally fantasise in third person. A lot of users would say that finding it arousing doesn't even require attraction. I prefer saying that I'm even able to feel sexual attraction, but no sexual desire. I can perceive fictional(ised) characters from my fantasies as sexually attractive, feel arousal when imagining it - but I still vehemently don't want to have sex with anyone. It's just not for me, the idea of personally having sex feels terrifying. I don't even see any contradiction here, don't even experience any internal conflict over this - no, I would even say that I feel fairly comfortable with a sexuality which "enables" arousal, but precludes personally having sex or even being able to desire it.

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LibraGirl
18 minutes ago, Snao Cone (me) said:

Some people get turned on by music, by the smell of food, or by the vibrations of a thunderstorm. They don't want to have sex with the instruments, the dish, or the weather. Their arousal translates into the underlying desire they have to engage in sexual activity with another person. For an asexual person, they don't have that underlying desire. Arousal from doesn't always mean attraction to

There is one song I can get turned on by - Girl (The Internet). That's definitely a thing but there's no sexual attraction there hahahaha

 

I can get aroused pretty easily but I am not sexually attracted to anyone right now. If I were put in a situation with someone where sex is expected of me I would run for the hills. I would have an anxiety overload. I've been aroused by other people that I had absolutely no interest in having sex with

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Brittany_1
15 minutes ago, Snao Cone (me) said:

Some people get turned on by music, by the smell of food, or by the vibrations of a thunderstorm

We learn something new every day. I didn't know that was a thing.

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Serran
27 minutes ago, Brittany_1 said:

That's something I don't understand. If a person isn't sexually attracted to people, how can a person get aroused by looking at people? 

Yeah... that's not something I understand either and I'm not ace tbh. :P 

 

Like... yes, some people respond to sexual stimuli from anything. Even watching animals go at it can arouse most people according to studies. However, most people also have a preference for their porn actors/actresses, which imo is a form of attraction. If you're choosing to get off to Jenna cause she is more appealing than Jamie, then to me that is attraction to Jenna. Whether you wanna bang her IRL or not. 

 

But... you're getting a bit too hung up on the whole attraction idea. Which, I think attraction is a bogus thing to focus on. Because you can be totally attracted to someone and think they're hot/gorgeous and in love totally and maybe even their presence arouses you and never want to have sex with them. 

 

Basically - you find a stimuli that arouses you and you use that. People become aroused by a lot of things. Math, cleaning, fear, excitement, even just random physical touch (like your pants being a bit tight). 

 

However, also, some people do require a focus for their sexual attraction in order to have a libido. I never had a libido until I met my now wife and became sexually attracted to her. I didn't masturbate cause it was boring and did nothing for me. I didn't like sex. Now, same exact motions and actions... feels nice and I like it, only difference is I am really into my wife sexually. 

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Janus DarkFox

There's a few conflicting views here, often the arousal has no trigger, the mind can be thoughtless, any of the 5 senses can trigger it, fetishes, mood etc.  There's not be any attraction that causes it.  Google will get different results too.  In an effort for educating, it's often a complex chain of physical and chemical reactions in body, brain and tied with the mind.

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CBC
33 minutes ago, LibraGirl said:

There is one song I can get turned on by - Girl (The Internet).

Haha ok, so... I don't get actually turned on by that song, but I do associate it with a sort of sexual vibe because it's used in a scene in the Netflix series Gypsy. In episode seven (yes I know exactly which one because I've watched it dozens of times... shhhh), there's a a very gay (girl-gay, not dude-gay) scene where one woman is dancing rather alluringly for the other one and they end up having sex (did I mention I've watched it dozens of times? 😎).
 

It's not really a genre of music I'd normally listen to, but I like it and it's got some bittersweet memories attached to it and definitely a very sexual/sensual sound. Lyrics as well.

 

Passion burning, causing rapture of laughter
Pressure building, falling faster and faster
If I told you that you rock my world, I want you around me
Would you let me call you my girl, my girlfriend, my girlfriend?

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Hanas

... I feel like this is the kind of topic I have difficulty or maybe active do not wanna partake in explaining because it's boring (Ie. It's so subjective it doesn't really get anywhere oh how I do NOT miss my psychology classes lmaoo) but basically as I see it nowadays there's different things. I can't name it properly but there's like, the "I wanna have sex with someone/anyone", there's the "feeling of libido acting up" and there's the "feeling of arousal/being turned on by something/someperson" idk. 

 

The libido acting up thing for people who do feel it is just I guess the body building up sexual tension over ... Nothing, which is how I feel sometimes depending on my menstrual cycle - I know (scientifically, at least) my body is ready to have sex 👍👍👍  even if I psychologically don't want it for lack of better words. 

 

Then there's the arousal thing which is basically stimuli -> body builds up sexual tension. And as it was put, can be through music or smell or ... Whatever. As humans are visual beings it is said it's mostly visual for us who can see. But when I say visual it can be through imagination as well. Some people, as I see it can be visually aroused by objects (or, idk, anthromorphized characters. Don't google furry.) and some can be visually aroused by images of people having sex and anything in between. (Ie. People wearing a certain object etc.) 

 

However I feel that by definition asexuals would fall in the third category - the lack of "I want to have sex/sexual contact". Which is why asexual doesn't mean no masturbation necessarily. Nor does it mean you are not aroused. Just you don't feel like releasing it through sexual contact with anyone. I think that's something like that as I see it after ... Having diffcult times figuring out. I can be completely off but I think it's something like that.  

 

In conclusion I think what you are describing is related to a general lack of arousal but not necessarily asexuality. As I see it which again can be super off lol. 

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LibraGirl
38 minutes ago, CBC said:

Haha ok, so... I don't get actually turned on by that song, but I do associate it with a sort of sexual vibe because it's used in a scene in the Netflix series Gypsy. In episode seven (yes I know exactly which one because I've watched it dozens of times... shhhh), there's a a very gay (girl-gay, not dude-gay) scene where one woman is dancing rather alluringly for the other one and they end up having sex (did I mention I've watched it dozens of times? 😎).
 

It's not really a genre of music I'd normally listen to, but I like it and it's got some bittersweet memories attached to it and definitely a very sexual/sensual sound. Lyrics as well.

 

Passion burning, causing rapture of laughter
Pressure building, falling faster and faster
If I told you that you rock my world, I want you around me
Would you let me call you my girl, my girlfriend, my girlfriend?

Oh no no no I do need to associate it with something sexual to get aroused. It would be amazing if the sounds and words alone could turn me on. I have to listen to the song and then start thinking about someone or a very sexy scenario e.g., dancing at the club. I had no idea that it came from that show (which I haven't seen yet so it makes sense)! I just heard my roommate play it and I was like "k downloading now!" 😍

 

So for me it's like sounds + lyrics + mental picture = aroused.

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CBC

@LibraGirl Ah, gotcha.

 

As for the show, that's where I first heard it. Wasn't written for it, though.

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Anthracite_Impreza
19 minutes ago, Hanas said:

Don't google furry

For the record furry =/= sexual/fetish/yiff. Furries in general don't get off on it, same as I don't get off on having a carsona or Cars-based characters.

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