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anyone else feel isolated b/c of not feeling attraction?


colorblind_sunset

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colorblind_sunset

I see a lot of stuff on here about being glad to not feel sexual attraction and I'd like to know if anyone grapples with the isolation of knowing that literally every other person in your life seems to feel this and you just don't get it. everywhere I go, everyone I see.... people are just so fucking horny over other people and it feels so depressing and isolating knowing I just DONT GET IT. today I saw so many women with ultra short shorts walking outside and my partner comments on them and on me and people stare at me like I'm a zoo animal and I just want to cover up my entire body and hide....I don't understand how people can feel these things about me, I don't understand the need to check out every person that's alive and I've NEVER felt the need to get sex from another person (although I have always been into masturbation- but as a self-soothe type of thing, not from being turned on by other people). other people make me uncomfortable and awkward. I know that nothing is WRONG with me, per se, but even my fucking stepkid is starting to discover his sexuality and look at porn and I really, truly, feel like I am missing something. it really bothers me. a lot. I want to feel attraction. I want to actually know what it feels like to want to rip someone's clothes off and do things with them and actually want them to do things to me. does anyone else grieve this??? my partner doesn't know I'm asexual. I know, everyone is going to tell me I have to tell him. I don't want to tell him. I have tried to explain feeling "different" about attraction and he DOES NOT get it. he is super sexual. he would like sex probably twice a day, every day. he doesn't seem to believe the absence of attraction is possible and would totally take it personally and leave me. I've even tried to describe figuring out how to masturbate as a kid and not connecting it to sex AT ALL and he just doesn't get it....how it can be this thing that feels good but not connected to thoughts of any other person or genitalia. I feel so isolated and fucked up and alone. I feel like I have a distorted body image and tons of residual guilt/shame feelings about my body and sex from my childhood and adolescence. I hate looking in mirrors. I'm not comfortable with my body. my partner wants to film us. he enjoys filming himself. the though of being on camera makes me want to vomit- not because I don't trust him or because I think it's wrong.... because I honestly can't stand to think about seeing my body on film doing anything... fuck, I have issues sending happy birthday messages, let alone the thought of seeing myself naked. he thinks I'm so hot....I think I'm gross. honestly....most naked bodies are fucking gross. how do I deal with this???? as someone who has identified as bisexual, I'm expected to weigh in on womens' "hotness" sometimes (and yes, I know I'm lucky I can be that "honest" with my partner)....and while yeah, I can honestly say that like...Kristen Stewart in a minidress is pretty hot....the # of women I've seen in REAL LIFE that actually turn me on????? like 0.05%....and guys? in real life? none. I feel broken. I just want to see one person IRL that makes my pants wet for real. does anyone else feel this?

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ShrimpyShiro

Yeah, it can be really hard as an asexual living in a society that seems to revolve around sex. And we're all expected to conform to these expectations, to fit in with everybody else, but we just can't change who we are. It can make you feel alone, isolated, that you don't have something that the rest of the world does. Honestly, I feel the same--I almost wish I was allosexual, just so I knew what it felt like, just so I knew what I'm "missing out on", just so I knew what 99% of the population felt and thought about and acted on.

 

I can't really give any advice on your situation, but know that you're not broken, you're not alone and you're amazing just the way you are.

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JustSomeAce

Hey, you're not alone 💜

I know how you feel, it took me quite some time to accept being asexual and even when I had accepted it I was still kinda scared of it. I was feeling like I was some kind of alien or something, just because I didn't get the one central thing in humanity: sex.

And there was a time when I also found my (naked) body disgusting and it took me really long to accept my body as it is.

 

I think you don't have to come out to your partner if you don't want to. You can come out to him when you're ready for it and comfortable with it. 😉

 

If you need someone to talk to or have any questions, feel free to message me any time. 🙂

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