A different Ace Experience

[ItsAMeRachio]

I often feel like I can't relate to the majority of the asexual community, at least the ones you see online. Let me explain. I am asexual grayromantic. I have never experienced sexual attraction and boy I kind of hope I never do. I love being asexual. I've experienced romantic attraction probably twice in my life, so it definitely wasn't something that I thought about at all in middle school or high school. 

It seems like for a lot of asexuals this is where it stops. Any 'crushes' were arbitrarily picked out in the hopes of blending in with the allosexuals. When people comment on how attractive celebrities are, they nod along but really don't ever get it. I know a lot of asexuals took a long time to realize that they were ace because they didn't really understand that they weren't the norm, but I feel like my experience was a little different than that.

I never faked a crush. I had way more than I can count while growing up. At least twenty, probably more. I definitely have a different type than the majority of people out there, but growing up I understood and related with people who ranted and raved over a good-looking celebrity. None of those crushes had anything to do with sexual attraction or romantic attraction, but my aesthetic attraction is off the charts. I experience really strong aesthetic attraction. So strong that from the outside I seem allo. I would fixate on who I thought was the cutest in class, and that was my crush. That wasn't too out of the norm for the other kids to do. 

I only realized I was asexual because all my friends in Junior year of high school kept talking about wanting to have sex, and after years of assuming that eventually I would want that too, I had to face the facts. I wish I could relate more to the experiences of other asexuals, but it's hard because I experience such strong aesthetic attraction and I know a lot of people don't. 

[SithLord]

I don't feel like your experience is so far out of the norm. Being aro is definitely similar to what you're describing. But many asexuals have the problem as coming across as allo because of aesthetic attraction as well. 

[Scottthespy]

Well, I can relate to the parts about never faking a crush and enjoying being ace...

 

I also had a different 'realizing I'm ace' experience. In fact, I did it backwards. I thought everyone was like me, until I realized everyone was having sex and talking about marriage. I was seventeen when that fact hit me, so I may have been particularly oblivious as a teen. I didn't fake crushes or gush over celebrities because I genuinely didn't realize I was 'supposed' to. Most of my friends group were geeks and nerds, we were too busy gushing over the latest episode of Yugioh and writing Devil May Cry fanfiction. Unlike most of the stories I see here, I was the last person to realize I was different, and when I brought it up every one not so much accepted me, more poked fun at me for taking so long to clue in. They'd known and not cared all along. My dad was sad about the lack of grandkids but accepted it as just one of those things that happens, and my mom was supportive while expecting me to change until one day she wasn't expecting me to change anymore and was just supportive. So I never felt put upon, awkward, forced to put on a show, broken, or any of the other negative things people on aven regularly report. I've always been happy to be who I am, and the more I hear about other people's relationships, good or bad, the happier I am that I don't have to put up with that nonsense. 

High five for a couple of aces who're lovin' it!

[Anthracite_Impreza]

My aesthetic attraction is way higher than most sexuals on this site, to the point I will use words like "hot", "sexy" and "fancy" to describe it. And yet I have never wanted sex, go figure.

[colorblind_sunset]

I totally get this...for the longest time I had a crush on Matthew grey gubler from criminal minds and then I realized AFTER LITERALLY YEARS that it was probably cause his features are proportional and he has great hair. it didn't even occur to me that he's a man with a penis. 🙄

[dreamfae]

Part of the reason I didn't realize I was ace until I was 29 is that I had a lot of aesthetic crushes - usually on movie characters (although not necessarily the actors playing them) or guys I was slightly acquainted with at work.  I never felt a need to get to know them; I was just happy to admire them from a distance. 

[Janus the Fox]

22 hours ago, ItsAMeRachio said:

I only realized I was asexual because all my friends in Junior year of high school kept talking about wanting to have sex, and after years of assuming that eventually I would want that too, I had to face the facts.

Yeah if I weren’t so pre-occupied with myself and had internet sooner, I’d realise the sexuality sooner rather than later.  Then again... being pre-occupied with computing college took up a good 5 years anyway 😛

 

Perhaps I where not socially or sexually aware in my Teens, but I remember well the schoolyard stories of sex or bragging from the other boys in school.