Anyone else tired of labels?

[Guest]

I understand that labels can be helpful for others but every time I attach a new label on myself (which happens a couple times a week tbh), I feel miserable. The labels don't completely match my experiences and I feel more confused than ever. I don't like the stereotypes associated with each label either. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. The problem is I've been re-labeling myself for years and still can't get it right. I decided to throw labels away and not give myself a sexual identity label. Can anyone relate? 

[Ace_SouthAfrica_87]

Yeah, we have had this discussion. I get you. Let's just identify as human beings, and nothing else matters. 

[Marimbasticks]

I feel like the correct label can be empowering. Like, I'm not broken, it's just this thing and it's totally normal. But I don't like taking on labels that don't quite fit or don't aid me in some way. And I have a problem with calling them labels. I know it's a little thing really, but the word label feels like it's this big neon sticker stuck on your forehead or something. I think of my labels more like, I don't know, badges? Like, I can pull it out when I need to, and the rest of the time I can hide it away and forget about it. I would, of course, much prefer to live in a world where labels are unnecessary and we can just be people. 

[Homer]

I don't get the appeal of "labels" at all. One, a lot of people use them the wrong way to begin with. They don't "help you to understand yourself better", they're what you arrive at after you understand yourself. If someone said "Oh I don't know what this fruit is called, I'll just call it 'pear' for now", that would seem pretty silly.

 

Two, you're not a bag of potatoes. So, no "label" required. If it goes as far as making you feel worse, that's a pretty good hint at what to do with "labels".

[Janus the Fox]

Yeah, often the detail cannot be wrapped into one label or box, hense some either not label at all or rather collect labels.  Whichever is the most useful is often the individual choice.

[Gifted With Singleness]

I swear, way too many people seem to treat labels like it's your name. It's really weird, and I have no idea where it came from.

 

"Hello, Genderfluid Pansexual. My name is Aromantic Asexual. Have you met my friend, Sapioplatonic Biaesthetic Demisensual Graylibidoist Quoiromantic Autochorissexual?"

[Guest]

15 minutes ago, GiftedWithSingleness said:

I swear, way too many people seem to treat labels like it's your name. It's really weird, and I have no idea where it came from.

 

"Hello, Genderfluid Pansexual. My name is Aromantic Asexual. Have you met my friend, Sapioplatonic Biaesthetic Demisensual Graylibidoist Quoiromantic Autochorissexual?"

OMG this made me LOL HARD. Thanks for making my Friday. Seriously

[Guest]

2 hours ago, LibraGirl said:

I understand that labels can be helpful for others but every time I attach a new label on myself (which happens a couple times a week tbh), I feel miserable. The labels don't completely match my experiences and I feel more confused than ever. I don't like the stereotypes associated with each label either. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. The problem is I've been re-labeling myself for years and still can't get it right. I decided to throw labels away and not give myself a sexual identity label. Can anyone relate? 

@LibraGirl if you still think you'd be more comfortable with a label for whatever reason, the label Pomosexual exists for people whose sexual orientation can't be boxed into any one label, so they reject all the usual labels as none 'fit' them. 

 

I've made a lot of comments insulting the idea of homosexuality as a label over the years ("I have a label to identify that I have rejected labels" etc etc, lol), but if somehow having a label, even one you only admit to yourself or whatever, makes you more comfortable.. then yeah 'pomosexual' is the label for people in your situation. And my sitiation, but I don't care about labels enough to ever bother with one. Haha.

[RoseGoesToYale]

I only use them if they're helpful and I won't have to give a long-winded explanation (e.g. I use demisexual only in here because everyone here knows what that means, plus I found I found when I didn't use labels here, people still assumed I was ace). Outside of AVEN, I don't use anything.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, PanFicto. said:

@LibraGirl if you still think you'd be more comfortable with a label for whatever reason, the label Pomosexual exists for people whose sexual orientation can't be boxed into any one label, so they reject all the usual labels as none 'fit' them. 

 

I've made a lot of comments insulting the idea of homosexuality as a label over the years ("I have a label to identify that I have rejected labels" etc etc, lol), but if somehow having a label, even one you only admit to yourself or whatever, makes you more comfortable.. then yeah 'pomosexual' is the label for people in your situation. And my sitiation, but I don't care about labels enough to ever bother with one. Haha.

I kind of just want to say I have no sexuality haha 😆 that makes me feel better. idk if it's a thing at all

 

I wish I didn't care about labels! Finding a label is so distressing to me right now 😞

[Guest]

1 hour ago, LibraGirl said:

 

I wish I didn't care about labels! Finding a label is so distressing to me right now 😞

Hah well that's why I was thinking pomosexual actually sounds like the kind of label you're after. Here it is:

 

EtymologyEdit

From pomo (“post-modern”) +‎ sexual.

PronunciationEdit

• IPA^(key): /ˌpəʊməʊˈsɛksjʊəl/

AdjectiveEdit

pomosexual (comparative more pomosexual, superlative most pomosexual)

1. (of a person) Rejecting, avoiding or not fitting in any sexual orientation label, such as heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, pansexual, or bisexual.

 

That's the wiki definition. Like, it does fit what you're saying. Because it seems that if you pick a label, say, lesbian. I mean, it won't be entirely accurate, will it? But asexual may also not be accurate. And demisexual may not be accurate. And hetero-romantic lithosexual may not be accurate. Normally I'd NEVER suggest someone go with micro labels, as I feel it's better just to say "no label really matches my orientation" and explain it from there. It just seems to me like you'd feel more comfortable with a label? Hence why I suggested pomosexual!

 

1 hour ago, LibraGirl said:

I kind of just want to say I have no sexuality haha 😆 that makes me feel better. idk if it's a thing at all

Hah well, do you mean no sexual orientation? Like "I do want sex so I'm not asexual, but I have never been able to direct that desire towards any person of any gender, so.. I can't identify any actual sexual orientation. I'm sexual but with no direction for my desire!" (That would be 'no sexual orientation).

 

Do you want to explain to me exactly how you feel? Like what you desire sexually and romantically, and with whom? While I personally disagree with micro labels, I have heard many of them lol. So there might actually be one that fits you that you just haven't heard of, which I can suggest to you. Guaranteed there will be a Tumblr forum dedicated to it, ehe. Or again, the label pomosexual refers to someone whose sexuality has no label (I think there's Tumblr forums for that as well?). So, there's that too

[Anthracite_Impreza]

If it's really bothering you this much it's an issue. Maybe take a step back and do somet else for a while.

[Guest]

20 hours ago, PanFicto. said:

Hah well that's why I was thinking pomosexual actually sounds like the kind of label you're after. Here it is:

 

EtymologyEdit

From pomo (“post-modern”) +‎ sexual.

PronunciationEdit

• IPA^(key): /ˌpəʊməʊˈsɛksjʊəl/

AdjectiveEdit

pomosexual (comparative more pomosexual, superlative most pomosexual)

1. (of a person) Rejecting, avoiding or not fitting in any sexual orientation label, such as heterosexual, homosexual, asexual, pansexual, or bisexual.

 

That's the wiki definition. Like, it does fit what you're saying. Because it seems that if you pick a label, say, lesbian. I mean, it won't be entirely accurate, will it? But asexual may also not be accurate. And demisexual may not be accurate. And hetero-romantic lithosexual may not be accurate. Normally I'd NEVER suggest someone go with micro labels, as I feel it's better just to say "no label really matches my orientation" and explain it from there. It just seems to me like you'd feel more comfortable with a label? Hence why I suggested pomosexual!

 

Hah well, do you mean no sexual orientation? Like "I do want sex so I'm not asexual, but I have never been able to direct that desire towards any person of any gender, so.. I can't identify any actual sexual orientation. I'm sexual but with no direction for my desire!" (That would be 'no sexual orientation).

 

Do you want to explain to me exactly how you feel? Like what you desire sexually and romantically, and with whom? While I personally disagree with micro labels, I have heard many of them lol. So there might actually be one that fits you that you just haven't heard of, which I can suggest to you. Guaranteed there will be a Tumblr forum dedicated to it, ehe. Or again, the label pomosexual refers to someone whose sexuality has no label (I think there's Tumblr forums for that as well?). So, there's that too

Thanks for the suggestion!  I might stick with pomosexual for a while just because I have no other way of describing myself. I just feel that no one else will understand if I explain it to them which is understandable. Not that it really matters. I've never heard of the term until now. 

 

I guess for me "no sexual orientation" is that I feel I don't have a sexuality to express or I don't know how or who to express it to. Pomosexual sounds like I still can express some kind of sexuality, but I don't necessarily fit in with any sexual orientation label (e.g., heterosexual). Maybe they're the same haha idk.

 

I wish I could describe who I desire romantically and/or sexually. I don't actively desire people but after a period of getting to know them I develop some kind of attachment. I just can't figure out if it's romantic, sexual, both, or neither. I have some kind of pull towards girls but currently I don't desire a romantic relationship with them due to previous trauma I received from girls. I never felt a pull toward men except I felt an attachment to only one guy after some time of getting to know him. I have an extreme fear of relationships and getting close to people. Any kind of attachment I have toward people are all in my head, not irl. Meaning I never pursue them myself.

 

I wish it were easier to describe my feelings but my profile says "I have no self-awareness" and it is 100% true.  I 100% don't know who I desire and I've been spending a whole year trying to figure that out lol

 

[Guest]

19 hours ago, CBC said:

Yes.

 

The only thing that matters is that you're open and honest with whoever you're involved with about what you want, need, desire, enjoy, etc. Labels can be useful shorthand at times... like, if someone's profile on a dating app/site says they're a gay man, then it's safe to assume he's not looking for women... but beyond situations like that, the terms used don't really matter. Again though, as long as you're honest with partners/potential partners. People have a right to know that sort of information about those they're involved with, so as to not waste time, have their heart broken, etc. if they're not sexually compatible.

I definitely would not get involved with anyone unless I am certain who I am and who it is I want. Especially on dating apps where you have to put in a "preference". I'm just kind of waiting until something clicks tbh. Then I will go in the right direction of who I should be pursuing if that makes sense?

[songchick]

On 5/15/2020 at 8:32 PM, GiftedWithSingleness said:

I swear, way too many people seem to treat labels like it's your name. It's really weird, and I have no idea where it came from.

 

"Hello, Genderfluid Pansexual. My name is Aromantic Asexual. Have you met my friend, Sapioplatonic Biaesthetic Demisensual Graylibidoist Quoiromantic Autochorissexual?"

LOL. Yeah and you need a name that no one else has.

Pomosexual sounds cool. We all just need to live the way we want. They say it's "fluid," but that makes it scary for me. (Just sharing.) 

[Zagadka]

Labels are only good for shorthand communication. Describing your feelings to yourself is much more complicated, and requires a lot more work.

[PeanutButterSalad]

I feel this. Even outside the sexual labels.

I walk in with black clothes and black lipstick listening to idk, carameldansen.... "you are not goth, you are a poser because you do not listen to goth music but you dress like a goth".......

 

Sometimes I feel labels just create more confusion.

In my eastern european conservative village, as as woman you are kinda boiled down to:

- Mother, wife, has kids

- Mother, wife, wants kids but cannot have them because of illness

- Slut

As someone, who does not want kids and hates sex, it was "OMG WHAT AAAARE YOU" all the time.

 

I got tired of it and moved to a country that is more on the LGBTQ+ side of things.

I walk in, I say I am a demisexual asexual  "no you can only be one or another wtf" "but I am not demi since i do not like sex in general and I am also not ace because sometimes i do like sex but only with my boyfriend, therefore these 2 labels describe me thest" "uuhhhh but you cannot use them together".........................AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Phantasmal Fingers]

On 5/15/2020 at 11:14 PM, LibraGirl said:

I understand that labels can be helpful for others but every time I attach a new label on myself (which happens a couple times a week tbh), I feel miserable. The labels don't completely match my experiences and I feel more confused than ever. I don't like the stereotypes associated with each label either. I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. The problem is I've been re-labeling myself for years and still can't get it right. I decided to throw labels away and not give myself a sexual identity label. Can anyone relate? 

I never attach labels to myself. Partly that's because I keep wearing different clothes. So if I attach a label to the jacket I'm wearing today I might not have a label at all tomorrow as I might decide to put a different jacket on. Or perhaps it'll be warm enough not to wear one at all. I usually attach labels to my baggage - if I remember. And, of course, I often don't bother to take any baggage with me. So I often don't have any labels at all! 🤫

[Cobie]

When I am dead you can retrospectively attach a label to the life I lived.

[PositivelyAce]

Yeah, I'm kind of tired of labels now. Occasionally I develop too much anxiety around them and can't be satisfied with the ones I'm using. I obsess over trying to find more accurate ones but in the end they don't feel like they fit either. I think it's better just to stick with something and not worry about it.