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Never being sure in identity


Rilakkuma's cake

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Rilakkuma's cake

Hey folks,

 

Well, how do I start... 

I just find it so annoying that I'll never be able to be sure of who I am. And I know, people will say "oh why do you want to put yourself in a box?" "just remain labelless!" But sometimes you just want some certainty, you know. My mom expects me to marry some guy and become pregnant, asks what my 'type' is and such. I just don't see that happening, I find the idea of sex incredibly repulsive, even when I'm physically aroused, it still seems unappealing, and I just don't find anyone attractive (I've tried imagining all sorts of stuff, it just doesn't work). The whole concept of romance is something I don't understand at all... but no, I can never be certain I'm aro ace, I could always turn out to be some obscure grey / demi identity, or be an eighteen-year old latebloomer who suddenly starts to feel annoying romantic / sexual attraction. I know, when you're gay or straight you can never be fully certain either, but at least a little more. People won't tell you 'you haven't found the right one yet' (well, sometimes, but not to the extent with ace / aros). I just hate being in this position, never being able to make plans for the future, because I could be everything. I could be gay, straight, bi, pan, or remain ace... who knows... I could even become attracted to objects or something. It's terrifying because I never know how I'm wired, as a person. I could change from a repulsed asexual aro to totally different  hypersexual, romance loving person...

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Galactic Turtle

Yup. Things can change. Of course your feelings don't have to rule your actions. If you're set on not having sex or getting married you could always decide to be celibate just like people decide not to smoke or decide not to drink. Then if you really want to, ten years from now you can just as easily decide not to be.

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Grey-Ace Ventura

You don't need to be "fully certain" of what you'll turn out to be. Just go based on the present because that's all anyone can know. If things change and you turn out to be allo, so what? It's just a fact of life that you'll have to accept (if it happens).

 

I originally came to AVEN because I thought I was aro and ace, then I thought I was grey, then I realized I was allosexual but I thought I was a lesbian, then I realized I'm trans, then I thought I was bi, and then I finally realized I'm gay. I went through a ton of labels but who cares? If I want to label my experience, that's my decision, and I just went off of the present every time I came to another realization. I didn't try to predict the future, I just did what felt right at the time. Plus, labels are just supposed to be guides, not boxes. If a label turns out to be inaccurate, you can use a different one if you want.

 

Essentially, just do what feels right. If that's using a label, do it. If it's choosing to not be in a relationship or choosing to be celibate, do it. If it's just remaining without a label, do it. You can always change your mind if things change.

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abandoned-account

I hope you don't mind the completely unrelated reply, but is that a Tarako mascot in your avatar?

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NOOOOOOO

NO MORE TARAKO!

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Rilakkuma's cake

 

On 5/15/2020 at 7:19 PM, Veezle said:

I hope you don't mind the completely unrelated reply, but is that a Tarako mascot in your avatar?

Yes, I'm a living tarako! 

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Rilakkuma's cake

Thanks for the replies, yes, I guess I shouldn't think too much about it.

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