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Celibacy (no masturbation) for spiritual purposes


songchick

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It's not hard for me to give up all sorts of sexual activity, such as masturbation and the pursuit of a partner. Especially giving up the former, I only do it maybe twice a month. But now, consciously I'm abstaining for spiritual purposes. I'm also just embracing the term "celibacy" as a commitment to myself. So far, it's doing good. I've felt a lot of self-empowerment. I have read in places that celibacy also includes avoiding sexually/sensually tempting situations. This now brings up a fear I've had for a long time: I have this big fear that I'm a lesbian or something. I don't experience much attraction, but I find it a nuisance when I see someone who'd scantily clad. Women are more bothersome than men.

 

Regarding sexuality, don't really know 100% what I "am" other than I'm demi and on the low end of the gray-A spectrum. I'm hoping that this celibacy period in my life may reveal insight onto what my romantic/sensual/sexual attractions are. I'm fearing the lesbian thing again, but maybe I'm going through a period of releasing? Or confirming? I don't know, I'll see.

 

Also, maybe I sound small-minded, but part of me is averse to lesbian culture, I'm averse to sexual culture overall. Maybe this aversion means I'm not a member of the culture myself, or maybe I'm just unique and do it my own way? I don't like how people come together for the sole reason of being attracted to the same people. (Or, if you're considering the whole LGBTQIA community, being attracted to non-cis/het people. It's a really low way to find commonalities, and I don't want to connect with people in this way.

 

Buuuut yeah, I'm liking this venture so far in my life. I just hope I don't get forced into a sexuality that I don't want to be. It sounds weird to say this, but yea. I deal with schizophrenia and I get this feeling of being "possessed" sometimes, like thoughts in my head demand compliance even though I don't want to comply. So maybe this is an example of that.

 

Thanks for reading my rant, have a nice day and y'all stay safe.

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I understand getting forced into a sexuality you don't want and don't see yourself as. It's already happened to me and since fucks with my head. Hurts too because the headspace gives me headaches and makes my limbs ache. It's not necessarily orientation but something different and I can't really say I like the person I am when it comes around so I relate. So yeah it demands compliance and whilst I don't have to, it's difficult after you deal with it for so long. You're unlikely to be lesbian I'd imagine. You're more likely to be straight just because that's the general population. Which gender do you have aesthetic/sensual attraction to? That usually gives it away. 

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Galactic Turtle

Personally what I find nice about a life of celibacy is that *technically* it doesn't matter what your sexuality is. Like I'm not sure about most people but I've never looked at a nun or a monk and wondered if they were gay or not. Their lifestyle has, to some extent, removed them from that sort of conversation. 

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16 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Personally what I find nice about a life of celibacy is that *technically* it doesn't matter what your sexuality is. Like I'm not sure about most people but I've never looked at a nun or a monk and wondered if they were gay or not. Their lifestyle has, to some extent, removed them from that sort of conversation. 

ay, that's the fun thing about it too. Sure you're telepathically a sexual but I'd say your on the level of asexuals.

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16 minutes ago, KrysLostInSpace said:

ay, that's the fun thing about it too. Sure you're telepathically a sexual but I'd say your on the level of asexuals.

I refuse to edit this. 

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37 minutes ago, KrysLostInSpace said:

I understand getting forced into a sexuality you don't want and don't see yourself as. It's already happened to me and since fucks with my head. Hurts too because the headspace gives me headaches and makes my limbs ache. It's not necessarily orientation but something different and I can't really say I like the person I am when it comes around so I relate. So yeah it demands compliance and whilst I don't have to, it's difficult after you deal with it for so long. You're unlikely to be lesbian I'd imagine. You're more likely to be straight just because that's the general population. Which gender do you have aesthetic/sensual attraction to? That usually gives it away. 

Awesome response. I feel aesthetic/sensual attraction to men. I like their personalities better also.

 

36 minutes ago, Galactic Turtle said:

Personally what I find nice about a life of celibacy is that *technically* it doesn't matter what your sexuality is. Like I'm not sure about most people but I've never looked at a nun or a monk and wondered if they were gay or not. Their lifestyle has, to some extent, removed them from that sort of conversation. 

YES!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah I feel like also I can eliminate the "hot or not" judgment when looking at people, and just see and appreciate them for who they are. Although there are these allegations of boys being raped by Catholic priests and stuff, but overall yeah, monk-age itself supersedes sexuality. That's again why I find solidarity based on sexual attraction to be "low."

 

 

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30 minutes ago, KrysLostInSpace said:

ay, that's the fun thing about it too. Sure you're telepathically a sexual but I'd say your on the level of asexuals.

lol!

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Galactic Turtle
53 minutes ago, songchick said:

YES!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah I feel like also I can eliminate the "hot or not" judgment when looking at people, and just see and appreciate them for who they are. Although there are these allegations of boys being raped by Catholic priests and stuff, but overall yeah, monk-age itself supersedes sexuality. That's again why I find solidarity based on sexual attraction to be "low."

Yup! That's why I said ***technically***. If you're pretending to be celibate but are actually a child predator then obviously you are not what you say you are and in terms of enforcing the law, I do not think self proclaimed celibate people shouldn't be looked at when it comes to sex crimes. But on an individual level, sure I could do soul searching to reflect on how I feel about various people in my life... but because I am celibate it ultimately does not matter at the end of the day because I'm never going to be with anybody and I'm never going to have sex with anybody. While I don't broadcast my lifestyle like the way a nun might through what she wears, I do enforce modesty in the way I dress to double down on my choice.

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5 hours ago, Galactic Turtle said:

While I don't broadcast my lifestyle like the way a nun might through what she wears, I do enforce modesty in the way I dress to double down on my choice.

Yeah I'm not too flashy with my dress either. I like folksy styles and leggings, silver rings with stones. No fancy jewelry or makeup. I really don't even like looking at women with makeup, it always seems to compensate for something else that is lacking. I honestly can't be bothered with remembering to put it on every day, it's a nuisance and I'd rather write an article or something. Or talk to friends online.

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