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in love with an ace


ikari_onasam

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ikari_onasam
We`ve been besties since... forever I guess? She makes me feel happy and she`s the only I believe I can spend a happy life with. Yeah, that`s how I`ve felt for ...2 years maybe? I don`t remember. There was no turning point, the feeling`s been built slowly.
She`d had some partners before, all of them were hella toxic and broke her heart. But she`s never thought about me this way. Every time she was crying because of someone else, my heart was torn apart. I don`t want her to cry ever again, but all I can do is being here to support her. Now she`s still in a toxic relationship with a real psyco (I'm not kidding, he`s been to mental hospital countless times). She understands that it only causes her pain but doesn`t want to break up with him, he and our friends won`t accept it easily and she has no mental powers to do so. One night he told me she wants to spend all her life by my side and I believe it, we`re already sharing our lives, at least I want to believe it. But I`ve seen her lying to him a thousand times and know that it might be the same with me.
I`m not a romantic anymore, I used to be one and all feel about my recent boyfriend is desire. I don`t care about him, don`t want to see him, honestly, I`m avoiding him right now. He`s disgusting to me. Despite all of this we`re going out with her every day and it`s not enough. She awakes all the good left in me even if I thought it`s dead already. I don`t want to be disrespectful or cause her pain like all those pricks but I want her so badly it`s physically painful. It`s been a year since the first time I kissed her and she told me never to do so again. When I kiss her now she smiles. I can`t love anyone else but still don`t want to become a part of her painful past. Also, I don`t want to lose my best friend. We`ve saved our lives and are as close as a family. Can I hope for a happy ending for us?
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  • 2 weeks later...
Lovednotwanted

Iam completely in love with my boyfriend of ten years but he has never had any real sexual desire. He says he loves me and that is just the way he is and I need to deal with it but it hurts! The only time we ever have sex is if he isn't to tired and I get him hard first otherwise he never touches me sexually! We have gone 6 months to a year at times with nothing. He is very sweet though and loves to cuddle. I cry all the time because it hurts that he never touches me unless I start things first. I don't know what to do anymore because I don't want to be without him but it just so painful his lack of sexual desire towards me. Talking to him seems to do no good because he says he never wants to be with anyone but me and I know how much he loves me so his sexual desire shouldn't be a big deal.

 

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On 4/30/2020 at 12:21 AM, ikari_onasam said:

I don`t want to be disrespectful or cause her pain like all those pricks but I want her so badly it`s physically painful.

Please clarify. I don't often hear people say "I want X so badly" in purely a romantic sense, so I assume you mean sexually. But if she's asexual, I don't imagine trying to get her out of a toxic relationship and into one with you would go well with you so invested from the get-go.

 

On 4/30/2020 at 12:21 AM, ikari_onasam said:

It`s been a year since the first time I kissed her and she told me never to do so again. When I kiss her now she smiles.

If she told you never to kiss her again, why do you still kiss her now? How is this not also toxic if you're ignoring her desires? Did she change her mind, because that would be important to mention if you bother with her telling you not to. 

 

On 4/30/2020 at 12:21 AM, ikari_onasam said:

Can I hope for a happy ending for us?

Not really sure. You said she has never thought of you in terms of relationship-material, so likely not. If she knows you're interested and still treats you as just a friend, I do not think you can hope for a happy ending.

 

Also, yes, please avoid calling people "a real psycho" when you then reference their very real struggle with mental illness. That term is an insult and people end up in mental hospitals for their own wellbeing because they can't help it. 

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Guest Ca$hrina
On 4/29/2020 at 5:46 PM, CBC said:

I don't understand. He disgusts you and you don't care about him but you feel desire for him? How does that work?

Hmmm

Bit of an allo cliché honestly.

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Guest Ca$hrina
Just now, CBC said:

I'm not sure I follow?

I'm just saying that what the OP is describing is not that uncommon. Feeling sexually attracted to someone you don't like or care about is very common.

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anisotrophic
23 minutes ago, Ca$hrina said:

I'm just saying that what the OP is describing is not that uncommon. Feeling sexually attracted to someone you don't like or care about is very common.

Um, not for me.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to speak for all sexuals here… are you sexual too? Is this your personal experience as a sexual person? Because it sounds a bit unhealthy, tbh?

Anyway the OP was garbled and it's hard to tell what was meant.

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Guest Ca$hrina

A lot of people feel attracted to people they don't like. Everyone's experiences are different.

If you want an example just look at the majority of pop songs. Or movies.

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19 hours ago, Guest Ca$hrina said:

A lot of people feel attracted to people they don't like. Everyone's experiences are different.

If you want an example just look at the majority of pop songs. Or movies.

Ffs, the entertainment medias does not reflect reality. It's all fiction 99.9% of the time.

That's a terrible argument and you should stop taking their words for it (and somehow, reach to the conclusion that this must be true for the general population as well) because at worse, this means that you can't separate fiction from reality.

I have seen a lot of people (on-Aven and off-Aven) saying that they feel disgusted by the idea of being attracted to people they don't like, let alone, getting in a relationship with these people. You have two of them here telling you that they don't expirence this.

 

Good lord, better hope that Serran or Panficto  (especially them) doesn't see your comment.

 

Also, since when AVEN allows guests to make comments without an account?????

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29 minutes ago, bobbypin said:

And with the forums guests have access to, I think they can post without an account. Maybe? Opening AVEN in incognito, I have the option to "post now and register later." It prompts you to enter your email address and verify you're not a robot. Though I don't know what those posts would look like.

My understanding is that you need an account to post

 

I am surprised at this, checked it out myself and you are right yo say but I can't think of seeing any posts made by a guest and I will check it out in Admods. 

 

 

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38 minutes ago, bobbypin said:

And with the forums guests have access to, I think they can post without an account. Maybe? Opening AVEN in incognito, I have the option to "post now and register later." It prompts you to enter your email address and verify you're not a robot. Though I don't know what those posts would look like.

Yeah, I did the same before I posted that comment. I guess it was announced in the "Site Comments" sub-forum but eh, I rarely go there.

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The next page after that comes up the make an account

Spoiler

ERctCCf.jpg

 

Anyway, let's get back on topic

 

 

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anisotrophic

I suspect all posts were likely made before the account was converted to guest. And it felt like there was an elitist tone but kind of a moot point.
 

I think AVEN community is generally great about avoiding elitism! 👏 I can sympathize with the reasons behind that sort of tone a bit as a different lgbtqia+ minority, I get it can be alienating to feel different, but valuable to not let “pride” turn into “elitism” 🙂

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2 hours ago, CBC said:

Yeah I generally encourage asexuals to take the word of actual sexual people on AVEN rather than look to pop songs and the like for accurate descriptions of the experience of being sexual. Not that there aren't songs and movies and whatnot that do reflect real experiences -- and some of them do so very well -- but the entertainment industry is not the best source if one is seriously interested in learning about human sexuality.

I mean, that's like.... Imagine yourself trying to study physics and someone came up to you, telling you "Try with watching a few action movies" or something. Obviously, that's terrible idea.

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