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Coffee and a Lack of Empathy (game)


Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion

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Just steal whatever is currently in the creative writing game. (Also thank you for sharing)

 

My hair is getting too long

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Oberon Jasper

MULAN STYLE CHOP IT OFF!

 

I don't know how to express myself.

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Oberon Jasper

Stay up all day reading. It should balance out.

 

I want to finish my painting, but have work I need to do first.

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Quit your job and take up painting as a full time career. I am positive the job market is opening up on that front. 

 

I am concerned about the blueberries. 

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You should be... they are trying to take over the world, after all. No worries though, you should be eating bilberries anyways, they're far more flavourful ☺️

 

The paint on the wall wasn't drying fast enough, so now it has dripped all over my furniture...

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Oberon Jasper

Paint the rest of the furniture and call it abstract art. Make millions selling it online.

 

I ran out of flowers for my flower crowns.

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Make the crown with air, wear it out and claim that only the smart people can see the crown.

 

My grandma is a sweet old lady, who loves to cook for us. However, she forgets about the pots on fire and nearly set the kitchen on fire for a couple of times.

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Place a fire extinguisher on a Roomba.  Use duct tape to keep the handle pulled down. Allow the roomba to move constantly through the house. This should ensure fires are put out with relative efficiency.

 

I dislike chocolate, and people keep thinking Im weird because of it  

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Grey-Ace Ventura

Mix chocolate with dirt and offer it to whoever thinks you're weird so they'll dislike it too and not think you're weird

 

There's a thick fog in this creepy forest and I can hardly see

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Just walk until you come across a weird looking cottage. A nice little woman lives there and she will surely help you. Just mention her acoly... friend sent you there.

 

I just started a new apprenticeship. I'm super excited but who knew learning to fly on a broomstick would be so hard. Any advice?

 

 

 

 

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Wrap them in duct tape. I hear it's a decent insulator. Also if that doesn't work duct tape is flammable so that could also solve your problem 

 

I may have accidentally set my duct tap stock pile on fire

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Buy more duct tape to put in your house so you can burn the whole thing down, and claim the insurance money.

 

I want to go skiing, but there isn't enough snow. And I don't have skis.

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Well I now have a whole lot of ash where my house used to be, you can try skiing on that. I think a few of the support beams are still intact, we'll duct tape them to your feet and off you go. 

 

I burned down my house and the insurance investigator is starting to get suspicious. 

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You know what they say you will never get ritch without some lies.... So you just need to stick with it till he will believe you. 

 

My elbow hurts because I was lying on it for too long. 

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Remove the elbow and feed it to a cat!

 

I stuck with the lie through the insurance investigation, but now I need an alibi to prove I didn't burn down my house 

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Well give them my contact I will confirm your aliby. For 1% of that insurance :D

 

Apparently I am speaking too honestly sometimes.... It is becoming a problem.

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Just don't speak at all. That way you can never speak honestly.

 

I need to get more sleep.

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I have a big sledgehammer I can hit you in the head with, if you want.

 

I'm all out of mushrooms for my new potion.

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Just wait until mushroom season in autumn - patience builds character.

 

I need to do grocery shopping but I don't feel like going outside today. 

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Haven't you heard of grocery delivery? If that doesn't exist where you live, hire a cat to do it for you.

 

As instructed to, I sold my furniture, but now where do I sleep :/?

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With the help of my sledgehammer, You can sleep anywhere😀

 

What do I do when my skin isn't green enough and no warts are appearing on my nose?

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Duct tape frogs and toads to your face, will make you appear both green and warty!

 

They got video evidence of me burning my house down. @Feliciti0 didn't give a strong enough alibi. We are both now wanted for arson and insurance fraud. 

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Act before they do! Duct tape the police department and insurance company and burn them down and you can claim more insurance from there.

 

My grandma made me a huge bowl of noodles, it tastes horrible but she is so nice that I don't want to let her down, what to do?

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Drown it in Tomato sauce and mushrooms, and pretend it is lasagna. Then regift it back to her.

 

I don't have enough books to read.

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Oberon Jasper

Build a time machine and go back to the Library of Alexandria before it's burned down.

 

My life is moving in loops and I have very little control over what I do.

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You probably forgot a break statement in one of those loops. Try running your life in the debugger to see if you can find the issue.

 

I need something but I don't know what it is.

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"All you neeeeeEEEEEEEEED is the rhythm divine"

 

I got a terrible song stuck in my head

 

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Let me borrow your sledgehammer for a moment, and I'll see if I can get it out for you...

 

It seems like I was able to sleep well last night, but for some reason I had this huge bump on the back of my head... anyone got any idea why it's there and what I can do about it?

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