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Coffee and a Lack of Empathy (game)


Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion

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Buy all the potato head accessories.  You too can look this cute:

 

s-l300.jpg

 

I want to go to bed but my laundry isn't dry yet and is in the communal laundry room.

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Climb into the tumble dryer and you'll get rocked to sleep 

 

The only things in my fridge are a left sock and the TV remote

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Oberon Jasper

Just buy 100 and keep them in a shoebox in your closet.

 

I think I might be an anarchist...

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sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ

I guess the ace revolution will be more fun for you. That's not a problem.

 

It's really foggy out today.

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Oberon Jasper

Go for a walk down the free way. Enjoy the foggy mist and don't mind the flashing lights.

 

I have mild/moderate trypanophobia.

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As well you should.  The doctors and nurses should practice on oranges instead of on you.

 

I find it hard to eat healthily when just cooking for one.

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Quit eating. Solve the healthy diet problem and plus you do not need to cook anymore.

 

My boss is being a jerk. He asked us to work overtime to totally rework the plan for at least five times, said that he hated everything about what we turned in yet never clarifies what he is looking for. Last meeting, he was furious at our failure to interpret his demands, which I doubt if he even understands himself.

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Punch your boss in the face to establish dominance, and stand over his body while beating your chest and proclaiming that you are the new boss.

 

My dad keeps leaving dirty dishes everywhere, and then blaming *me* for his inability to do them. He'll leave them all over the stove, fill the sink, fill the dishwasher halfway, the fridge, the counters, and his half of the table.

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I don't see a problem in that. This makes perfect excuse to stick your dad's head into the pile of dirty dishes, and get new stove, sink, dish washer, fridge, counter and table, a win-win.

 

My little cousin, who is a spoiled brat, came for a visit and broke all of my artworks that I spent years on. When I complained to his parents, they laughed at me and said "Those works would not sell at the first place."

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Sell the broken pieces as a work in itself "Torment of the tortured artist", become the next Tracy Emin, make millions then gloat at them 

 

My cats have stolen my pillows 

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Oberon Jasper

Do nothing. Once the cats have claimed something it is too late.

 

I'm too broke to afford dark academia aesthetic stuff.

Scratch the previous problem actually... here's a new one:

I think a kid in my 7th hour has a crush on me.

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Take a nap. In your dream, you will become a billionaire that can afford anything you want and crush that kid instead.

 

There is a crazy downpour and thunderstorm going on and cable in my neighborhood got hit by lightning. They say it will take days to fix but I have work to turn in right now. My boss would fire me if I do not hand in my work in time. I cannot go anywhere else to do it since the road is also flooded.

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Oberon Jasper

Climb across the roofs and hijack a random strangers internet and house to submit it. 

 

I'm feeling kinda paranoid today.

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Have a zombie eat your brain, that is where the problem is. No brain, no paranoia.

 

@Kieran :)  's  advice to hijack strangers' internet and house is the best idea ever, I successfully submitted my work!  However, they called the police and the cops are after me. What shall I do?

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Quickly run to a therapist for advice, and no more advice from the internet!

 

My Covid bubble has been breached by my best friend taking up with a new romantic partner.  What to do?

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Do nothing, even if you catch the covid, you would probably recover in 15 seconds like what Trump had said. (Please don't do this!)

 

@pickles mcgee's idea of running to the therapist sounds bright, yet I found out police officers are already waiting for me there outside the therapists' hospital. What to do?

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Insomnia is great. Enjoy the night! You can probably sit next to the window and observe how the light slowly penetrates the darkness and do an art project based on that. A lot of the greatest works of art were created late at night, and you might even become the next Vincent Van Gogh or James Abbott McNeill Whistler.

 

My boss demands us to work for at least nine hours a day and six days in a week, yet refuses to pay us for the overtime. He insisted that he is not giving us too much work and we only "voluntarily" work overtime because of our lack of effective time management skills.

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Punch him in the cake hole and say that your anger management skills are as good as your time management skills. Safe to say you won't do another minute's overtime again 

 

My cats have barricaded the front door 

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Try reasoning with your cats by telling them that a well-behaved cat does not barricade front doors. If they keep doing so, they would lose their privilege to go out.

 

I followed your advice @Skycaptain and punched my boss in the face and I am fired as a result. Now what?

 

 

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Oberon Jasper

@Hunji Qi

Start your own business offering the same product/service and become better than your boss. Make him regret firing you ever minute as you make double his salary.

 

Also, I took your advice and I am now brain dead.... help?

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Find a neuro-necromancer. They're pretty rare nowadays since most doctors have abandoned the dark arts in favor of science, but that creepy abandoned hospital down the street might be a good start.

 

I need to get back in shape but I can't go to the gym

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Oberon Jasper

Build your own like all those people on American Ninja Warrior.

 

 

I went to the hospital down the street and they wouldn't let me in?

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Build your own hospital, complete with a gym.

 

There's this three legged man whispering profanities to me. He's been going at it for a couple of hours now.

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Oberon Jasper

Stick a piece of soap in his mouth. That'll make him stop.

 

I have to leave my rabbit in the care of my friend for 2 weeks and I am going to miss him.

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Be sure they have the nanny cam turned on 24/7 so you can watch your bunny's every move.  Or non-move, as the case may be. 🐇

 

I want to go to Utah for Thanksgiving but my state has a new two-week freeze in place to slow down the spread of Covid.

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Oberon Jasper

Be a rebel. Sneak away. If you want to get real elaborate fake your death and run away to Utah.

 

 

I think I played myself and now I'm feeling like I'll always be second choice.

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storms&squalls

Well, first is worst, second is best. Honestly you should be aiming for second in everything!

 

My sister is learning how to play the recorder, and the piercing shrieks (of the recorder) are almost constant.

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Wildly applaud each and every time she concludes a piece!  Show some recorder love, Sis.

 

I need some work done on my car if I want to sneak away to Utah.

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