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Coffee and a Lack of Empathy (game)


Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion

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Phantasmal Fingers

Microwave it. 

 

@Mz Terry has turned into a genteel psychopath who keeps trampling all over anything that isn't blue! 

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Aquatic Paradox

Since you're aware, you know to stay away from her.

 

I've volunteered to burn @Mz Terry's house down due to the fly problem, but I'm stuck in traffic.

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Phantasmal Fingers

I don't live anywhere near her or I'd happily pop round with a flaming brand or a molotov cocktail. 🙂 

 

Still, I suppose I could put a sign in the window saying "Torch Terry Towers!" What do you think? 

 

@Mz Terry keeps trampling on all my lovely red things! 🙁

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Phantasmal Fingers

Before we burn down Terry Towers perhaps we should warn @Mole? He'll probably be in the cellar eating marmalade. We don't want him to end up as toast... 

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There's nothing you can do but surrender to the blue invasion.

 

My room is too hot at night.

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If it's Red Hot, watch out for Mz Terry!

 

I'm blue da ba dee da ba daa

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Don't do anything, because blue is obviously superior.

 

I'm tired.

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Aquatic Paradox

Who isn't?

 

I can't think of anything creative, for some reason.

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Then think of something creative for no reason.

 

I need a safety pin, but there isn't one around.

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Grey-Ace Ventura

Those things aren't safe, hence there's no way you could need a safety pin. I'm sure there's a normal pin around though.

 

I am unable to eat crackers while I wait for the orthodontist to have a look because he put a cheek retractor on me and left.

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Aquatic Paradox

Buy a drink with one of those squeezy tops to drink from instead.

 

I don't understand why people buy water guns when drinks with squeezy tops are just as effective.

 

 

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sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ

Coolness factor

 

I can't open my new stapler's packaging.

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That's what happens when you buy the economy model. For £1.99 more you get it in a box that opens 

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50ShadesOfGreyAndPurple

i paid £2 more to get a box for my stationary that works, but now i find out the stapler is refusing to close, anyone know how much that will cost me?

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Aquatic Paradox

That sounds like a good maths question to ask primary school kids.

 

I’ve freed a bunch of circus animals, but they don’t want to leave their cages.

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Move into the cages yourself, either they'll move out or you have new pets 

 

The local pub won't serve my pet tiger 

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50ShadesOfGreyAndPurple

complain of acephobia, do they server the tigers of others, I BET THEY DO!

 

my friend is gluten intolerant and therefore can't eat cake, would they be safe to come out to?

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That's perfect, you can eat all the cake 😁😁

 

I started exercising to deal with a surfeit of cake. Now my feet hurt 

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Aquatic Paradox

The pain is the cake leaving your body. 

 

I'm getting stopped and searched for riding an elephant into town. 

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  • 2 weeks later...
Just a Quail

Don't let that stop you! Have your elephant step over anyone who wishes to deter you.

 

I can't beat a boss in a video game I'm playing.

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Throw the game console out of the window, then go after it and beat it with a baseball bat. That'll show it who's the boss.

 

I bought a pullover that doesn't fit. It's too small.

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sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ

Wear it as a stylish belt instead.

I blended hot cheetos and gave it to my friends as a smoothie. Now she's mad.

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Grey-Ace Ventura

Maybe that's because you didn't give her a straw.

 

I want a jelly doughnut but can't get it.

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Just a Quail

Train a pet to go get one for you!

 

I'm tempted to spend money on stuff I don't need.

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Aquatic Paradox

Why would you spend money on stuff you don’t need?

 

Can people have ideas without a question in mind?

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Grey-Ace Ventura

Slather on the pb and get back in there, champ

 

I'm thirsty but don't want to walk all the way to the lobby to get water

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Call the firefighters and tell them your office is burning.

 

My feet stinks terrible

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Aquatic Paradox

You could use some shoe spray as deodorant.

 

Why can’t rhetorical questions be answered?

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sSevenOfSpadeƧƨ

Why not answer them anyways to be rebellious?

I gave my friend a straw but she's still mad.

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