Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Tea and sympathy not your thing? Stop on by for a cup of joe and some terrible advice. Give a terrible solution for the previous problem, then post your own personal problem (real or otherwise) Inspired by wrong answer and terrible advice threads and groups Rules: Some things are funny, some are still out of bounds. I'll give examples of things to avoid in the spoiler , but basically please don't step over the joke-line to things that aren't funny. Spoiler TW mentions of sui r*pe, and child killing Spoiler Things I don't think are okay, even joking, include: Advising someone to kill themselves. Advising someone to commit rape/sexual assault Advising hurting or killing children/babies I'm sure I missed some, but basically use your common sense. Example Player 1 Advice I have this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left hand side Player 2 Damage the diodes on your right hand side so they hurt too, now you're nice and even. I can never find my keys 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Put up Missing-posters around the neighborhood. Just be sure to provide your address so anyone who find your keys can return them. (was I supposed to continue on the example?) My houseplants always dies, no matter what I do. 6 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Man of the Stoa Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Burn down your house and use the insurance money to buy the one West, so there'll only be one property with that address. If necessary, blackmail Jagger with knowledge of his drug operation to get him to sell. Make sure when you blackmail him, you confront him alone and don't tell anyone about it, since blackmailing is a crime and you don't want to be found out. My neighbor's punk kids keep practicing their lame garage band late at night. 7 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolatastic AroAce Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Offer to join the group....they will be so repulsed by an "old" person ruining their band they will stop. The bus schedule is awful where I live and I have been having to try and get rides just to get home at a decent time. I wish there was a way to make the buses better. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 But your own bus and start your own route. How should I get out of hanging out with my brother. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 @Man of the Stoa Since You can't beat them, join them! @CBC Send her this:💩 I suffer from Insomnia 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 Give up on trying to sleep and just walk around in a halucinating, paranoid daze until you fall over where you are standing and sleep. From one insomniac to another that is the best way to get to sleep, never fails 34 minutes ago, Andrea KF said: (was I supposed to continue on the example?) Yes, and thank you, I should have made that clearer Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Use this next time you think you're not clear enough: I bought a new pullover on the Internet, but it was the wrong size when I got it. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 Run a really hot bath, if the pullover is too big, soak it in the bath til it shrinks, if the pullover is too small, soak yourself in the bath so you shrink Alternatively you could become a nudist My cat always changes his mind about what food flavours he likes, so I never know what he will eat 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Mix all the food together and if he doesnt want it offer him dog food. Somebody keeps drinking all my energade and its costing me to replace Quote Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 What’s that? Put vinegar in an empty one. @CBC text her back in Morse code. What should I do until I get new glasses? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Strap binoculars to your head and stand faaaar away from the computer screen. My back aches. Any advice? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 keep your guinea pigs in your bedroom, and let them cuddle up in bed with you every night I have chronic migraines 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LiveLaugh(Love?) Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Pay a child to scream really loudly until your brain becomes numb and you cannot feel pain. I am making macaroni and cheese but have no cheese. 4 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Man of the Stoa Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 1 hour ago, N8LV3y said: What’s that? Put vinegar in an empty one. I'm pretty sure this would actually fix her problem Cheese is basically old milk, so just put some milk out overnight and substitute it My neighbor's punk kids keep ringing my door bell and running off by the time I answer it 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Put confetti popper traps all over the lawn, so when they walk across they get blasted with loud sounds and paper dots. My cat is too heavy, and sleeps on my leg, putting my leg to sleep. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zectarash Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Sounds like your cat needs more exercise; you should put a leash on them and take them on a morning jog every day. Cats love that! I'm kinda hungry. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Grey-Ace Ventura Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Eat toilet paper because people seem to be buying more of it than food. My laptop has terrible battery life. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrea KF Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Uninstall your current OS and install Windows 3.1 It's very stressful at work right now. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Plug it up with clay. My computer mouse has gone missing, and I can't leave my house to get a new one. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Get very drunk and then snort enough coke so that you just don't care any more! Simples! 😀 I can't be arsed watering the flowers. I really like'em but I just can't be bothered. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Phantasmal Fingers Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 As any British parlementarian might say, may I refer my honourable friend to my previous answer? 😀 I want to go to the toilet but I can't be arsed doing that either... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Remove your digestive system. No bladder no problem. Plus you can then sell all the organs for profit later on. Bonus I want to redecorate but I don’t have money, Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Go dumpster diving for cardboard boxes and tack up cardboard logos everywhere. All of my neighbors won't stop screaming. What can I do? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Scream even louder. There is a temporal vortex in my bathtub. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted April 26, 2020 Author Share Posted April 26, 2020 Jump into it and see where it takes you "There's no point in being alive if you can't live dangerously" - The Doctor If you land in a different time, congratulations, you are living the dream If you find yourself floating in the vacuum of space then you may find the following passage from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy Useful "What to do if you find yourself stuck with no hope of rescue: Consider yourself lucky that life has been good to you so far. Alternatively, if life hasn't been good to you so far, which given yourpresent circumstances seems more likely, consider yourself lucky that it won't be troubling you much longer" My TARDIS won't land where and when I tell it to 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Man of the Stoa Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Land it somewhere and sometime you don't want, then. "There's no point in being alive if you can't live dangerously" - The Doctor My neighbor's punk kids keep driving well over the 25 speed limit of our street. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ace-TheTimelordsCompanion Posted April 26, 2020 Author Share Posted April 26, 2020 Jump in front of their cars and play chicken to give them a fright (Don't do this!) My heatpump is being very temperamental, and not always blowing warm air when it should, it is coming in to winter here Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lee the asexual panda Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 (edited) Get a fever and be your own space heater I want to talk to my friends but they won't text me back. Edited April 26, 2020 by Lee the asexual panda 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blunose2772 Posted April 26, 2020 Share Posted April 26, 2020 Drive to their homes and shout at them through a megaphone. My office chair broke 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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