Lithromantic and not proud

[Sleepysloth1234]

I found the definition of lithromantic and I have never felt so connected. I love flirting and falling in love and it's great but as soon as reciprocated, my feelings fade a lot to where I almost feel grossed out if they feel the same or want anything romantic. I just always feel guilty because I know I'm the reason for our breakup. Is it wrong of me to still flirt and try being in relationships? Or is it sociopathic, manipulative, and I should just stay away from them?

[warrigan]

i don't think "sociopathic" or "manipulative" are necessarily the words to use here, not least of all because "sociopath" is a mental diagnosis.

i can see why you would be upset or distressed, but please don't be!  your feelings aren't yours or anyone's "fault," they can't be a fault, they're just feelings.  you just are the way you are, and there's no reason to change that part of you.

 

i'm curious what you want.  you mention maybe you should "try being in relationships" but also mention "i...feel grossed out if they feel the same or want anything romantic."  tbh, that to me sounds like a relationship is not necessarily what you want!  not that that prevents you from being in a relationship- you are definitely "allowed" to be in a relationship if you would like!  especially now that you know that you're lithromantic, perhaps you will be more aware of the challenges in a relationship as they come up.  if that's what you prefer, there's nothing wrong with going for it!

 

then as your other option you say you should "just stay away from them."  that seems like the other extreme to me.  it seems to me that there are a lot of people who like to flirt harmlessly or with no real end goal, does it make it easier on you to mentally place yourself in that category?  you could even be upfront with people, if you want: "i'm not interested in being in a relationship, but i love some flirting!  is that something you'd mind?"  that could be a bit of an intermediate solution?

i would encourage you to spend some time and think about what you specifically want for yourself!  and i would also like to point out that your approach doesn't have to be all-or-nothing.    (and also, do NOT feel ashamed or upset for being lithro, you are great as you are!)

[Janus the Fox]

Moved to Romantic and Aromantic Orientations

 

Janus DarkFox

Questions about Asexuality, Asexual Musings and Rantings & Open Mic Moderator

[2XD]

I would also say that you should figure out what you do want. If its just flirting and crushes that you enjoy, then do that. You have the right to not be in a relationship, if you dont desire one. Yes, it might be uncomfortable and hurtful a bit, to shut someone down, but it might be better, doing it before you even enter the relationship, than breaking up with them.

It may be "leading someone on" to flirt without having the intentions of taking things further, but I think it depends on how far you take the flirting.

 

Another option maybe be "open relationships" were you do get to be with a person, but not all their "affection" is geared towards you, so maybe it won't feel "gross"? The optimal situation may be to be dating "a jerk" who is emotionally shut off and won't show you any affection, so you can have feelings towards them, but they dont show their affection towards you. But that might be a can of worms and is not really something I want to advice. But from where Im standing, it kinda seems logical (???) ... 😬

 

I think the first step is really to try to figure out what it is that you want. Casual relationships without deep feelings? Just admiring your crush from afar? Flirting without ever taking things to a dating level?

 

 

[Rynn]

In these cases I think it's important to be honest about how you feel and your specific situation with any potential partners, and then they get to decide whether they're okay with that