is wanting to kiss someone sexual attraction

[Silme]

Right so I’m 16 (since feb) which is what got me thinking about all of this in the first place (legal age for sex and all that). As far as I’m aware I’ve never experienced sexual attraction but I might just have overlooked it or maybe I’m just a late bloomer or maybe it’s just that girls aren’t that sexual like boys my age? I’ve never looked at anyone and thought ooo I’d like to have sex with them or anything but then I don’t think other people think that? Maybe about celebrities but surely not just ppl on the street or whatever, also I can recognise what other people view as hot because I’ve learnt to recognise it and I can tell when people are pretty and nice to look at. The thing is there are one or two celebrities or characters from tv shows that I do find hot? Like I see them and it’s like oh damnnnn they’re pretty (or for some of them whatever the male equivalent is) and I feel sort of mesmerised by them and occasionally feel like I’d like to kiss them, is that some sort of sexual attraction?

I’ve never got the hype over sex like it probably feels good but so does masturbation so there’s not really a need for other people but maybe its because i haven’t tried it, the thought of it actually makes me feel a lil ill sometimes but maybe I’m just a late developer? I’ve no idea what most 16 yr old girls experience so idk also it just sounds like it’d be awkward.

I read somewhere that asexuals don’t fantasise but I sometimes do (this might be tmi so skip if you really don’t like this stuff ig) its not really people I actually know but it does involve me, I don’t fantasise about actual sex it’s more foreplay or directed at a dominant kink thing. Also sometimes I get aroused at porn or whatever but it’s not because I want to join in? and if I picture myself in it it’s still because of a kink because without that I feel nothing and it seems gross? I can see like pictures of really ‘hot’ people and not feel anything (along with naked people because its just a body) as well but like I said there are the occasional celebrity or character I’d like to kiss. 

Also is occasionally getting a bit turned on by kissing someone sexual attraction? 

At first I thought I might be pan because I’m just not fussed about gender or people’s bodies but now I’m just confusedddddd 😕

Edited April 6, 2020 by Silme

[AlexTheGrey]

I honestly have no clue. Maybe you're greysexual/panromantic? That's all I can think

 

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

2 hours ago, Silme said:

I feel sort of mesmerised by them and occasionally feel like I’d like to kiss them, is that some sort of sexual attraction?

No

[Silme]

Just now, Grey-Ace Ventura said:

No

What is it then? like it’s something? Idk

[Grey-Ace Ventura]

Just now, Silme said:

What is it then? like it’s something? Idk

It's just wanting to kiss someone. Kissing is not sex or sexual.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, Silme said:

 

I read somewhere that asexuals don’t fantasise but I sometimes do 

 

Also is occasionally getting a bit turned on by kissing someone sexual attraction? 

 

A lot of aces do fantasize.

 

I would think more sensual.  

[Daniella]

Well I think it's actually the way you want the kiss to be :'0 because you could kiss anyone just because you love them and want to show affection, for example when you wanted to hug and kiss your parents when you were little.

Asexual people can find someone pretty, watching porn, masturbating and getting aroused has nothing to do with being sexual, it's physical, what makes someone non-asexual is the wish of engaging in intercourse with someone else =) some asexuals even have sex and that doesn't make them less asexual.

I'm not sure if you are greysexual or sexual, greysexual people experience sexual attraction very rarely or under specific sets of circustamces if I remember right, now being sexual doesn't mean you find every person that you see hot xD

Sexual attraction usually stars at the beginning of puberty but if you experience it later in life that's okay

[hypnopompic]

3 hours ago, Silme said:

I read somewhere that asexuals don’t fantasise but I sometimes do (this might be tmi so skip if you really don’t like this stuff ig) its not really people I actually know but it does involve me, I don’t fantasise about actual sex it’s more foreplay or directed at a dominant kink thing. Also sometimes I get aroused at porn or whatever but it’s not because I want to join in? and if I picture myself in it it’s still because of a kink because without that I feel nothing and it seems gross? I can see like pictures of really ‘hot’ people and not feel anything (along with naked people because its just a body) as well but like I said there are the occasional celebrity or character I’d like to kiss. 

Also is occasionally getting a bit turned on by kissing someone sexual attraction? 

At first I thought I might be pan because I’m just not fussed about gender or people’s bodies but now I’m just confusedddddd 😕

First, as GatsbyGirl pointed out, asexuals can absolutely have fantasies, even of a sexual nature, so no, you having fantasies does not automatically mean you can't be asexual.

Second, it is not uncommon for some asexuals to get aroused by visual or auditive stimuli, such as watching porn or hearing sounds associated with sex. So again, getting aroused when watching porn is not a clear indication of your sexuality.

Third, getting turned on by kissing is a pretty natural response of your body (provided that you like kissing, of course). However, this arousal is not triggered by attraction towards the person kissing you but more by the act itself. This might seem a little weird but when I kissed my former boyfriends, my body would get aroused but my mind couldn't. I felt nothing when kissing them, no affection, no spark and certainly no attraction but my body seemed to enjoy the whole kissing process, so I'd occasionally indulge in it. So kissing can turn you on but doesn't require sexual attraction.

And last but not least, you seem to be panromantic if you do not care about genders or bodies but more about people's personalities and minds. Could be that you're a panromatic asexual who can get aroused by fantasizing about or watching sexual activities without feeling the need or want to join in. If that's the case, welcome to the club. If you have any questions (as specific and explicit as you want, I'm very blunt about sex), ask them. Because honestly, I wish I had had someone to have an open and honest conversation with when I was your age.

[NickyTannock]

Welcome to AVEN!

 

It doesn't sound like Sexual Attraction, no.

 

There are many types of attraction, and perhaps a breakdown will be helpful for you.

There's Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex).

There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (I still don't know what that is, I'm Aromantic).

There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling.

There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them).

There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone.

And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's my favourite cake,

Spoiler

 

http://chocolateartcake.blogspot.com/

 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

Unless you actually want sex/sexual activities, it's not sexual.

[Silme]

16 hours ago, MichaelTannock said:

Welcome to AVEN!

 

It doesn't sound like Sexual Attraction, no.

 

There are many types of attraction, and perhaps a breakdown will be helpful for you.

There's Sexual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have sex with someone (This is different from arousal, which doesn't always lead to desiring sex).

There's Romantic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a romantic relationship (I still don't know what that is, I'm Aromantic).

There's Sensual Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have intimate non-sexual physical contact with someone, like cuddling.

There's Aesthetic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to appreciate someone's aesthetic beauty (you can't take your eyes off them).

There's Platonic Attraction, which I define as leading to the desire to have a close friendship with someone.

And more.

 

Incidentally, it is a tradition here to welcome new members by offering cake, and here's my favourite cake,

  Hide contents

 

http://chocolateartcake.blogspot.com/

 

That’s one nice looking cake!

[Aven Mindcensor]

chocolate cake is meh, but those marshmallows(?) look good tho

[Liana]

I’d say that from my experience, kisses are more loving and romantic than they are sexual. Perhaps some people would consider wanting to kiss sexual attraction, but I don’t see it as the same as lust.

[Aven Mindcensor]

@Darth Plagueis the Wise how strong of an urge to kiss someone would you identify as sexual, or do you think it has nothing to do with intensity but intention?

 

[Liana]

12 minutes ago, Aven Mindcensor said:

@Darth Plagueis the Wise how strong of an urge to kiss someone would you identify as sexual, or do you think it has nothing to do with intensity but intention?

 

Intention matters more. If you are kissing with the intent of engaging and going to other activity, then I can see an argument for it being seen as sexual. If you are kissing someone that you love because you are in love with them, I think that that’s not sexual attraction.