I think I'm going on a date... how do I tell him no?

[Trebela Pianissimo]

I've recently started thinking of myself as grey-sexual and aromantic, but I don't think this guy realizes that...

 

I broke up with a long term boyfriend recently and there's another guy who I think of as a friend, but not a close one. He asked me to go to the movies with him and eat fro yo after (when this is all over), and either I'm too arg to realize that this is a friend thing, or he's gonna tell me his feelings.

 

AAAAAH! This is awful! I don't want to date him! I don't want to date anyone! I'm not out yet, and I don't think I'm ready to be, since we live in a small town and my parents are super connected so if anyone else knows then my parents likely will. 

 

If he tells me he likes me, what should I tell him I'm not interested?

[smh]

just try to keep it as simple as possible. if he ends up saying something, i would say something along the lines of "i'm flattered, but i'm not interested in you like that, i like us a just friends" or something like that

that way you can tell him that you don't want to date him, but you don't have to come out at that time.

i hope this helps!

[AspieAlly613]

Can you send him a text saying "Just to clarify, this is just platonic, right?" or something like that?

[SithLord]

Sounds like a date to me. There are ways you can send hints that you don't want it to be a date, like suggest other friends come, or ask to invite others who want to hang out. But this would require you have other friends who might want to come. 

 

But as for letting him down, say so gently. Like "I like you as a friend, and I don't want to ruin our friendship" (if he says it won't, insist you'd rather just stay friends). 

[HonoraryJedi]

I'm always a little confused by aros thinking that they have to come out to turn someone down. You don't. Romantic people are not available to everyone who asks! They turn eachother down all the time, it is a normal thing to do. A simple "I'm sorry, I don't feel that way about you." will suffice, if you're asked. If you don't know if this is a date or not, you could also clarify that first.

[Iam9man]

6 minutes ago, smh said:

just try to keep it as simple as possible. if he ends up saying something, i would say something along the lines of "i'm flattered, but i'm not interested in you like that, i like us a just friends" or something like that

Having been on the giving and receiving end of this message I can confirm it hurts, but is absolutely the right way to go. Short, sweet and final.

 

PS Some of my female friends tell me some guys simply can’t/won’t get this message even when you spell it out 👎

[Norellia]

If you don't want to down right reject him you could also say your just not ready to be in another relationship yet because you just got out of one. This may bite you later if he continues to push for a relationship down the line, but it is another solution. Even if you decide to tell him you don't have feelings for him you don't have to mention your romantic/sexual orientations. If he does ask for a reason then just simply say you are not looking to be anything more than friends right now and if he doesn't respect that than take it as a red flag that he may not respect your boundaries.

[Homer]

2 hours ago, SithEmpress said:

Sounds like a date to me.

Why though. It's a common activity among friends.

 

@Trebela Pianissimo I think you can just tell him what you told us  

[SithLord]

1 minute ago, Homer said:

Why though. It's a common activity among friends.

I agree it's problematic. But the idea of you knowing it could be swung as a date because of his potential feelings and with only two people (assumed monogamy here) means it's likely meant as a date when it's something like a movie and snack/dinner/coffee/whatever. Yes, I've done this with friends, but most of the time we are the same sex (I only have one non-hetero friend and she knows we're not into each other like that) or would make sure we're both entirely sure it's a platonic outing before going. 

[Guest]

2 hours ago, HonoraryJedi said:

I'm always a little confused by aros thinking that they have to come out to turn someone down. You don't. Romantic people are not available to everyone who asks! They turn eachother down all the time, it is a normal thing to do. A simple "I'm sorry, I don't feel that way about you." will suffice, if you're asked. If you don't know if this is a date or not, you could also clarify that first.

^^ This.

You don't have to explain or make it complicated (unless you want to), a simple "sorry I'm not interested in you like that", "sorry I'm not looking for a relationship right now", "sorry I think of you as a friend" is enough information. Being rejected and rejecting others is a normal part of most people's lives. Sure it's uncomfortable but you really don't need to make a big deal out of it.

 

If you want to subtly try and head off any potential awkwardness in advance messaging them something like "it will be great to hang out with a friend after this lock down" will hint towards it being platonic.