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Rant about insensitivity and dating culture


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I recently remembered another #AroAceProblem that I would have posted on AVEN a long time ago, but I was perhaps too flustered by the #AroAceMoment to think about posting.

 

So I was waiting for the security escort (no pun intended) to arrive at my friends' dorm so I could go back to my dorm, and my (male) friend and I were hanging out in the lobby as I was waiting. Then the escort came in, and I said bye to my friend. As soon as we got outside, the escort said "Who's that? Hmm? Hmm?" and kind of patted me on the arm. I told them not to touch me, ever, maybe a little too firmly, but that was of no concern at the moment. I could do nothing but sputter for a few seconds after that, until I managed to say "Do you know what an aromantic asexual is???"

 

They said they didn't, so I explained. (I had calmed down considerably by this point.) There were no #AroAceComplications after that because they were very understanding when I explained, so I didn't have to answer any more ignorant/insensitive questions (hence the Complications). Upon returning to my dorm, I had quite the story to share with my friends over the phone 😂

 

But seriously. Why do some people ask such intrusive questions, especially when those questions could hurt others? Also, why would someone who's only talked to me a few times want to know my relationship status? Is that even important? I don't think so.

 

Furthermore, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people assume I'm not aroace. The reason why it annoys me so much is because these social norms follow me wherever I go, even when I will have nothing to do with them, and they insult my identities just because I have identities which are not commonly accepted. I know that's a hard pet peeve to have because I can't expect everyone I meet to know I'm aroace without me telling them, and I don't necessarily want to come out to everyone when I first meet them because that'd be weird/inappropriate in certain contexts.

 

Anyway, I just wanted to rant, and I'm done now. Thanks for caring enough to read this. :) 

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I totally get this, I never personally understood who some people always assume if you're hanging out with someone that you must be more than friends. Even before I had realized I am Ace, this type of behavior that you described about the other person asking intrusive questions and acting so super touchy feely for now valid reason - this kind of stuff had always gotten on my nerves so I can relate.

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