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Anorgasmia


SnowflowerMV

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SnowflowerMV

Hi,

I’m new here and just wondered how many women can’t orgasm? I’m 39 and have NEVER had an orgasm, even by myself. Is that common for asexuals? I don’t know if it’s physical or due to anxiety or some other mental block, or because I’m asexual...? I know many asexuals can still orgasm, so I guess I’m just curious if there are others who can’t, and if you would please share your stories. Sometimes it doesn’t bother me, but other times it makes me feel frustrated/sad/broken/inferior, etc.

Any words of advice or commiseration would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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I'm not sure if I "can't" orgasm, or if I've just never taken the steps to achieve one. I gain 0 pleasure from physical stimuli and haven't been able to get close.

Spoiler

I've tried oral, PiV, fingers, clitoris, vagina, etc. Haven't tried anal, nor do I want to. But maybe there's something I've missed? 

The closest I've ever felt myself respond to is when reading something erotic, but the arousal just fades or goes away suddenly. I've never built to anything like an orgasm. 

 

But I don't think this has much to do with asexuality. Asexuality means lacking the desire to engage in the activity, but I think the actual inability has more to do with anatomy or psychology. So maybe it would be harder for asexuals to achieve orgasm, but we're also less likely to experiment with different things to get the end result.

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Its often worth first looking at physical issues, and in particular some medications (including anti=depressants) can affect a person's ability to orgasm.

 

Many asexuals  do not desire sex, but are able to orgasm if they want to.  OTOH, someone who is unable to orgasm might not desire sex   Maybe we have to get more meta and say that asexuality is not desiring to desire sex?

 

Anyway, labels are not important.  There are sites with suggestions for people who are unable to orgasm but would like to do so.  I don't know for how many people it is impossible to orgasm.

 

 

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21 hours ago, SnowflowerMV said:

I’m new here and just wondered how many women can’t orgasm? I’m 39 and have NEVER had an orgasm, even by myself.

I don't think I've ever had one either, but it's not what I'm going for, so I don't care.

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lilyofthevalley

If I’m honest I’m not really sure what an orgasm is

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Only about 1 % of the population are asexual and about 50 % of the world population are women. Now I'm not good at math, but wouldn't that mean that only 0.5 % are asexual women? That's not many women that can't orgasm though.
But since there are more than 0.5 women who cannot orgasm I think the problem lies not with asexuality but rather that women are afraid (or have been taught to be afraid) of their own sexualities and desires. Or they live in cultures where the only time they are allowed to do anything sexual, was when their husbands wan it. They never learned to pleasure themselves, because that is a big no no. They (the society thinks that a woman has no desires other than what her husband wants, so she never gets to practice and find out what makes her feel good)

Actually I think my asexuality made me able to orgasm more than the "normal" woman. I've been able to since I was 13, and because I didn't have to please another person, other than myself I was able to find out how it feels, and how I like it

Of course there are some people both men and women who have trouble orgasming, even with masturbation but that's a medical problem (or a symptom of medication, I lost my ability for a period of time after starting on antiphychotics) but it has nothing to do with sexuality. A gay man might have sex and orgasm with a woman, that doesn't make him straight

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  • 1 year later...
Yellow Highlighter

Not only have I not had an orgasm; I haven't been on the playing field where they happen. This has been bothering me a lot lately.

I love touch, dance, movement, massage, etc. I crave intimacy with my partner. We engage in a lovely time where he focuses on my pleasure first then his. Afterwards, I still am craving something that does not exist in my reality. He obtains a release and I am short changed.

Add on to this his extended time away from home for work purposes and I miss being touched.

Add on that the pandemic has significantly decreased the amount of physical touch I receive.

I am in a perpetual state of lacking.

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Sister Mercurial
On 4/7/2020 at 12:43 PM, lilyofthevalley said:

If I’m honest I’m not really sure what an orgasm is

Same here.  I've tried various things on myself, found some of them provoked some sort of response, but nothing like "the earth moving" or all the other clichés people use to describe the big O.  I've had more intense sensations of physical pleasure the first time I've heard certain great songs or when I've been watching an awesome band play live.  

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