Any greysexual AND greyromantic people out there?

[Guest]

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you are all staying safe and healthy! 😄

 

Wasn't sure if I should have posted this in the "Romantic and Aromantic Orienation" page... but anyone out there in the grey area both romantically and sexually? It could be anything from being grey, lith, demi, etc. I'm using "grey" because it's more of an umbrella term and I want to be inclusive of all identities.

 

My experience: I don't develop romantic and sexual feelings very often and it can be rare for me to experience both feelings toward one person. Oftentimes I go back and forth between identifying as aroace and identifying as allosexual/romantic. I don't feel completely sexual/romantic but I don't feel completely aroace either. However, on some days I think "Oh yeah I'm definitely sexual and romantic. You're just feeling xyz right now." Other days I'm like, "No I'm actually asexual and aromantic. You currently feel disgusted by the idea of romance and sex." Then on other days I alternate between feeling like I'm aroace and feeling like I'm grey. Sometimes I just don't care anymore.

 

I've seen many people writing on here who identify as asexual and are also very romantic, but I just don't relate to that at all. I feel like I'm "meh" sometimes when it comes to both romance and sex. 

 

I don't have any sexual experience and barely have any romantic experience, so many of the reasons I choose to identify as grey is because I'm not 100% sure what I am (lol). I am basing how I identify myself on experience, but I also know that many people have a clear idea of who they are even without the experience. It's difficult for me to accurately describe my attractions without the experience. Sometimes I feel like I choose to be grey because it's a "safer" choice, if that makes any sense.  

 

Can anyone relate or am I just crazy?  How did you guys come to the realization that you fall within the grey area of romance and sexuality?

 

 

[Zeddie]

I feel like what you are saying explains me as well.

Sometimes I feel really asexual and maybe aromantic as well as I dont like cheesy romance. Other times I'm like not all romance is cheesy but I very rarely have crushes but as I have done I cant be completely aro. Also for the same I'm asexual but I feel if I was married to a long term partner I would be willing to have sex with them but as I've never been in any relationship I havent experience that.

It is too confusing plus I havent known about asexuality for that long (only a few months) so still trying to work it out which doesnt help when I change my mind the entire time

Edited April 3, 2020 by Zeddie

[Blizzard Avis]

I feel so called out right now😥

 

Haha in any case, I think I am grey in both areas too. Most of the times I feel really meh about both romance and sex. I could live without both of those tbh, if it only weren't for the social pressure of getting into a relationship and having sex.

Then at certain moments, I feel like I may be interested in one of the the two, and think I could like them if I tried - after all, fiction really  romanticises these things and being able to experience something so universally liked would be cool - but it feels like so much work to even get to the point where I could experience romance or sex, and I am afraid that if I do get into a relationship, I would end up not romantically loving the person, or won't be interested in sex as much, and simply I'd end up just leading the person on. I think this fear additionally deters me away from it, on top of almost never feeling anything for anyone and therefore not having that push to actually try things.

[Guest]

I've learned to not care so much about labeling even though I'm techically grey. I just say I'm a celibate or meh nowadays. 

[Guest]

On 4/3/2020 at 6:18 PM, SnowyAvis said:

I feel so called out right now😥

 

Haha in any case, I think I am grey in both areas too. Most of the times I feel really meh about both romance and sex. I could live without both of those tbh, if it only weren't for the social pressure of getting into a relationship and having sex.

Then at certain moments, I feel like I may be interested in one of the the two, and think I could like them if I tried - after all, fiction really  romanticises these things and being able to experience something so universally liked would be cool - but it feels like so much work to even get to the point where I could experience romance or sex, and I am afraid that if I do get into a relationship, I would end up not romantically loving the person, or won't be interested in sex as much, and simply I'd end up just leading the person on. I think this fear additionally deters me away from it, on top of almost never feeling anything for anyone and therefore not having that push to actually try things.

Hahah I'm calling myself out too 😬

 

I know what you mean. I think part of what pushes me to avoid relationships and sex is that I don't feel things strongly right away, and that's reason enough for me to not begin some kind of relationship. But I also don't allow any possible feelings I might have (if at all) to grow with the person because I give up so early on. I also have that fear about losing interest in the person sexually and romantically when I think about being in a relationship with them. You (i'm talking about myself) stop yourself before anything can happen that could give you better insight as to who you are.

[rainbowocollie]

Present! I think I might be both lithsexual and demisexual.....because I've always been kinda interested in sex, just.....not necessarily wanting to engage in it personally? But I think if I were in love with someone (which is unlikely to happen), I might want to have sex with them. Idk. It's hard to say. Maybe I'm just technically allo, but effectively demisexual, since for me, romance and sex go hand in hand, and I'm demi/grey romantic, so first I'd have to develop the feelings in order to feel the actual desire. Idk. Haha.

 

I have recently kinda been wishing I had the opportunity to give sex a try without violating my morals, but I'm mostly just curious, like, what it's like and whether I actually innately desire it or not.

Anyways, I'm much more certain about my romantic identity. I have little to no interest in romance outside of enjoying it as a third party viewer in fiction.

[Isa.gr]

Hello,

I'm a 30 year-old brazilian woman who have suffered all my life thinking I was sick or I was an outcast.
I've recently found out about asexuality and I'm trying to understand whether or not I fit in it. Can anyone help me?

I have always tried and forced myself to like sex, since I was 16. But the thing is... I never really liked it.
I have had many long term boyfriends (I'm on my fifth now), they usually last 2-3 years. But after that time, I usually break up because I can't stand the pressure to have sex frequently. I feel romantic atracted, I have a libido and I also feel sexually atracted by people, but very rarely.

When I'm single I feel lonely. I've spent 2 years single, and at the end of that time I was lonely and in need of a partner. In those years I hooked up with many different guys because I felt arousal and atraction, but even then I never enjoyed the act of having sex and continued to feel lonely. I thought I was sick or had a problem, or that I was lacking something. Because of family issues I was diagnosed with depression and started taking meds. I put the blame of my lack (rare) of libido on the meds and on the contraceptive pill I had always taken.

Recently I have stopped with the antidepression meds and stopped taken the contraceptive pill, and... nothing changed. My boyfriend makes a lot of pressure on me to have sex more frequently and to show more attraction and desire for him. I really like him and I like to be with him and spend time together. But if I have sex like once every 6 months, it's enough for me. I have been through this "boyfriend cycle" again and again and I'm tired of believing I am the problem. But I'm really scared too. I've tried therapy, natural plants, medications, porn, masturbation, different partners without romantic connections, long term partners with deep romantic connections... but nothing changes.

I've never told this to anyone. I'm not even sure if I can explain myself very well.

Can anyone here relate to what I'm living? 

[Blizzard Avis]

16 hours ago, Isa.gr said:

Hello,

I'm a 30 year-old brazilian woman who have suffered all my life thinking I was sick or I was an outcast.
I've recently found out about asexuality and I'm trying to understand whether or not I fit in it. Can anyone help me?

I have always tried and forced myself to like sex, since I was 16. But the thing is... I never really liked it.
I have had many long term boyfriends (I'm on my fifth now), they usually last 2-3 years. But after that time, I usually break up because I can't stand the pressure to have sex frequently. I feel romantic atracted, I have a libido and I also feel sexually atracted by people, but very rarely.

When I'm single I feel lonely. I've spent 2 years single, and at the end of that time I was lonely and in need of a partner. In those years I hooked up with many different guys because I felt arousal and atraction, but even then I never enjoyed the act of having sex and continued to feel lonely. I thought I was sick or had a problem, or that I was lacking something. Because of family issues I was diagnosed with depression and started taking meds. I put the blame of my lack (rare) of libido on the meds and on the contraceptive pill I had always taken.

Recently I have stopped with the antidepression meds and stopped taken the contraceptive pill, and... nothing changed. My boyfriend makes a lot of pressure on me to have sex more frequently and to show more attraction and desire for him. I really like him and I like to be with him and spend time together. But if I have sex like once every 6 months, it's enough for me. I have been through this "boyfriend cycle" again and again and I'm tired of believing I am the problem. But I'm really scared too. I've tried therapy, natural plants, medications, porn, masturbation, different partners without romantic connections, long term partners with deep romantic connections... but nothing changes.

I've never told this to anyone. I'm not even sure if I can explain myself very well.

Can anyone here relate to what I'm living? 

Hey there! You could be asexual or greysexual and I think there are quite a few people around here who can relate to your situation.

However,I suggest you open a separate thread for your question, that way more people would be able to notice it and give you advice. Good luck 😊

[Guest]

On 4/4/2020 at 11:05 PM, questdrivencollie said:

Present! I think I might be both lithsexual and demisexual.....because I've always been kinda interested in sex, just.....not necessarily wanting to engage in it personally? But I think if I were in love with someone (which is unlikely to happen), I might want to have sex with them. Idk. It's hard to say. Maybe I'm just technically allo, but effectively demisexual, since for me, romance and sex go hand in hand, and I'm demi/grey romantic, so first I'd have to develop the feelings in order to feel the actual desire. Idk. Haha.

 

I have recently kinda been wishing I had the opportunity to give sex a try without violating my morals, but I'm mostly just curious, like, what it's like and whether I actually innately desire it or not.

Anyways, I'm much more certain about my romantic identity. I have little to no interest in romance outside of enjoying it as a third party viewer in fiction.

I'm similar in that I enjoy some romance in fiction, but outside of that I usually have no interest haha.

 

I think one of the biggest struggles of being both grey-demiromantic and grey-demisexual (and being in a situation with little to no experience) is that my romantic and sexual feelings for a person show up much later than I would like (if at all I must add). Because so much time has past, the person has either disappeared from my life or started a relationship with someone else, after I began to realize that I like them.

 

Just to give an example, I started to develop a crush on a boy after a year or so of knowing him, but he started dating another girl before I even recognized my feelings for him. I also had no opportunity to explore any possible sexual attraction towards him (which is usually nonexistent for boys), but I was open to the idea in my head about it when it came to this one specific person. 

 

Although it can be frustrating, sometimes I think that being in the grey area in a romantic and sexual sense is a blessing in disguise. If I can hardly feel sexual attraction for anyone, I might as well hardly feel any romantic attraction. That way, I don't have to stress about not feeling one thing enough vs. the other. I feel terrible for saying that lol. 

 

 

 

 

[Isa.gr]

8 hours ago, SnowyAvis said:

Hey there! You could be asexual or greysexual and I think there are quite a few people around here who can relate to your situation.

However,I suggest you open a separate thread for your question, that way more people would be able to notice it and give you advice. Good luck 😊

Thanks!

[Hypnotic]

On 4/4/2020 at 12:02 AM, Guest said:

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you are all staying safe and healthy! 😄

 

Wasn't sure if I should have posted this in the "Romantic and Aromantic Orienation" page... but anyone out there in the grey area both romantically and sexually? It could be anything from being grey, lith, demi, etc. I'm using "grey" because it's more of an umbrella term and I want to be inclusive of all identities.

 

My experience: I don't develop romantic and sexual feelings very often and it can be rare for me to experience both feelings toward one person. Oftentimes I go back and forth between identifying as aroace and identifying as allosexual/romantic. I don't feel completely sexual/romantic but I don't feel completely aroace either. However, on some days I think "Oh yeah I'm definitely sexual and romantic. You're just feeling xyz right now." Other days I'm like, "No I'm actually asexual and aromantic. You currently feel disgusted by the idea of romance and sex." Then on other days I alternate between feeling like I'm aroace and feeling like I'm grey. Sometimes I just don't care anymore.

 

I've seen many people writing on here who identify as asexual and are also very romantic, but I just don't relate to that at all. I feel like I'm "meh" sometimes when it comes to both romance and sex. 

 

I don't have any sexual experience and barely have any romantic experience, so many of the reasons I choose to identify as grey is because I'm not 100% sure what I am (lol). I am basing how I identify myself on experience, but I also know that many people have a clear idea of who they are even without the experience. It's difficult for me to accurately describe my attractions without the experience. Sometimes I feel like I choose to be grey because it's a "safer" choice, if that makes any sense.  

 

Can anyone relate or am I just crazy?  How did you guys come to the realization that you fall within the grey area of romance and sexuality?

 

 

 

On 4/4/2020 at 12:02 AM, Guest said:

Happy Friday everyone! Hope you are all staying safe and healthy! 😄

 

Wasn't sure if I should have posted this in the "Romantic and Aromantic Orienation" page... but anyone out there in the grey area both romantically and sexually? It could be anything from being grey, lith, demi, etc. I'm using "grey" because it's more of an umbrella term and I want to be inclusive of all identities.

 

My experience: I don't develop romantic and sexual feelings very often and it can be rare for me to experience both feelings toward one person. Oftentimes I go back and forth between identifying as aroace and identifying as allosexual/romantic. I don't feel completely sexual/romantic but I don't feel completely aroace either. However, on some days I think "Oh yeah I'm definitely sexual and romantic. You're just feeling xyz right now." Other days I'm like, "No I'm actually asexual and aromantic. You currently feel disgusted by the idea of romance and sex." Then on other days I alternate between feeling like I'm aroace and feeling like I'm grey. Sometimes I just don't care anymore.

 

I've seen many people writing on here who identify as asexual and are also very romantic, but I just don't relate to that at all. I feel like I'm "meh" sometimes when it comes to both romance and sex. 

 

I don't have any sexual experience and barely have any romantic experience, so many of the reasons I choose to identify as grey is because I'm not 100% sure what I am (lol). I am basing how I identify myself on experience, but I also know that many people have a clear idea of who they are even without the experience. It's difficult for me to accurately describe my attractions without the experience. Sometimes I feel like I choose to be grey because it's a "safer" choice, if that makes any sense.  

 

Can anyone relate or am I just crazy?  How did you guys come to the realization that you fall within the grey area of romance and sexuality?

 

 

Oh hiya!! Yes yes yes I can relate. 
im definitely greysexual and grey romantic. For a long time I thought I was romantic because I have been in one serious long term relationship where I was very romantic and had all the big romantic feels but since then (8 years to be precise) I have only experienced romantic feelings a few times for another person. I guess in my position I really seek romanticism but cannot seem to find the right person for me and often I also end things very quickly with people if I feel nothing. I can be very all or nothing with romantic feelings, either head over heels or absolutely nothing and if you try and hug me I will push you away with a barge pole.  One girl I dated told me I physically recoiled when someone asked if we were an item…. 

I cannot work it out. Sometimes I even recoil when friends or family try to hug me. It’s weird. I also love physical contact with the right person.
also I can only have sex with someone if I have romantic feelings, anyone else experience this? Without romantic feelings it is just a miserable exercise for me. 

[Emg]

Personally I feel like I am both greysexual and greyromantic as I don't feel strongly in either area. So your not alone there. I took so many tests to try and figure out where I'm at on the aroace spectrum and I can say I'm definitely grey ace and grey aro. Its weird I enjoy romance and sexual content in books, sometimes movies, manga, and such but when it comes to actually feeling sexual or romantic inclination in real life I feel very distant. I also tend to balk or even be hostile or scared when approached either way even though at times the other person did nothing wrong and I feel really guilty. Truthfully I figured something was just wrong with me or I was a cold person, we did not have terms like asexual, aromantic, etc when I was a teenager and having come across them on accident made me question myself. Its nice to have a name that isn't something like "sexual dysfunction" and finding out that there are other people who feel similar to how I feel. By the way does anyone know if I would be called grey aroace or grey rose? I have seen both and I'm not sure what the proper term would be.

 

Thank you for letting me share

 

[lovelysam_]

I'm still very confused about what spectrum I am at within asexuality and aromantic. I do desire some sexual attraction in a relationship but we have to create a long bond (Over maybe 7 months) but I don't fantasize over it. Also if the partner does only talk about wanting to do sexual things with me I would feel uncomfortable. In a relationship, sex isn't my main priority but if me and my partner would want to do it then I would. Honestly, sex I do find gross and it looks like it hurts. With romantic relationships I do have lots of expectations, for example I do not like kissing, hugging, holding hands, etc, I just find them cringe. I do desire romantic attraction sometimes but in a relationship I'd rather just look like best friends but actually dating. Going slow, trust, communication, boundaries and having fun is my main priority in a relationship. I would rather having fun (Sneaking out, hanging out, etc.) then having sex but of course sometimes I would desire some romantic attraction from time to time but I don't know how I would find a partner who would be like this lol. Right now I'd say I'm Pansexual, Greysexual and Greyromantic but I'm still figuring it out as I am still young. 

[SlytherinAce_333]

I think I might be, but honestly feel closer to the completely asexual and aromantic end of the spectrum rather than being allo. I have had very few short-lived (romantic?) crushes, which is the only reason I thought I might be greyromantic, but I never wanted to do anything about them. I might actually be totally asexual, it's a bit confusing. I've never had any interest in pursuing sex or romantic relationships, so... I'm either aroace or grey-aroace. :D

[aneczyk]

If I really wanted to get specific about my aspecness and use a bunch of terms I'd say I'm aceflux between lith and demi, and cupioflux-quoiromantic.

 

But I don't, so I just say gray-aro, gray-A, aspec, or gray-spec. I find it's a lot more important to me to communicate my arospec identity than ace, because if I don't want to have sex I can just be like hey I don't want to have sex. But if I'm dating someone and they catch feelings and I don't or I'm unsure, that situation can turn out badly for everyone involved if I'm not honest from the start. So I just don't use modifier labels for my sexual attraction, because I think all of that is just too much. A lot of the time unless people specifically ask or unless I'm dating them I won't even say I'm gray aro, since I don't feel like there's a point most of the time.

[Enubilous]

On 4/7/2020 at 11:43 AM, Guest said:

I think one of the biggest struggles of being both grey-demiromantic and grey-demisexual (and being in a situation with little to no experience) is that my romantic and sexual feelings for a person show up much later than I would like (if at all I must add). Because so much time has past, the person has either disappeared from my life or started a relationship with someone else, after I began to realize that I like them.

Thanks for sharing that paragraph.

I have a slightly different experience, where I can feel aesthetic attraction and inconsistently something more to people only after losing touch with them. For me though, my experience is similar to a celebrity crush as any feelings I have would disappear for me if I reconnected in real life.