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Freaking out a bit/ Wanting to come out to everyone


Yuliyasa

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Hi all! I hope everyone's doing well through this somewhat globally dark time. Before I go into my necessary rant, I just want to say that I hope soon enough the world will heal and that we all can go back to our normal life. Personally, I feel like I have so many things to be grateful for right now considering the current circumstances, but some days are just so much harder than others for so many different reasons that I just don't feel like really talking about right this minute. However, I will say this I wish everyone especially during times like this would be nice. But it seems like some people just never learn about how much words can truly hurt and how much destruction words can do.

   Well, through all this I tried to stay positive, but it is in the last few days I had been feeling like I am really freaking out - feeling like I am still in denial about the situation and how it had particularly effected me on a personal level. I am a musician and now I can't do what I am meant to do - play my music live for people for crowds who are so appreciative and the fact that I miss these crowds more than I had ever missed anything or anyone in my entire 3 decades of life on this planet. Anyways, now to the main point of my rant, its been harder and harder sometimes to work on current goals when feeling so down about everything and lately I had been wishing I could just come out to all of my friends and family as an Asexy person, but yet still afraid of judgement and put downs I might receive if I do that and of all the opposition that might come against me if I say that if I ever go back to dating I am telling the guy on the very 2nd or 3rd date that there will be no sex if he decides to continue dating me that I am not just a trophy or some challenge that he is going to try to win and that I am a human who just really doesn't and never will like sex/ never have - here is the thing, when you say this to anyone they don't believe you, they assume that it must be because you haven't had good sex and especially if they don't know you at all or anything about your past history, but I am one of those partially grey Asexuals who actually can say I had experienced at least one great time  or a couple times in my life where I can say, it was great sex, my wedding honeymoon for example; yet, I just don't consider that it'd be a loss if I had never experienced that and most normal people would just assume that somehow its this great thing, but normal people never want to just admit how overrated sex is. Anyways, just feeling sad cause I imagine most people I know are sexual people and as good as it might seem to be able to come out to them with the truth, I can't because I know they just wouldn't get it in fact,  I already pictured all the different reactions I would get none of which would be at all positive. Yet at the same time, I feel like if we are really facing such horrible times in our history, just how nice it would be to completely feel like you are being yourself at all times. Anyhow, I think I feel better after typing all this out.

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Rhyn Corinn

I'm sorry you're having to go through all of this, especially now. I'm sure that can't be easy. 

 

I have had the same (or at least similar) worries about coming out, and like you, at this point I would really like to come out to everyone. I feel like, I just figured out who I am but I can't tell anyone?! Though I've come out to most of my family members, I haven't really come out to anyone else, and now I just desperately want to tell everyone. But like you said, not everyone will understand and sometimes it seems like coming out would cause more stress than it would relieve. It is incredibly frustrating, knowing and understanding yourself so well, but yet not being able to tell anyone else. 

 

Anyway, I wish you luck, and if you do decide to come out to anyone, I sincerely hope it goes well. 

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Kind of a small thing, but maybe you could try playing some music on twitch or youtube or something?  o 3o It's not the same as a legit gig, but maybe it could be a decent substitute?

 

As for coming out... you can be true to yourself even if you don't explicitly say you're ace, if you're worried about the reaction. I haven't told my parents because it's not really necessary - they don't bug me about finding anyone, and it's even joked about that my sisters and I don't have anyone over [not in a mean way]. So, for all intents and purposes, they know without knowing there's a word for it. And they don't need a word for it. If the topic comes up somehow, I might mention it, but until that happens, I don't need to tell  them because as far as I can tell, they already get the idea.

Now, if your parents or friends DO bug you about it, then I can understand wanting to tell them. But, if it's really important to you to tell others, to feel truly like yourself, I say go for it. You'll know your true friends and the members of family worth caring about that way. Then again, this is coming from someone who was basically identifying as ace since high school without knowing the word for it and was always known for being rather odd, so maybe my stubborn refusal to care about what others would think about me is tinting my perspective.

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Thanks for the kind and nice replies. I am so glad I logged in and just saw these. Because I just had one of the most frustrating Saturday nights in my life, but it has nothing to do with anything in regards to being Ace. After reading this though, I feel like my spirits had been lifted and not maybe I can finally get back to what I need to be doing instead of dwelling on the negative, so thank you all!

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