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AVENues April/May/June 2020 - Platonic relationships

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Posted (edited)

All my life has been related to deeply extremely deep platonic relationships that never were shared with the same intensity or depth and at some point broke my soul needing medical assistance for long time. Disappointment and depression for matters of life and values.


Even being a man that had plenty of emotional responsibilities that accomplished quite well...let's say that my heart could be related to the "Beauty and the Beast" tale....keeping as pure as possible the soul waiting for that someone before the last petal felt down....and the years passed away....Never been kissed before in my lips with the tenderness of a pure kiss ( even not by my family when kid ). My friends told me that i am too good for this world and not silly...just weird and odd.


Just recently....being more open about all this and offering altruistic feelings.....by chance and surprisingly on holidays among a group of friends met a guy that felt Platonically in love with me.....nothing sexual....we both talk openly about this....not sexual desire or body attraction, ( i won't mind that but honestly didn't felt any sexual attraction ) but a deep emotional and intellectual bond.....that both loved and shared....so i felt that suddenly something opened deep in my soul and could not control it.  Perhaps i could have met my soul mate friend brother or so. Told him and he told me he was also in love Platonically with me but.....due the intensity and so.....he was afraid and terrified so found suddenly a g/f and cut off all contact with me due the situation was "weird" and my emotional intensity "blocked" him......so due the no explanation no chat no communication at all for months.....the deep platonic love we had in me went even deeper and deeper due the lost of contact and felt a soul tore as never before due i trusted 100%....now he barely communicates and say that i am just one more friend and he is happy and engaged with that girl.


we are not teens and i know what i felt....was not sexual gay attraction ( i am not silly and know that ) to me and i feel that i lost my "son-brother-relative-dad-soul mate" feelings and now i feel broke and as unhappy as never before due i lost that happiness and joy of life due i always wanted to share that but never found anyone....and when i thought i found the one....the pure no sexual love and someone that loves me for what i am and that just that makes him happy and i felt the same from the other side.....to loose this was a torture and the hell but now i feel total numb for all and for everyone.


Talked to him now online due the physical distance about this and he apologizes for the pain and suffer he caused but he says he doesn't feel for me the same way i felt. Asked him if perhaps he was bi or gay or had any kind of crush on me and can't admit it and he told me he didn't felt sexual arouse with me just emotions....

So his platonic love was not perhaps so deep or based in solid funds.....but mine was and now i feel destroyed....all my inner world feel that is destroyed and don't know how to start from scratch as if i were 5yrs old. emotionally speaking.


No family here and yes plenty of "friends" that appreciate me a lot and love me their way but can not understand that inner intense depth and not-sexual love....and they do not hug or cuddle due that for them they only do with a partner and previous or after sex. And me....need that just like a kid with someone i can trust emotionally and.....there are not.


Any advice or so ? any book to read ? anything to could understand myself better ?

Ahhh this guy was not a sociopath.....i know how tricky some can be just for gaming others.


Edited by juanc

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To hug and cuddle without sex, although rare, is a dream relationship to some people. My friend, you have come to the right place. You have plenty of people who understand you on this forum. I am sure you will one day find your dream platonic friend. I also experience my close friends giving more attention to their sexual partners when they find one. We still maintain good friendships but they give priority to their sexual partners. I do not blame them, it is their life, but I also hope to find someone who is devoted platonic friend who will never leave me for a sexual partner. Just ideal but hard to find I guess.

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