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Poll: When is it a "long-term relationship"


Homer

When do you consider a relationship to be "long term"?  

40 members have voted

  1. 1. When do you consider a relationship to be "long term"?

    • < 1 month
      0
    • 1 - 3 months
      2
    • 3 - 6 months
      3
    • 6 months - 1 year
      7
    • 1 to 3 years
      22
    • 3 to 5 years
      5
    • 5 to 10 years
      1
    • 10+ years
      0


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I don't relationship. My only experience is one failed attempt from nearly 20 years ago that lasted... maybe six months? I don't even recall. However, I have no idea what time frame people usually talk about when they are in a "long-term" relationship.

 

Sooooo.... what's your take?

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Alejandrogynous

I'd say about 3 years and up I'd consider long-term. Maybe two, but I think it also depends on the type of relationship and attitude of the people involved, since people usually say "long-term" to imply some level of commitment. 

 

For instance, my sister once dated someone for about two years but it never felt that serious between them, they were young and having fun but throughout their entire relationship, he still felt to me like "the guy my sister is dating" more than "my sister's boyfriend," if that makes sense. Meanwhile, the boyfriend she has now (of about three years now, I think?), they seemed pretty serious from the start and I considered them together since maybe the first year mark. So I'd call them a long-term relationship, when if the previous relationship had gone on for longer, I still probably wouldn't have.

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Only relationships I've been in are friendships, but I would consider 1 year minimum to count as a long-term relationship.

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Lord Jade Cross

Can't call upon any relationships experience since all I've had are friendships and I don't really understand the relationship culture.

 

From what Ive always tended to hear  others say, relationships are "moving too fast" if the couple has been going out for six months and are  already planning to get married, but "stagnant" if a 1 to one and a half year mark has passed and they aren't already planning the wedding to the point where ultimatums are already flying about. 

 

Makes the whole thing seem like people are going to have a gun pointed at your head if you don't say "I do" soon enough 😱

 

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I would say anything over a year, would qualify.

 

To me, anything much earlier than that, and you're just dating and still dealing with lust.

 

To take it beyond that. To me, you're an item, if past the 3 year mark you're still feeling the same about them. Most long term relationships start weakening at that point, so if you're still going strong past it, you will be together very long.

 

I've only reached that landmark once (was with that person over 5 years). All my other relationships were at the 6 months or less mark (a few of them started as friendships however, so could technically be seen as longer in those instances), which to me all with no exceptions felt like something was missing early on.

 

I would be surprised if I didn't reach that milestone with my current significant other, considering I proposed to her o_o

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Once you both feel committed to it.

 

I realize that's a non-answer, but you really can't put a timeframe on such a thing.

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To me its like a soft drink. Anything before the year/year and a half point, you're pouring out nothing but foam.

 

You only truly get to see your partner without the the foam, naked to their soul, past that above time frame.

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3 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

Once you both feel committed to it.

 

I realize that's a non-answer, but you really can't put a timeframe on such a thing.

Experts put it as a year and a half time frame. Essentially, once you fall in love, which tends to be the sweet spot time frame where most will do so.

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Lord Jade Cross
7 minutes ago, Perspektiv said:

To me its like a soft drink. Anything before the year/year and a half point, you're pouring out nothing but foam.

 

You only truly get to see your partner without the the foam, naked to their soul, past that above time frame.

Don't know about this. Seen one too many cases of people carrying a lie well past a year. I guess if you're paying attention, you will notice the inconsistent pattern somewhat quickly, but still.

 

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5 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

Don't know about this. Seen one too many cases of people carrying a lie well past a year.

People can carry a lie for years--for entire relationships. This is where your experience is valuable, to see past it.

 

Thieves will exist. You get robbed once, and don't adjust and put locks on your doors (from a habit of leaving them unlocked) or arm and lock your car, is it the thief's part, or yours for continuing the pattern?

 

Past a certain point, its hard to put up a facade, as your character shows through no matter how hard you try to lie about it.

 

In the lustful months, your mind is clouded, but once your love settles down, you see clearly. Which is why so many relationships start to fail after 3 years. At that mark, you're not going to hide anything from your partner.

 

I guess I'm lucky. I'm told I'm a scary good judge of character.

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My longest was maybe two months.

 

From what I’ve heard the first two-three months is like the honeymoon period and past that is when you start getting into the nitty gritty of each other. Around six months is about the time when the consideration of moving in together comes into play and if you do that’s when I would say it’s a long term relationship.

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Experts put it as a year and a half time frame.

I don't much buy what "experts" say, because relationship experiences are very subjective and prone to variance.

 

My long-term relationship, for instance (which has gone on for about 5.5 years + marriage now) felt that way well before one year.

 

The "lust" aspect also doesn't apply to everyone, which is something you ought to know considering this is an asexuality website.

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Lord Jade Cross
28 minutes ago, Perspektiv said:

People can carry a lie for years--for entire relationships. This is where your experience is valuable, to see past it.

 

Thieves will exist. You get robbed once, and don't adjust and put locks on your doors (from a habit of leaving them unlocked) or arm and lock your car, is it the thief's part, or yours for continuing the pattern?

 

Past a certain point, its hard to put up a facade, as your character shows through no matter how hard you try to lie about it.

 

In the lustful months, your mind is clouded, but once your love settles down, you see clearly. Which is why so many relationships start to fail after 3 years. At that mark, you're not going to hide anything from your partner.

 

I guess I'm lucky. I'm told I'm a scary good judge of character.

In my case, the thief would have nothing to steal because they would enter into a barren house where only the walls will be what's there to see, which might unnerve them just as people commonly get unnerved  around me whenever the subject comes up. 

 

But even with no experience, where the heart fails, the mind succeeds and I've learned to notice inconsistencies from a mile away. You may pull a fast one on me if I'm careless, but I will catch you in the act before long.

 

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hypnopompic
30 minutes ago, N8LV3y said:

My longest was maybe two months.

 

From what I’ve heard the first two-three months is like the honeymoon period and past that is when you start getting into the nitty gritty of each other. Around six months is about the time when the consideration of moving in together comes into play and if you do that’s when I would say it’s a long term relationship.

I don't really understand this so-called "honeymoon period", to be honest. I had my first relationship when I was 15 years old and it lasted around 10 months. At that time, I definitely had a phase where my partner seemed perfect and could do absolutely no wrong. However, I think this was due to the fact that first, I didn't have any experience with relationships and thus didn't know what I wanted my relationship to be like and second, I didn't know my worth back then. As long as someone was interested in me and  expressed their affection towards me, I felt appreciated and loved. Didn't matter if he was a little bit too jealous sometimes, too possessive, too aggressive towards friends of mine because after all, he did because he looooved me, right? Teenage brains are really a mystery.

 

But once you're an adult, you know yourself pretty well and you know from friends and family what a healthy, appreciative relationship with an equal power balance should look like, so how the hell can you possibly be blinded the first few months? As soon as someone steps out of line, shouldn't there be an alarm going off in your adult brain? Or are people so high on endorphines that they literally don't care how their partner treats them? Uuugh, couples engaging this naive lovey-dovey nonsense make me so uncomfortable!

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I don't really understand this so-called "honeymoon period", to be honest.

I don't get it either.  The NRE/limerence thing is a mystery to me.  If anything my partner and I have only grown closer and closer as time went on.

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2 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Once you both feel committed to it.

 

I realize that's a non-answer, but you really can't put a timeframe on such a thing.

I know someone who got engaged after three days. No, that's not a typo. To me that's definitely a "don't try this at home" thing :D also, the moment I entered my relationship I was committed to it. So that's what, 0.01 seconds? :huh: not really long in my book.

 

Romance is so weird to me.

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Janus the Fox

I'd say... 2 years is long enough for a relationship to be considered long term, going off on my own relationship time of 3 years.  2 years was as long as I felt needed to get to know a person well enough to develop the lasting bond.

 

I do realize Demi- relationships may need longer, much longer.  I probably need much longer to develop any -Sexual/-Romantic feelings.

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1 hour ago, Janus DarkFox said:

I do realize Demi- relationships may need longer, much longer.  I probably need much longer to develop any -Sexual/-Romantic feelings.

That is something I don't get at all. Do people really enter romantic relationships without actually having romantic feelings, hoping (betting!) that they develop something later on?

 

WTF?

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42 minutes ago, Homer said:

That is something I don't get at all. Do people really enter romantic relationships without actually having romantic feelings, hoping (betting!) that they develop something later on?

 

WTF?

I dont. I enter friendships then they develop into more.

 

I would say 6 months + is "long term" 

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Lord Jade Cross
1 hour ago, Homer said:

That is something I don't get at all. Do people really enter romantic relationships without actually having romantic feelings, hoping (betting!) that they develop something later on?

 

WTF?

I always puzzled on this whenever I saw people hunting, so to speak, for partners.

 

It just seemed so highly illogical for you to randomly go up to a stranger and say "I (think, because there's no way a random encounter offers any insight on to a person, unless you're a stalker) like you" and that somehow those words became a binding contract between the two that would lead to somehow emotions developing out of the blue.

 

Its even more puzzling when people stand in disbelief if you don't go along with that insane escapade. Or has that just happened to me?

 

 

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Anthracite_Impreza

To me, 6 months+ as a general.

 

I definitely felt the "honeymoon" period, then had a second one a few years later when romantic feelings were accepted (which I had to ask AVENites about cos I had no idea if that was "a thing").

 

2 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

It just seemed so highly illogical for you to randomly go up to a stranger and say "I (think, because there's no way a random encounter offers any insight on to a person, unless you're a stalker) like you" and that somehow those words became a binding contract between the two that would lead to somehow emotions developing out of the blue.

That isn't what it means. It means "I feel something for you and maybe something will work out from it". Clutch wasn't the first car I saw, but he grabbed my attention straight away (and bear in mind I was only looking for Saxos so it weren't owt to do with make/model). I imagine it's the same with humans.

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I don't relationship either, but I would consider anything over a month exclusive fairly serious. But I'm devoted to people a lot and take these kinds of things seriously.

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3 hours ago, Serran said:

I enter friendships then they develop into more.

I don't even know what that means. There's no such thing in my book. Something different, yes. More... :huh:?

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10 minutes ago, Homer said:

I don't even know what that means. There's no such thing in my book. Something different, yes. More... :huh:?

But it's not really different. All the friendship stuff stays and there is an added component of romantic feelings. Adding to something means it is more than base. Doesnt mean it's better than (friendship is valid as a top tier relationship if the person considers it as such, I personally have little need for friends as I dislike being around people mostly)

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Lord Jade Cross
1 hour ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

 

That isn't what it means. It means "I feel something for you and maybe something will work out from it". 

This still doesn't make sense to me. You wouldn't be going in knowing anything so at best, all you're doing is gambling on blind odds.

 

If it was something like a friend you develop feelings for, the dynamic changes because you know the person to some extent and the amount of propinquity is likely to aid in nurturing established emotions but to go from 0 to a gambled feelings doesn't sound like something that has much probability to succeed.

 

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Anthracite_Impreza
22 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

This still doesn't make sense to me.

Dude, romance doesn't make sense ;) I am in a romantic relationship with a Citroen, I wouldn't overthink it.

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DarkStormyKnight

As a rule of thumb I'd say a year. But each relationship is different and depends on if people are actually committed or just dating casually for a while. 

 

Speaking from my own experiences, I was in a 2.5 year relationship but we ended up doing long distance after 6 months so it didn't really feel "committed" until maybe a year and a half in. Just depends on the people and the situation and the relationship!

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