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I’ve never met anyone with the same sexuality as me


gingeroftheday

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gingeroftheday

Hello, I am a guy in his mid 20s and I suppose I could consider myself asexual for lack of a better term.

I experience your average amount of sexual attraction to females and have no lack of sexual drive, but like many of you, it does not involve sex. The idea of sex to me is as icky as it was when I was 12. I’ve never once fantasized about sex and I’m grossed out by everything about it. I feel the same way about kissing. Yuck. I am however turned on by the female body, but funny enough not in sexual positions like open legs. (Sorry if this gets graphic) 

Heres where I get unique. What gets me going is simply the idea of someone exposing themselves in a completely nonsexual environment, no exceptions. That’s it. For example, a woman washing herself off naked at a beach shower, or changing in front of friends. The other strange part is, I’m not involved in the fantasy. I’m not like, a voyeur watching her, I never am a part of the fantasy. If anything, I put myself in the role. 
I am very straight and all man, and have always been confused by the fact that in my fantasy, I’m never a part of it. This means there is no actual sexual expression for me. How do I get off in a real life scenario if any scenario involving myself in the scene turns me off? 😂

Im not necessarily looking for confirmation of whether this is normal, or okay, or how to approach in, etc.

What I am more interested in hearing is from a psychological point of view, does anyone have any theories on how my childhood development evolved into what my sexuality is today? I had a very normal childhood, no abuse, not super religious, and we never really had “the talk”. I can’t find any events in my childhood that would could this aversion. 
Thanks to anyone that replies! 

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Grey-Ace Ventura
1 hour ago, Iamaguy said:

How do I get off in a real life scenario if any scenario involving myself in the scene turns me off? 😂

Just ask an autochorissexual.

 

2 hours ago, Iamaguy said:

I experience your average amount of sexual attraction to females and have no lack of sexual drive, but like many of you, it does not involve sex. The idea of sex to me is as icky as it was when I was 12. I’ve never once fantasized about sex and I’m grossed out by everything about it.

Did you mean arousal? Arousal is being turned on, but sexual attraction is where your arousal is caused by a specific person which leads you to want to have sex with that specific person. Based on what you're describing, you've never wanted to have sex with someone, which would lead me to think you've never experienced sexual attraction.

 

Also the aversion doesn't necessarily have to come from abuse or anything. If that were the case, then aces who are as averse to sex as you are would all have to have been abused or something, which is definitely not the case.

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BlakeTheNightowl~

i have a problem to 

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gingeroftheday
46 minutes ago, Grey-Ace Ventura said:

Did you mean arousal? Arousal is being turned on, but sexual attraction is where your arousal is caused by a specific person which leads you to want to have sex with that specific person. 

Ok first of all, love the user name. Second, I guess it would be arousal accompanied by romantic attraction.

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gingeroftheday
47 minutes ago, Grey-Ace Ventura said:

Also the aversion doesn't necessarily have to come from abuse or anything. If that were the case, then aces who are as averse to sex as you are would all have to have been abused or something, which is definitely not the case.

I would argue that almost everything about a Persian derives from their childhood and events during brain development. Nature vs nurture argument, and I lean more towards my sexuality to be nurture. It does mean I was abused, it could be anything. I also could be wrong. 

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Grey-Ace Ventura
57 minutes ago, Iamaguy said:

I would argue that almost everything about a Persian derives from their childhood and events during brain development. Nature vs nurture argument, and I lean more towards my sexuality to be nurture. It does mean I was abused, it could be anything. I also could be wrong. 

In my case, I think one's sexuality is just something they're born with, similar to how some people are born left-handed, which is accounted for by differences in the brain. Although I'm aware that sexual people can be averse to sex as well, I tend to associate sex aversion mostly with aces and so, I tend to think of the aversion as an effect of being ace, at least for those who are sex-averse. For sexual people, I'm more inclined to think there's a deeper reason for being sex-averse though. Not trying to persuade you on anything here, these are just my opinions.

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Grey-Ace Ventura
1 hour ago, Iamaguy said:

Ok first of all, love the user name

And thanks 😄

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Phantasmal Fingers

You don't want to be involved, you say. So it may be something that happened to you in childhood which you have repressed deep into the unconscious and thus have no memory of. A lot of trauma happens at birth though, it may be something to do with that. I found the following very useful when I started recovering lost memories through meditation.

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/LSD-Numinous-Groundbreaking-Psychedelic-Unconscious-ebook/dp/B071KLP342/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=lsd+doorway+to+the+numinous&qid=1585773605&s=books&sr=1-1

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gingeroftheday
22 minutes ago, Moderne Jazzhanden said:

You don't want to be involved, you say. So it may be something that happened to you in childhood which you have repressed deep into the unconscious and thus have no memory of. A lot of trauma happens at birth though, it may be something to do with that. I found the following very useful when I started recovering lost memories through meditation.

 

https://www.amazon.co.uk/LSD-Numinous-Groundbreaking-Psychedelic-Unconscious-ebook/dp/B071KLP342/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=lsd+doorway+to+the+numinous&qid=1585773605&s=books&sr=1-1

Interesting, I’ll check it out! Thanks! 

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SorryNotSorry

Back when I was interested in finding a soulmate, none of the asexual women I met at meetups had the same asexual stance I had. They were either openly lesbian, or were celibate and waiting for a committed monogamous relationship to have sex.

 

I think it's safe to presume few asexual women would desire a male partner they could marry but who'll never consummate.

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