Vent about failed crushes

[Spicy_Mochi]

Vent about a crush/squish that broke your heart or that failed cause we all need to get it out.

 

Mkay, here’s my story. Last summer I was at a 3week long CTY summer camp in Baltimore. I met this dorky, really sweet guy during one of the activities and i developed a crush on him. We hit off really well and he actually remembered my name when he couldn’t remember the names of his own classmates. So I told my closest friends in the dorm about my crush and it accidentally spilled to the whole floor. So I asked everybody to keep it a secret while my friends helped me with my crush. Throughout the week, I kept chatting with him and flirted a bit.  

 

Each Saturday there’s a big dance/game night so I told my friends that I wanted to slow dance with my crush. They pushed us together and we slow danced to around 2 songs. Bc of that, other ppl knew that I like him. He didn’t realize of course 🙄 anyway, during the next week, I kept dropping hints which he didn’t pick up. I was starting to get a bit desperate since camp was going to end soon. 

 

Since he couldn’t tell that I liked him even with his friends teasing him about it, I decided to confess to him the next day. But then I heard from one of my friends that a dorm-mate told my crush that I liked him. That completely ruined my plans and I broke down crying. I couldn’t tell him myself that I liked him and it just became awkward. I avoided him until the last dance night. My friends helped me ask him to dance for the last time. 

 

So in the end, I never told him that I liked him and I forced myself to give up on him. 

[Lord Jade Cross]

Dunno if mine could be considered a "crush" given it didn't follow the standard MO of what people define as one but I'll leave it here to judge.

 

Way, way back in the day, I think maybe when I was 8ish or so, I was friends with a kid who was the son of the schools principal if I remember correctly. He had an older sister, I think she was a year older than me or something like that. I don't recall why but she caught my attention and I found myself hopelessly staring at her when I could (and now I feel like a total creep 😐) 

 

The most heart racing moment we had was when they invited us over to spend a day at a pool and during the night, while the parents chit chatted the girl and I were alone in the bed room each laying on a separate bed. Nothing happened while we were in there other than talking and I imagine young me must have had his heart trying to burst through his throat. 

 

I don't think she cared much or maybe she didn't notice it since I've always kept to myself so no confessions no moves, etc. And that was it. 

 

I think that's the only time in my life where I have felt those emotions.

 

 

 

 

 

[MrMagmaneos]

There was a girl that I thought looked and acted pretty cute, but I knew she was into girls, so I gave up pretty quick. Then she asked me to go bar hopping with her and we bonded more and I learned she had been with guys before. After that I started really crushing on her really hard and I tried to hang out with her more and more.

 

I could tell that everything we were doing was just platonic and not romantic, but I still had hope that she would come around to me. We ended up doing a lot as friends before anything significant happened though. I took so long to say anything partly because I'm shy and partly because we had to work together for extra-cirricular stuff for school, so I didn't want things to be awkward between us.

 

Eventually it became pretty clear to me that she was way more into girls than guys, and so I told her my feelings without the expectation of any relationship starting. As it turns out she had only ever been with guys as a rebound. She understood how I felt though since she still really liked someone else and was trying to get over them, so she offered to help me in any she could. Since then I've pretty succesfully changed my feelings from a crush to a squish and we've stayed really good friends.

 

So failed crush but successful squish I guess.

[badbunny ll bonnie]

[Redacted]

[everywhere and nowhere]

All my crushes were failed, since I have never been in a relationship and, as far as I know, in none of the cases were my feelings reciprocated. I also don't know of any single person who has been in love with me.

[no-longer-in-use]

Last summer, I was on backstage crew for a theater production. One of my best friends was performing in the show and he made some friends there, whom he introduced me to when he got a chance. There was this one friend of his whom I was drawn to almost as soon as I met him. He was extremely outgoing and charming, and was well-liked by everyone involved in the show. I developed a crush on him very quickly and it grew more intense over the course of the show.

 

After the show ended, I emailed him and we sent a few emails back and forth, but he was clearly not as invested in our conversations (if you could even call them that) as I was.

 

We went to the same school, and even though he was a year ahead of me, I realized quickly when school started up again that there were several spots in my schedule in which I could, and often did, run into him. We would have short interactions ranging anywhere from 2 to 30 seconds. These conversations, while not very satisfying, were enough to fuel my crush on him. I also started playing a sport that he played, which once led to us having a 45-minute conversation. Definitely worth it. I also got his number and texted him incessantly, although he showed about as much interest in his texts to me as he had in his emails. For months, these were our only interactions, other than the occasional lunch together, which were often with one or two of our other friends from the show.

 

I deliberated over whether to ask him out for months. I knew he was queer, so that wasn't an issue. My friend that had introduced me to him in the first place urged me to ask him out, telling me I had nothing to lose.

 

That winter, there was another show in which my crush and I were again both involved. This led to us spending much more time together in rehearsal, and I finally got up the courage to ask him out after rehearsals had gone on for only a few weeks.

 

I'd rather not go into detail about that conversation, but long story short, he didn't reciprocate my feelings and we stayed friends. I stayed hung up on him for several months, and to be honest, I'm still not fully over him, but I'm definitely less smitten than I was.

 

The whole experience was painful but valuable. It made me more comfortable with rejection and showed me that I can bounce back and move on from heartache. It also showed me the value of friendship, because I consider this person to be a good friend today, and I definitely care about him even though we didn't end up dating. Romance isn't inherently superior to other types of relationships. I know that might seem obvious, but it took me a while to realize.

[Spicy_Mochi]

@Coddiwomple There’s hardly anything worse than someone who doesn’t care how you feel. He should have at least communicated 😤 

I’m glad you have a positive outlook on it! *snuggles*

[Rhyn Corinn]

Well, I guess it's time to tell this fun story again.

 

A long, long time ago, in a galaxy not so far away, my church split up and my friends started going to different churches. So, after a while, my parents started taking us to a different church, where I was convinced I was not going to make any new friends! Well, that's not how it went. I made friends with one other kid, and became 'mortal enemies' with another. He was super annoying and bratty, and basically the bane of my existence. Well, at some point, his twin sister started standing up for me whenever he was being obnoxious. I don't know if she felt obligated to because he was her brother or what, but she continued to do it on multiple occasions and it did not go unnoticed. As someone who is autistic (though I didn't know at the time) and has always felt overwhelmed and misunderstood, having someone stand up for me was almost earth-shattering. 

 

Fast forward a while to when I finally realized I had a crush on her. I was about a month or so from turning 13 at the time. That summer and fall, I started getting flustered every time she was around, but I always wanted to see her and thought someday I would be brave enough to talk to her. I wasn't worried about telling her my feelings right away; I seemed to think I had an eternity to do that. That was a mistake.

 

We had a youth devo two days before Valentine's Day; I went and she was there too. We actually sat together to eat pizza and we talked some. Then, we went into another room to watch a movie, and I sat next to her on the floor because the seat on her other side was taken. Then, the youth minister started complaining about, "everyone with boyfriends/girlfriends, we're going to be watching and make sure you keep your hands to yourselves!" One girl replied that she didn't have a boyfriend. Then my crush said, "I do, but he's not here."

 

Ugh, it's been over four years and somehow, my chest still tightens up when I write about this. I remember feeling completely hopeless, like there was just no reason for anything anymore. Eventually, she noticed me crying, and at some point after all our activities were over, we ended up in this classroom where she and several of the other kids were trying to get me to tell them why I was upset. At one point, they all went outside the room to have a secret meeting (not really, I'm just being overly dramatic) and I swear I heard my crush say, "I want to cry with him." At least, if nothing else, I will always have that one moment when I felt like she actually cared. Anyway, she came back in the room and asked if I would tell her alone, which I said yes to. So, everyone else left and it was just the two of us in the room...and still I couldn't tell her. Eventually, I just wrote our initials with a heart between them, with orange marker, and gave it to her before quickly hiding my face in a pillow. Of course, my parents arrived almost immediately and said it was time to go home, so I'd have to wait until later to find out what she thought of it.

 

Two days later was Valentine's Day (it was on Sunday) and I went to talk to her after church. She said something like, "I thought it was nice, but I have a boyfriend." That was that, and from that point onward, I avoided and ignored her every time I saw her at church. That went on all through summer, until sometime in August when I found out from another classmate that she and her boyfriend had broken up and she was now single again. So, I had planned to talk to her after church was over, but my parents pulled us away early to go to a visitation, and then decided next week or so that it was the perfect time to go back to our old church! 

 

And so began the saga of visiting that church as often as I could convince one of my parents (usually my dad) to take me, and trying to find her and explain my feelings to her before she was gone forever... (Yes, I'm a very dramatic person.) That December, I managed to talk to her one time, but we barely had any time because church was over and everyone was leaving. They were seriously locking up the building while I was standing outside with her, desperate for more time. All I found out was that she had supposedly kept my love note (from the devo), and she kept it in her Bible. About a year later, my brother told me that meant she almost certainly liked me (as more than a friend), at least at that point in time. I still don't know, honestly.

 

Years have passed and nothing has changed. I kept going back to see her as often as I could, but she started showing up less and less on the days I'd come, and even when she did, her family always left weirdly early and I never had time to talk to her.

 

Now, I don't know how I feel about her anymore. I mean, I'm open to the idea of being with someone else now (which I was NOT open to for several years), but every time I think about her...ugh, I just feel like I'm letting go of a part of me; I've been thinking about her for so long now. And though I'm sure I could theoretically have another crush, it's still kind of hard to imagine because she's the only one so far. She will always be the first one, and that makes me sad to think about letting her go. Even though, there's probably next to no chance of us ever being together. While I don't know for 100% sure, I'm pretty sure she's heterosexual. I can never have sex, so if it's really important to her, then that relationship could never work out. And I didn't even get to know her that well because I was always afraid of her, so I don't even know if we were right for each other anyway. I don't know why I can't stop thinking about her, and I wish I did so I could just make it STOP. 

 

Well, that was long. Sorry if anyone spends the next decade trying to finish reading it. XD

[no-longer-in-use]

13 hours ago, Spicy_Mochi said:

@Coddiwomple There’s hardly anything worse than someone who doesn’t care how you feel. He should have at least communicated 😤 

I’m glad you have a positive outlook on it! *snuggles*

I'm not sure what you mean? He didn't reciprocate my romantic feelings. It's not that he didn't care how I felt.

[Spicy_Mochi]

6 hours ago, Coddiwomple said:

I'm not sure what you mean? He didn't reciprocate my romantic feelings. It's not that he didn't care how I felt.

I’m not saying he should have acted as if he like liked you if he didn’t, but it seems to me that he should have been more open in a way. To me it seems like he was very casual about you even as a friend. Maybe I’m weird, but I feel like he should have been a better friend

[Lord Jade Cross]

36 minutes ago, Spicy_Mochi said:

I’m not saying he should have acted as if he like liked you if he didn’t, but it seems to me that he should have been more open in a way. To me it seems like he was very casual about you even as a friend. Maybe I’m weird, but I feel like he should have been a better friend

Some people are a bit more receptive than others. Ive had situations where friends have confessed. I didn't feel the same way in return though I've tried my best to sort of let them down gently. It hasn't really worked well though

 

[no-longer-in-use]

17 hours ago, Spicy_Mochi said:

I’m not saying he should have acted as if he like liked you if he didn’t, but it seems to me that he should have been more open in a way. To me it seems like he was very casual about you even as a friend. Maybe I’m weird, but I feel like he should have been a better friend

Oh, I see what you're saying. Idk. 🤷‍♂️ I don't have much of a frame of reference for these things tbh

[Sundaiighs Saturn]

The last time I had a crush/squish was 9 years ago, I was in a horrible relationship in between the two squishes. The reason why I'm here with you all finally today is because for the past 8 months I have been researching and its because of this squish.... I know now that I identify on the spectrum.  We are in media school together and have know each other for 2 years didnt hang out and not for nothing I hated him because he flaked out on a group project, after getting over it he would always try and talk to me which I thought was weird and just would be weirded out by him talking to me. Over time he began asking me to do work/projects with him and in october of last year we started to spend more time (which makes me think I'm demi but again this is also the first time this has happened, so I I still have been saying gray). I started to feel for him, like I can't even describe. During this time I broke up with my long term non sexual partner of 6 years. Because it's just super toxic and abusive ( he felt like I didn't love him because I wasn't attracted to him, we argued when he found out I was attracted to this man :(.. we had not had sex since the first year we dated because of me). I'm not sure me and the new guy started to get close and I started to feel more and more physical things and desires for him which then began to stress me out ( my eczema is and has been flared since December due to this ) we have a mutual friend who I thank god for because without him I wouldn't have been able to make it with the stress of having this squish and being yelled at by my ex all the time. The mutual told me to just say something because if its stressing you like this just do it, I wrote a letter in text and sent it through messenger after we began social distance because either knew we weren't going to walk for graduation and that's when i was originally going to send it.... well he ends up not seeing the message and I assume he does so I stared to get super upset to where the mutual is like you need to send this again, he would have said something to me about it. So I did, I told him to check his messages. Now he has a gf that was also part of the stress once again i got a squish on someone that doesn't even have the option to reciprocate, but because at this point I feel strongly about him I just wanted him to know. I write the letter with respect of his relationship NOT ASKING ANYTHING, just an informative like as a matter of fact you have done all these things for me and it was awesome thank you I know we probably won't see each other ever again.... well I got a reply basically turning me down I honestly don't know why he sent it like that as again I wasn't  asking for him to leave his girl or anything just to let some awkward feeling pass and not feel weird. So now I dont ever want to see talk to him again because I feel like he thinks I was trying to disrespect him and it makes me sad that I even said anything at all I'll post what he said. I know know more than ever that I identify on this spectrum, I know it will be a very long time before I " pop" for someone but I am thankful to him, because of this I'll never force myself into a relationship that makes me feel bad about it ever again.

[Hylethilei]

I had a crush on this guy for a long time that I met, he changed my life forever and made me realize things about myself I didn't know possible. I found out what being an asexual was understood more about my gender and what I want from a relationship with someone. We hit if off instantly and became friends very quickly, like basically instantly. We would hang out and go do things every once in a while, he even told me he wanted to go to NYC and go see the xmas lights at night time and I cried tears of joy because i have always wanted to do that with someone and i was not the one to ask, he was but we ended up not going at all :(. I noticed that things just kinda took a strange turn somewhere and we just slowly drifted apart from each other, we used to make each other laugh tell each other things to make ourselves feel better about each other but now everytime I see him he can't even look me straight in the eye. I told him I wish that things would go back to the way the where with us... I never got the chance to tell him that he changed my life for the better and I am now the person I have been desperately trying to discover for myself for 20+ years. I don't understand how we went from having a romantic night in nyc together ( i would have kissed him so much ) from him hating my guts to the point he can't even look me in the eyes, he lost all respect for me and all I am is myself, It might be fault but I can't change and I WON"T change for anyone else. Who wouldn't wanna be with a total and complete sweetheart??? I am still not over this crush as I think about them constantly. I thought I should give him a text because we have not seen each other at work and I told him I may quit working with him, and he basically said "okay, is that all you wanted to say?" So I took that as "good get the &$^# outta here"

 

It's hard for me to stay positive now because I look forward to seeing him but now im never going to see him again and its such a sad thing... 

 

At the end of the day I just wanted to be your friend but I can only take so many hints. I can only extend my arms so wide only for someone to push away so hard with such force it shatters my heart and soul. I kinda have hated my life since this didn't work out because i told myself if this doesn't work out I have no clue what I am going to do with myself...