If sex is so instinctive....

[Guest]

why does pornography exist? If we humans are animal mammals, why do we need something artificial to show us how it is done?

My theory is that we are all living in a certain man's imagination, our creator.

[Homer]

If eating is so instinctive, why do cooking shows exist?

 

People by and large don't watch porn to "learn how it's done". Most of them already know how it's done. You're starting your thought process with incorrect premises, which necessarily leads you to wrong conclusions.

[HonoraryJedi]

Everyone who know anything about sex all seem to agree that porn should never be used as instructions, to 'learn how it is done'. It is completely about what looks good on camera and not about what feels good in real life. The people participating are actors, they're acting. And I keep hearing about how bad things turn out if you try to do what they do in porn, without understanding that there is a lot of preparation going on between cuts. No one in their right mind has ever claimed that porn is educational. That's not why it's there. It's better classified as pure entertainment.

[Guest]

55 minutes ago, sallimae76 said:

why does pornography exist? If we humans are animal mammals, why do we need something artificial to show us how it is done?

My theory is that we are all living in a certain man's imagination, our creator.

Lol porn isn't used for education (and it's strongly advised to never copy porn), it's used for people to get off. 

 

Sometimes single people get off to it, but heck I even know of couples who use it together to get them both in the mood (my mum even accidentally overheard my sister-in-law discussing that with my brother once Y_Y), etc etc. 

 

Porn should NEVER be instructional, but it is often used to turn some people on and/or to help them get off. That's all.

 

Ps: it still takes people a while to get sex right, even people who know a lot about it.  It's more that the desire for sex is instinctual for many people (but may only develop under certain circumstances).. Knowing how to do it and how to enjoy it is a different ball-game from having the desire for it.

[Blizzard Avis]

What everyone else before me said. But also, you should keep in mind that the majority of other mammals either actively spend time in a group, grow up with a group, or come together in a group during mating season. Unlike with humans where sex is hidden from children, animals don't really care, and their younglings do get a chance to "see" how it's done.

[doggalogga]

Pornography exists because it often depicts fantasies or ideal situations that people find exciting - beyond what may be possible for them to experience in real life

Porn isn't just about conventional intercourse.
It's so vast, it covers all sorts of stuff, including fetishes, and things that you may interpret as 'wrong'.

 

Right now, 'Alien Porn' is popular on Pornhub. People get off on that. It won't be applicable to real life (at least for most people), but people enjoy the fantasy.

 

As for the world we live in, I still like the theory of, "The Matrix". I would always recommend people take the blue pill, because reality totally sucks

[Phantasmal Fingers]

5 hours ago, sallimae76 said:

why does pornography exist? If we humans are animal mammals, why do we need something artificial to show us how it is done?

My theory is that we are all living in a certain man's imagination, our creator.

Mine is that instinct is just a form of conceptual understanding that is used to try and pin down 'the way things are'. Effectively it may be true about some people's behaviour re sex but it isn't about me. The deeper you go into the subconscious the more you realise that the patterns that it impels you to play out in your conscious mind are knots that you can undo. I don't believe in instinct.

[Snao Cone]

People had sex before porn. They had a natural inkling about what went where, and learned more by doing things. Same with food. Same with parenting. Same with juggling machetes. Common sense or natural instincts is a starting point. The rest we learn as we go along. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

If sex wasn't instinctive at all, there would be no porn. Potential actors, same as other people, would be clueless about what to do.

[Homer]

I once read a story about a couple from India (?) that desperately wanted children, but they got the process all wrong. Details are a bit gross so I'm gonna spoiler them.

 

Spoiler

They didn't have actual sex, but the husband inserted his penis into his wife when he needed to pee. Needless to say, it didn't work. Once they got fed up and went to a doctor, that doctor, er, clarified some misconceptions and lo and behold...  

 

So apparently instinct isn't everything. I genuinely thought that if you had the desire to procreate, you'd instinctively know what to put where and all that...

[Lord Jade Cross]

15 minutes ago, Homer said:

I once read a story about a couple from India (?) that desperately wanted children, but they got the process all wrong. Details are a bit gross so I'm gonna spoiler them.

 

  Reveal hidden contents

They didn't have actual sex, but the husband inserted his penis into his wife when he needed to pee. Needless to say, it didn't work. Once they got fed up and went to a doctor, that doctor, er, clarified some misconceptions and lo and behold...  

 

So apparently instinct isn't everything. I genuinely thought that if you had the desire to procreate, you'd instinctively know what to put where and all that...

Well, now I don't feel so bad for being ignorant about aspects of sex

[Skycaptain]

3 hours ago, Homer said:

I once read a story about a couple from India (?) that desperately wanted children, but they got the process all wrong. Details are a bit gross so I'm gonna spoiler them.

 

  Hide contents

They didn't have actual sex, but the husband inserted his penis into his wife when he needed to pee. Needless to say, it didn't work. Once they got fed up and went to a doctor, that doctor, er, clarified some misconceptions and lo and behold...  

 

So apparently instinct isn't everything. I genuinely thought that if you had the desire to procreate, you'd instinctively know what to put where and all that...

Could be worse. There was a Chinese couple who tried to conceive for years only to discover that the wrong hole was being used 

[hypnopompic]

11 hours ago, Homer said:

People by and large don't watch porn to "learn how it's done". Most of them already know how it's done.

Your statement applies to adults or people who have already had sex and simply watch porn as a way of getting off. However, I have seen a rise in teenagers who watch porn as an educational video about what sex should be, especially boys. This can be deeply damaging, not only for those who watch porn but especially for those who have never seen porn but let themselves be manhandled during sexual encounters because they are told that this is how it is done. To prove my point, I would like to tell you about two conversations I've had with students but I think they could bee too graphic for some users, so spoiler!

Spoiler

One of my students asked me how STDs could be prevented. I told him about condoms and femidoms amd repeatedly stressed the importance of using protection when all of a sudden he bursts out: "But if my sperm doesn't touch her vagina?" I asked him where exactly he planned on putting it and during the conversation, I realised that he thought it was normal to finish by coming on a woman's face. He told me that "everybody does that". I went home and did some research and sure enough, in all the porn videos I watched, the guy finishes on the woman's face. There is even a specific category for that on all websites. I had a long talk with my student the next day on how porn is not real and more about fetishes and fantasies.

 

Another situation that shocked me was when I overheard two young girls (both 15 years old) talking about one of them going to a boy's house later that day because his parents weren't home. Her friend told her "You're finally getting laid" and the girl pointed out that the guy's best friend would be there too. Her friend simply said "Good, you can have a threesome, it's much more fun". I talked to that girl after class and asked about her "threesome comment" and she responded "It's the next step to take once you've had sex several times. All the boys always ask for threesomes." And when I went home and once again did my research, "threesome" was indeed one of the most popular categories on porn sites.

I could share some more stories like those but believe me, they don't get any better and I'm afraid your hope in the next generation might die if I continue. But long story short, because teenagers (and even kids) have smartphones and an unrestricted access to the internet and everyhting it has to offer, some of them start watching porn far too early and mistake the scenarios they see as a tutorial. I swear, the amount of research I had to do to even understand where my students were coming from 😟

[Lord Jade Cross]

1 hour ago, hypnopompic said:

Your statement applies to adults or people who have already had sex and simply watch porn as a way of getting off. However, I have seen a rise in teenagers who watch porn as an educational video about what sex should be, especially boys. This can be deeply damaging, not only for those who watch porn but especially for those who have never seen porn but let themselves be manhandled during sexual encounters because they are told that this is how it is done. To prove my point, I would like to tell you about two conversations I've had with students but I think they could bee too graphic for some users, so spoiler!

  Hide contents

One of my students asked me how STDs could be prevented. I told him about condoms and femidoms amd repeatedly stressed the importance of using protection when all of a sudden he bursts out: "But if my sperm doesn't touch her vagina?" I asked him where exactly he planned on putting it and during the conversation, I realised that he thought it was normal to finish by coming on a woman's face. He told me that "everybody does that". I went home and did some research and sure enough, in all the porn videos I watched, the guy finishes on the woman's face. There is even a specific category for that on all websites. I had a long talk with my student the next day on how porn is not real and more about fetishes and fantasies.

 

Another situation that shocked me was when I overheard two young girls (both 15 years old) talking about one of them going to a boy's house later that day because his parents weren't home. Her friend told her "You're finally getting laid" and the girl pointed out that the guy's best friend would be there too. Her friend simply said "Good, you can have a threesome, it's much more fun". I talked to that girl after class and asked about her "threesome comment" and she responded "It's the next step to take once you've had sex several times. All the boys always ask for threesomes." And when I went home and once again did my research, "threesome" was indeed one of the most popular categories on porn sites.

I could share some more stories like those but believe me, they don't get any better and I'm afraid your hope in the next generation might die if I continue. But long story short, because teenagers (and even kids) have smartphones and an unrestricted access to the internet and everyhting it has to offer, some of them start watching porn far too early and mistake the scenarios they see as a tutorial. I swear, the amount of research I had to do to even understand where my students were coming from 😟

Well, this isn't really new. I had students who made sexual remarks and such at an age younger than when I first began feeling anything sexual in my own younger years. 

 

But even back in the day, where internet was not so common place and smartphones weren't around, some of my classmates would make all sorts of remarks that simply weren't true because they heard it from their friends, who heard it from their friends, who heard it from a "reliable source" (porn mags) and later on the net.

 

I still remember, having had to stomach my peers constant taking cheap shots at me for not being interested, saying things that you had to make sure that a girl sucked you off each day before you turned 18 because otherwise your dick was gonna stay small. Following that I would also hear the infamous weight that you supposed tied to your dick to have the same effect. With the girls it was that they needed to have their breasts rubbed daily to make them grow. 

 

And then you had the common sex myths that only PiV counted as sex whereas oral or anal we're or kept you "safe". The bashing that if you didn't have sex something was wrong with you, something both the boys and did, especially if you had any girls over (something that happened on few occasions but only because we lived nearby)

 

 

 

 

 

[Snao Cone]

2 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

Could be worse. There was a Chinese couple who tried to conceive for years only to discover that the wrong hole was being used 

Honestly, I think Homer's example is worse... 😬

[Guest]

On 3/29/2020 at 4:31 AM, sallimae76 said:

why do we need something artificial to show us how it is done?

If you're learning sex based on watching porn, you're learning it in the worst possible way.

 

That's like watching bumper cars, to learn how to drive.

 

Porn, is the creation of fantasy. Like how realistic, is it to have a pizza delivery guy with his d*** in a box? (You need to watch Justin Timberlake's song of the same title to get this one).

 

Hence the fantasy. In practical terms, what you see in porn should make no possible sense. Otherwise you become one of the crowd that thinks its a good idea to send a woman a picture of your junk and are shocked she is disgusted at it. "But I saw it in porn!" is a horrible excuse.

 

Sex is very instinctive, as is kissing. You adapt based on your partner.

 

Porn teachers you one size fits all (along with developing highly unrealistic expectations), which is why those who use it as a guiding light realize they will struggle sexually.

 

 

[hypnopompic]

20 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

But even back in the day, where internet was not so common place and smartphones weren't around, some of my classmates would make all sorts of remarks that simply weren't true because they heard it from their friends, who heard it from their friends, who heard it from a "reliable source" (porn mags) and later on the net.

 

I still remember, having had to stomach my peers constant taking cheap shots at me for not being interested, saying things that you had to make sure that a girl sucked you off each day before you turned 18 because otherwise your dick was gonna stay small. Following that I would also hear the infamous weight that you supposed tied to your dick to have the same effect. With the girls it was that they needed to have their breasts rubbed daily to make them grow. 

But what you're describing here is simple misinformation that doesn't hurt anybody. If girls thought they needed to rub their breasts daily, then great, go ahead and rub'em. If boys wanted to tie weight to their genitals, have fun but don't hurt yourself please. And I doubt  a lot of then actually found girls willing to suck them off to help them grow their penis. But nowadays, with porn being so readily available and blurring the lines between reality and fiction, many teenagers have trouble understanding that it is scripted, staged and highly artificial.

 

There is even a category called "amateur porn" where normal couples can upload their private home videos for others to enjoy (contrary to high-end porn with actors and settings) but again, most of the time, it is fake, the people are actors, the scenarios pre-written. But try to force a 14-year-old to use his critical thinking while his eyes are glued to a screen showing a tangled, moaning mess of limbs. And because in a lot of porn, the woman is forced into a very submissive position, boys genuinely think that women are beneath men. They feel entitled to a woman's body because they see it on their screens all the time. And this, to me, is troubling.

 

I personally think school should be much more involved in their students discovering their sexuality, their bodies, their urges. Sex education should be so much more than simply explaining how sex works. But that's a whole other conversation.

[Lord Jade Cross]

2 hours ago, hypnopompic said:

But what you're describing here is simple misinformation that doesn't hurt anybody. If girls thought they needed to rub their breasts daily, then great, go ahead and rub'em. If boys wanted to tie weight to their genitals, have fun but don't hurt yourself please. And I doubt  a lot of then actually found girls willing to suck them off to help them grow their penis. But nowadays, with porn being so readily available and blurring the lines between reality and fiction, many teenagers have troubled understanding that it is scripted, staged and highly artificial.

 

There is even a category called "amateur porn" where normal couples can upload their private home videos for others to enjoy (contrary to high-end porn with actors and settings) but again, most of the time, it is fake, the people are actors, the scenarios pre-written. But try to force a 14-year-old to use his critical thinking while his eyes are glued to a screen showing a tangled, moaning mess of limbs. And because in a lot of porn, the woman is forced into a very submissive position, boys genuinely think that women are beneath men. They feel entitled to a woman's body because they see it on their screens all the time. And this, to me, is troubling.

 

I personally think school should be much more involved in their students discovering their sexuality, their bodies, their urges. Sex education should be so much more than simply explaining how sex works. But that's a whole other conversation.

I doubt schools will ever be allowed to teach kids about sexuality in this day and age unless you're looking to have hell raised on Earth. Trust me I've seen and worked with parents who would  huff and puff about their sex lives but lose their shit the second the word and their kids name is put into the same sentence as if it was something they needed to be protected from at all costs. I found it amusing because it was the very definition of hypocrisy and one I saw play out with my own parents when I grew up.

 

You would think that rather then behaving like that, parents would take the proper steps to teach their kids enough to help them make better decisions in life, especially on something like sex but nope, hide it from them, demonize it  for them and then hope and pray that by some unforeseen miracle, the kid magically, fully understands the concept of sex on their own without any struggles or complications. Great parenting skills and social views.

 

So much for the so called "sexually liberated society"

[hypnopompic]

8 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

I doubt schools will ever be allowed to teach kids about sexuality in this day and age unless you're looking to have hell raised on Earth.

If you don't mind me asking: Where do you live? Is no Sex Ed whatsoever provided to your students? Because in Belgium, you are not only allowed to teach teenagers how sex works but you must; it's part of the curriculum (as are the biological processes, contraception and STDs). However, all those explanations are purely scientific and as such limited to heterosexual penetrative sex. Including other forms of sex or other sexual orientations is the teacher's choice. Porn and masturbation, on the other hand, are never talked about (not to my knowledge, at least).

[Lord Jade Cross]

Just now, hypnopompic said:

If you don't mind me asking: Where do you live? Is no Sex Ed whatsoever provided to your students? Because in Belgium, you are not only allowed to teach teenagers how sex works but you must; it's part of the curriculum (as are the biological processes, contraception and STDs). However, all those explanations are purely scientific and as such limited to heterosexual penetrative sex. Including other forms of sex or other sexual orientations is the teacher's choice. Porn and masturbation, on the other hand, are never talked about (not to my knowledge, at least).

I'll keep the location out but my "sexual education course" was one single 35 minute presentation of untreated STD pictures that had gone well into grotesque stages and how "that's what sex will do to you"

 

[hypnopompic]

7 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

I'll keep the location out but my "sexual education course" was one single 35 minute presentation of untreated STD pictures that had gone well into grotesque stages and how "that's what sex will do to you"

Oh wow, how very educational! My guess is America, but in a rather conservative and right-wing area. You don't have to answer that, of course! I have watched a brilliant episode of "Last Week Tonight" on sex Ed in the States and what you said is basically a summary of the whole episode pointing out problems in that system. Do you know that episode? It's very interesting!

[Lord Jade Cross]

1 minute ago, hypnopompic said:

Oh wow, how very educational! My guess is America, but in a rather conservative and right-wing area. You don't have to answer that, of course! I have watched a brilliant episode of "Last Week Tonight" on sex Ed in the States and what you said is basically a summary of the whole episode pointing out problems in that system. Do you know that episode? It's very interesting!

No, but having lived the experience, I have a fairly decent idea of what it might say

[hypnopompic]

1 minute ago, Jade Cross said:

No, but having lived the experience, I have a fairly decent idea of what it might say

Okay, so I guess I won't complain about the lacking depth of Sex Ed in Belgium anymore, students in other countries have it way worse.

[Lord Jade Cross]

13 minutes ago, hypnopompic said:

Okay, so I guess I won't complain about the lacking depth of Sex Ed in Belgium anymore, students in other countries have it way worse.

For myself, I don't think the lack of sex Ed will be too much trouble in my personal life as even if I somehow exhibited the oftentimes misinformed or misinterpreted state of an allo, where they get extremely bent out of shape due to lack of sex, my approach to the thing is too mechanical as has been evidenced by some of my talks with members (and people outside the forum) who see my way of interpretation as a little unnerving if not disturbing because the way my mind handles the concept of sex is about the same a doctor handles a corpse sent in for dissection, cold, calculated and otherwise unemotional. So it's safe to say sex will never happen, even if i wanted it to.

 

But for my kids (well my students but the little bastards can grow on you) I fear they may not be able to have an alternative to the matter. Truth be told I was shit scared if a student would ask me such questions because I knew that if it was genuine curiosity, I would risk alot just for doing the job parents should. I had lesser impacting situations where my only response was to say "ask your parents" because I knew there was no way I would be able to help a kid understand without some serious, often legal trouble looming in the future.

 

Probably a good thing I no longer have them.

 

[hypnopompic]

11 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

But for my kids (well my students but the little bastards can grow on you) I fear they may not be able to have an alternative to the matter. Truth be told I was shit scared if a student would ask me such questions because I knew that if it was genuine curiosity, I would risk alot just for doing the job parents should. I had lesser impacting situations where my only response was to say "ask your parents" because I knew there was no way I would be able to help a kid understand without some serious, often legal trouble looming in the future.

 

Probably a good thing I no longer have them.

 

Wow, that must have sucked not being able to answer questions or correct misinformation because of the possible repercussions. Man, I cannot tell you how many times I explained something to my students or we had an extensive and in-depth conversation about sex because I was genuinely horrified that they didn't cover that in sex ed. Never had a complaint, neither from parents nor colleagues nor the headmaster. Lucky me!

 

Are you no longer a teacher? Why? You seemed rather fond of your students when talking about them?

[Lord Jade Cross]

6 minutes ago, hypnopompic said:

Wow, that must have sucked not being able to answer questions or correct misinformation because of the possible repercussions. Man, I cannot tell you how many times I explained something to my students or we had an extensive and in-depth conversation about sex because I was genuinely horrified that they didn't cover that in sex ed. Never had a complaint, neither from parents nor colleagues nor the headmaster. Lucky me!

 

Are you no longer a teacher? Why? You seemed rather fond of your students when talking about them?

Couple of factors. For one thing, the requirements to continue meant that I needed to take out additional licences I didn't have, nor the money to get them.

 

I couldn't stomach the idiotic parents and how the schools were basically glorified day care centers where you received kids just to look after them instead of teaching them or heaven help you, you would get a parent all lawyered up and banging the doors down threatening to sue the second something "offended" them (and believe me parents would find the absolute most ridiculous thing to bitch about)

 

And because I did not, and do not agree with the mentality that you cannot discipline a child because that's automatically "emotional abuse"

 

 

[Philip027]

As pointed out, the purpose of porn isn't to teach.  In fact, please don't attempt to learn anything from porn.

 

Anyway, it wouldn't have been instinctive for me at all.  Without a libido, it's rather difficult to even figure things out on your own without being taught from somewhere.

[Ldlelee]

If the purpose of porn is to teach, I'm going to tell you right now, they are doing shit at their jobs because it is absolutely nothing like it is in real life. Porn is entertainment; it is literally classified as "adult entertainment."

[Lord Jade Cross]

There is a silver lining of sorts for me with porn. It showed me where the penis magically disappeared to during sex. That was in truth one of my biggest questions especially since in the early stages, they only ever showed the thighs and such so it always had me curious where the heck the penis went or if it somehow just bended drastically and people would be just rubbing things down there XD

 

So I guess it taught me at least something useful when I saw more explicit porn lol

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, Jade Cross said:

I doubt schools will ever be allowed to teach kids about sexuality in this day and age unless you're looking to have hell raised on Earth.

This is actually a thing in UK schools now, or it will be soon (can't remember when the programme is going nation wide). Schools will be required to teach children about relationships including non-hetero orientations starting age 5, developing into sex education as when they are older.