Jump to content
soapie

dating for ace-specs and aro-specs as a teen

Recommended Posts

soapie

I'm a teen ace and aro-spec (I prefer not to use labels but I think I'd be a gray-ace and demiromantic or gray-romantic idk) and would love a relationship! but most people my age are starting to experiment with making out and sex, and I have quite a low libido. though I'm not sure I'd mind kissing or sex it just wouldn't be my first choice of activity and seems sorta icky (I want my saliva to stay in my own mouth lol). But on the other hand, I wouldn't want my partner to feel unsatisfied. 

 

anyone else struggling? or know how to make dating work as an ace teen?

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AlexTheGrey

I feel you there. I'm an ace-spec teen and my suggestion would to try and find another ace/ ace-spec teen that you're interested in. I wouldn't suggest a long distance unless you know the person well and you feel a fairly strong attraction towards them. I completely understand.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AlexTheGrey

Also, if you need someone to talk to, I can help you in the best way I can.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
soapie
2 minutes ago, Gregarious Greyscale said:

Also, if you need someone to talk to, I can help you in the best way I can.

aww, ty

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
AlexTheGrey
Just now, soapie said:

aww, ty

no problem!! my friends refer to me as the teddy bear of the group because anyone can vent to me about anything or if they just need someone to cry on i'm there.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Carbon-12

Hello! I agree with what was said above, especially about dating someone who's also ace-spec. I do believe that ace-allo relationships can work, but it's probably not the best idea for teens. 

The only problem with only dating ace-spec people that it narrows your dating pool by a lot. In order to have a chance of meeting someone who is both a) ace-spec and b) someone you like, you really have to put yourself out there and meet as many ace-spec teens as possible. That means going to the lgbtq+ club if your school has one, and if you're out, you can wear an ace pin/the ace ring- ace people are a lot more likely to approach you if they know you're ace too.

I wish you luck! Dating is hard enough as is, let alone being ace.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
SithEmpress
3 minutes ago, Carbon-12 said:

I do believe that ace-allo relationships can work, but it's probably not the best idea for teens. 

I actually second this idea. I only had one bf as a teen and it was very PG. Like light kissing and hand-holding was the most we did, though we did had a conversation once about why a guy would drap his arm over a girl's shoulder despite it being uncomfortable without anything happening because of it (no groping, I thought about it at the time but it was completely a "why, though?" thought in my hear). 

 

I think mixed relationships require a lot of maturity, communication, insight into what one does and doesn't want, and other things that are easier for older people. Not to say it's impossible and I've heard some have had good relationships in their teens, but you'll likely find a lot of people only interested in sex or flings or more shallow desires because they're teens and adolencence is crazy. 

 

So my advice would only be to be confident in yourself and not let yourself be pressed into anything. Explain the reason if you want, or just tell them to take no for an answer and move on. Only do what you're comfortable with and make sure you trust the other person before doing anything that could have possible repercussions. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Snao Cone (me)

It's totally fine to experiment. A lot of teenagers try things that don't work out for them. Just be safe, make sure it's always mutually consensual, and don't be afraid to say stop.

 

Also, don't deny things about yourself just because you're unsure of whatever category you fall into. If you actively want to find someone to have a meaningfully intimate emotional one-on-one relationship with, you might not be aromantic. Romantic attraction isn't always what goes on in chick flicks. I tried dating a few times in my 20s and I am wholly aromantic, so it might just be curiosity that's intriguing you, which is perfectly valid, as long as you are emotionally considerate of others.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...