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Not the boot I expected on this foot


Voided

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Quite a lot has happened to me since I was last on AVEN. I've been diagnosed as autistic. What's really bizarre though is I managed to find a boyfriend.

 

I'm starting to find this tough going. My boyfriend is very uncommunicative. He can be very sensitive to my needs, but he has a very annoying habit of just ignoring my messages. He's happy to go a week without checking in on me.

 

Considering I'm the autistic one, I really wasn't expecting to be up against this particular relationship problem! For once, my asexuality isn't the primary barrier here. He's not rushing me or anything and is at least responsive to my dos and don'ts. In terms of politics and worldview, we're eye to eye on just about everything. But ignoring me for days is just not a healthy sign in my book. I already have a bunch of emotionally distant men in my family and the last thing I'd ever want is yet another one.

 

I kinda just want to vent. On the other hand, having next to no relationship experience, I wouldn't mind some sage words from the wise. Obviously I'm an introvert myself, but who doesn't check their messages from their girlfriend during a coronavirus outbreak?

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Lack of communication always caused break down in my relationships. Imo, if you can't carry a honest convesation with him, breaking up might be preferable.

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Maybe you should talk to him about this.

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Lord Jade Cross

My take is a little different but bear in mind that I'm no relationship expert.

 

What I'm confused about here is that so far, besides the going for days without contact, everything else is ok right? Is it possible that maybe he's not the clingy "I have to be with my girlfriend 24/7" type and he's doing his thing and letting you do yours? 

 

 

 

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43 minutes ago, Jade Cross said:

My take is a little different but bear in mind that I'm no relationship expert.

 

What I'm confused about here is that so far, besides the going for days without contact, everything else is ok right? Is it possible that maybe he's not the clingy "I have to be with my girlfriend 24/7" type and he's doing his thing and letting you do yours? 

 

 

 

 

That has to be something that's mutually desired though. Most people in relationships aren't comfortable with a literal week of no contact (heck, even me, and I'm the most antisocial person I know, lol). If a week of silence makes one partner uncomfortable, then it's something that needs to be discussed and rectified.

 

Communication is actually the MOST important part of a relationship, it's literally the most vital component, so if communication is failing then it doesn't really matter how similar two people are. A relationship just won't work if the communication needs are too different. :c

 

@Voided has he given an explanation as to why he will often go a week without messaging? That seems a strangely long time even to me, for someone in a new relationship. I mean, especially at this time. As someone with relationship experience, who is extremely introverted and antisocial, even I have to say his behaviour seems very odd :o And that's coming from someone who hides if I hear a knock on the door, lol.

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Lord Jade Cross
5 minutes ago, Not Pan Ficto. said:

That has to be something that's mutually desired though. Most people in relationships aren't comfortable with a literal week of no contact (heck, even me, and I'm the most antisocial person I know, lol). If a week of silence makes one partner uncomfortable, then it's something that needs to be discussed and rectified.

 

Communication is actually the MOST important part of a relationship, it's literally the most vital component, so if communication is failing then it doesn't really matter how similar two people are. A relationship just won't work if the communication needs are too different. :c

 

@Voided has he given an explanation as to why he will often go a week without messaging? That seems a strangely long time even to me, for someone in a new relationship. I mean, especially at this time. As someone with relationship experience, who is extremely introverted and antisocial, even I have to say his behaviour seems very odd :o And that's coming from someone who hides if I hear a knock on the door, lol.

Sorry ☹️

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18 minutes ago, Not Pan Ficto. said:

As someone with relationship experience, who is extremely introverted and antisocial, even I have to say his behaviour seems very odd :o And that's coming from someone who hides if I hear a knock on the door, lol.

I second this.

 

I can go a long ass time without talking to anyone and actually prefer as little communication as possible, but I still talk to my bf every day. If he ignored me for days in a row, he better have an explanation. We let each other know if we're going to be uncommunicative for any reason (being tired, drained, on vaca or a trip with others, etc.) and it lets the other know we're not ignoring them to be mean or send a message.

 

@Voided, I would talk to him about this. Maybe it's the means of communication? Does he prefer calling to text? Does he not get on Facebook often so would prefer Snapchat? Would Skyping or FaceTime or some face-to-face though not in-person be prefereable?

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AspieAlly613

I'm going to float out a possibility.  

 

Sometimes being nonresponsive is a sign of other emotional issues/depression.  Are there other problems in his life or other signs of trouble?

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  • 2 weeks later...

Yeah, so-

 

When he finally got round to messaging me, he said he'd been tired and busy. Fine. I told him he needs to message me more often. If he's feeling down, I want to know about it!

 

So he did start messaging me in two day intervals, for a short while. Now we're back to five days. Which is pretty much what I expected.

 

What makes this worse is that we're in a (very) long distance relationship with a 7 hour time difference. If he doesn't message me, we've got no communication going at all. I feel like I may as well be single. If he is down or depressed, there's nothing I can do about it from over here if he isn't sharing.

 

I'm very happy when he does pay me attention but this is ridiculous. I enjoyed meeting his family and everything, but I can't chase after a guy who isn't prepared to chase after me. I clearly can't be that important to him.

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Uh..... so in other news, I'm single and wondering if there are any actually affectionate people in the world? This is all putting me off men. Maybe I need more women in my life.

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