Would transitioning help?

[Boure]

So, to start out: I'm nowhere near transitioning, I'm only just starting out questioning gender and such. I read a couple post on here and this is just a thought that I wanted to ask some people who are more experienced with this stuff.

 

I'm afab, and I don't have a constant body or social disphoria. I'm fine with female pronounce, I'm fine dressing female most of the times, but I'm not very feminine, I just don't really care usually (which I associated with being ace, not caring about people being attractred to me => not caring if I look attractive to people who are attracted to women) . I recently stopped taking birth control and had this sudden need to wear skirts and dresses and be feminine, but that seems to have died down a bit.

 

But there are these times, when suddenly I get VERY uneasy in my body. I hate my breast, I hate my feminine curves. Any attraction I've ever had to anyone were always men, in a very "I want to be like them" way. I imagine what it would be like to have a beard, to have a flat chest and broad shoulders, and I feel very depressed because I can't have this, I cry and can't sleep. This doesn't happen often, but when it does, I don't know what to do with myself. It happens often enough that I've looked into chest binding.

 

My question is, do you people think it would help to transition to be more masculine, and express myself as more genderfluid from a "male" body? Or do you think it's not worth the trouble if I "only" have to cope with this anxiety every couple weeks. I have no idea if I'd miss having a female body, but I must say I've never really related to any female rolemodel/artist/celebrity/character. Most people I look up to are gender non-conforming men, trans men or just regular cis men.

 

This is just a thought I had, and like I said, I'm nowhere near really identifying as something other than female (atleast to the outside world).

Sorry for bad English, and if I'm asking something stupid/ignorant, this is just how I feel and I would love to hear what some other people think! Thank you guys so much

[Howard]

I had a friend who wanted to transition, amab. His doctor told him to live life as a woman for a full year before doing anything. I hope it helps.

[Lonemathsytoothbrushthief]

No one but you can say whether it would help. Spend some time reading about steps you could take, socially, legally and/or medically, in terms of what sort of a transition you'd want/what is accessible, but if you get to the point you're asking for something and being gatekept I'd say it's clearly worth it to you. While many trans people also feel uncomfortable about the things they want to change from birth, a lot of us also find our dysphoria and/or frustration intensifies while we're in the early stages of transition, so take your mental health seriously around this, whether you think you're fine about things or not. And come vent in the trans threads any time.

[Bloc]

I can't tell if medically transition would be good for you. Being gender fluid you might trade dysphoria on your masculine days for dysphoria on your feminine days.  What might help could be binding your chest on your masculine days to feel more comfortable with yourself. If you want to bind educate yourself how to do it safely. In exploring do small steps to find out what is right for you.

 

2 hours ago, Howard said:

I had a friend who wanted to transition, amab. His doctor told him to live life as a woman for a full year before doing anything. I hope it helps.

I don't know where you friend lives, but forcing trans people to live full-time for a year before any medical transition steps is cruel to me. Essentially it only screens if you can survive a year of potentially anti trans harassment because you will be visibly trans. Also what I heard from older trans women here is that in addition to the real life test they had to follow the sexist 1950th stereotypes their therapist expected them to adhere to.

[Bloc]

I can relate a lot to questioning if you want to take medical transition steps. I am at this position at the moment. I would not say that I am gender fluid. It is more that if I am in a bad mental state I don't have the energy to present femme even if that would make me feel better and more confident. A rule of thumb for my expression is that I am mentally better when presenting femme.

 

Bin the less I am not sure if medical transition is right for me. I am not sure how much of it is internalized transphobia and uncertainty of the outcome and how much is due to me being non-binary.

[Starbogen]

49 minutes ago, Bloc said:

I don't know where you friend lives, but forcing trans people to live full-time for a year before any medical transition steps is cruel to me. Essentially it only screens if you can survive a year of potentially anti trans harassment because you will be visibly trans.

I get what you mean but I don't think it's cruel.. it's not an ideal option or even doable for everyone, but I do think that people should at least live as their gender as much as they can and as much as would be safe for them for a while before transitioning medically. I'm not saying that they should be forced to do that and that if they don't they'd be denied treatment, but just that in my opinion it's better to transition socially first (again as much as it is actually possible for the person, even if it means just living as their gender in the privacy of their house or with trusted people) before transitioning medically. 

I've just seen a lot of stories of people who don't come out and start transitioning socially until like a month before starting HRT and idk, to each their own but imo that's too many sudden big changes in life at once. It leaves no time to process things and adjust and grow into it. But again, that's just how I feel about it. I'm the kind of person who does everything very gradually. 

 

 

As for the op, idk if you were asking about medical transitioning or just transitioning in general but if you feel like you want to explore your gender you can always start changing stuff about your presentation whenever you want. You can try binding and wearing men's clothes when you're feeling more masc, try different pronouns if you want. 

This next thing kinda depends on what you look like now but generally I think that if you did end up medically transitioning to look more male it would be a bit harder when you wanted to look more feminine/or female than it would be now to look more masculine/or male whenever you wanted. But I do relate to what you said about looking up to gender nonconforming men.. so like, if that's how you'd like to be seen most of the time, as a gender nonconforming guy instead of as a gender nonconforming girl, then yeah I get why you would be considering transitioning to look male. 

 

But since you're just starting to question your gender, it might be best to leave the question of medical transition for later and just focus more on the other simpler things that you could experiment with like your presentation and pronouns for now. See what feels right and what doesn't, what gives you euphoria and makes you feel more like yourself, what you want to keep and what you want to change, and just go from there. Hope any of this helps and good luck!

[henshin]

Ok heres the thing, not caring about appearing feminine or looking nice is totally legit and has nothing to do with your gender identity. You can be a butch woman or andrgynous or soft butch or a tomboy or whatever.

 

You can also feel shit about your body sometimes without being trans. Our patriarchal capitalist society benefits from women feeling insecure and anxious about their bodies, especially the bits that are sexualized by men. 

 

I would recommend looking into styles you like and building a good wardrobe that makes you feel good, and if your chest gives you anxiety every few weeks get a sports bra or binder and see how it feels to compress your chest and get a flatter profile. 

 

Reevaluate in a few months.

[Acing It]

Only you can say but be very sure once you decide to transition as its irriversible and life changing.

[Just Somebody]

On 3/22/2020 at 11:45 PM, Bloc said:

I can relate a lot to questioning if you want to take medical transition steps. I am at this position at the moment. I would not say that I am gender fluid. It is more that if I am in a bad mental state I don't have the energy to present femme even if that would make me feel better and more confident. A rule of thumb for my expression is that I am mentally better when presenting femme.

 

Bin the less I am not sure if medical transition is right for me. I am not sure how much of it is internalized transphobia and uncertainty of the outcome and how much is due to me being non-binary.

You should seek medical help and be tested for depression or hormonal imbalances like hypothyroidism, they can present as laziness, tiredness and lack of motivation to do things.

[Calligraphette_Coe]

On 3/22/2020 at 10:36 PM, Bloc said:

 

 

I don't know where you friend lives, but forcing trans people to live full-time for a year before any medical transition steps is cruel to me. Essentially it only screens if you can survive a year of potentially anti trans harassment because you will be visibly trans. Also what I heard from older trans women here is that in addition to the real life test they had to follow the sexist 1950th stereotypes their therapist expected them to adhere to.

I'm one of those older people who lived through those times. I can't bring myself to say it was cruel, but it certainly wasn't optimal! And you're right about the stereotypical femininty standarts the whole institution enforced. Maybe it was more like 'the road to hell is paved with good intentions', but they wanted to be sure beyond a reasonable doubt-- that that made it a trial by fire at that point in time may have been unavoidable. Pretty much, they wanted you to be able to go stealth in a year or two and remain there. They would even talk people who would have really difficult times passing out of surgery.

 

My own cruel irony was that the thing that probably made me trans was also the thing that caused my other hidden birth defects and slammed down the gate for my path forever closed. The thing that made me a 'natural' was turned upside down.

 

I remember telling people back then that the road to being stealth was like boiling a frog. If you do it slowly and gradually, the public notices it a lot less. Even though I got kicked out of the program, my method was to do work that let me work alone at night, while the rest of the world slept. And that someday, instead of Jim becoming Jane on a certain date, I just morphed in slow motion. 

 

But that's just my opinion and way of dealing with it. YMMV, as always.

 

[Ms. Carolynne]

I recommend experimenting with things to see how you feel about it, and to see where that takes you. Even if it's just baby steps. 

 

I think it might be a bit early to think about medical transition in full, that's quite a commitment, you'll at least want to be sure of your gender. Then you'll probably have a better idea as to whether medical transition would be worthwhile.

[KiraS]

I think the next step would be to wear gender-affirming clothing some of the time, and then reassess how you feel about whether you want to do it all of the time. There is nothing wrong with being a butch if that's what works for you. 

[Boure]

Thanks for all the helpful tips, I was panicking a bit because I was feeling this unease again, realizing this might just not be something I can keep pushing down, and needed to vent somewhere. I got a binder for when I need it, and am experimenting with my gender in online settings, taking baby steps. I have a lot to learn about gender and gender expression and about MY OWN gender and feelings.

 

Anyway I really just wanted to say thank you, so thank you.