Am I still Ace if I have sexual fantasies?

[dragoncookie425]

Hi! At the moment I think I am aro/ace, because I never really had a crush or feel sexually attracted to anyone. But I normally have 3rd person sexual fantasies, usually with book characters I like, and I do masturbate. I never really want sex for myself though. Am I really asexual, or some type of other sexuality?

[everywhere and nowhere]

Yes, it can absolutely qualify as asexual.

Technically, having erotic fantasies in third person is called autochorissexual or anegosexual (often spelled "aegosexual", but it's wrong from the point of view of correct Latin). But anegosexual people can be asexual at the same time. Some people go so far to call anegosexuality "a type of asexuality", although I disagree with that: I think that allosexual people may have third-person fantasies too, although it's true that this kind of fantasies seems much more typical for libidoist asexuals than for allosexuals.

Generally speaking: remember that what makes a person asexual is having no desire for partnered sex, not having no sexual feelings whatsoever. While some asexuals might fall into that category, there are also many asexuals who have a libido and they are just as valid.

By the way, I myself too have third-person fantasies, and I'm absolutely completely closed to the idea of ever personally having partnered sex. No way I'd do it, but some people cannot understand it, they can't understand that asexuals can have a libido.

[dragoncookie425]

Thank you! 

[Skycaptain]

Your description of yourself is the same as many people here. 

 

Welcome to AVEN 🎂 🎂 

[the great acescape]

It's important to realize that you can be asexual and have a libido. Sex drive and your propensity for sexual attraction are two distinct things. Reading or writing smut may indicate that you have a libido, but it does not necessarily indicate sexual attraction. You are not any less asexual for enjoying erotica.

 

A few months ago on reddit (lol, I know) I saw a thread titled "what is it like to experience arousal as an asexual person?" This was the answer I read that allowed me to finally distinguish between libido and sexual attraction, and it helped me come to terms with my own asexuality:

"You know that feeling you get when you're hungry, so you look in the fridge but can't find anything you want to eat? So you look in the cabinets and drawers, but you still don't find anything? Like no matter where you look, there is nothing to eat? This is what a sexually aroused asexual feels like."

[K. Derrick]

The great thing about joining this community is that you quickly learn that there is a diversity of experiences and take on what asexuality and aromanticism is.  Personally, I think, without taking that journey of self-exploration in the context of all that exists out there, how can you come to any definitive conclusion about your romanticism or sexuality.  I was close to thirty before I even heard about asexuality.  I just thought I was broken.  I had to see what asexuality was for others before I could define it for myself.  That is why AVEN is such an important institution.  By bringing such a varied community of insights together in one place,AVEN allows people unaware of how sexuality can be experienced to explore others and themselves.  @dragoncookie425, you have come to the right place.  Good luck on your journey.  I hope it makes you as happy and fulfilled as mine did.

[Claire1983]

Totally!  But it can definitely be confusing to figure out if you're ace when you have a libido.  For me, I fantasize about fictional characters all the time, but I can't really see myself in those fantasies.  I also like to daydream about Star Wars, but I'm pretty sure I don't actually want to live in that universe.