Guest Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 I am an asexual male well past the teenage years. Originally, I was never bothered by being born asexual (sexual orientation is typically genetic and not environment nor choice). However, over the years, after having had multiple bad experiences of many people (including health care "professionals") cause such a fuss over the fact that not only do I never want (nor ever had) sex, I have also never orgasmed nor masturbated, it has begun to wear away at me. To clarify, I had been happy the way I was, but over time, the many "interventions" have begun to wear away at me to the point where I question myself and wonder if something went wrong to make me become what I have always been (yes, that may sound confusing, but so am I). I wonder if I am indeed asexual and religious people are just wanting more people to add additional people to an over-populated world or if something is wrong with me. To answer common questions, no, I have never been raped. Yes, women at bars have touched me before and I shove them away in utter disgust. Yes, I have seen porn (of all types including kinds I never knew existed) before and am not amused. However, inflatable latex clothing and bondage catches my interest and seems appealing, but no turn on (if that makes any sense at all). The idea of a female platonic companion sometimes seems appealing, but I do not know if this is just the psychological damage or remenants of a previously poorly designed religion. Although, my love of money and fear of gold-diggers would never allow such an "experiment" (yes, I am selfish when it comes to money). Link to post Share on other sites
KathyHoh Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 I think it is natural to be non libido asexual. Some Asexuals have libido but some do not. Whatever you feel is valid and do not question it no matter what others, including medical professionals say. Wanting a platonic companion is also normal for Asexual. You are not alone. My dream man when I was a teenager was a platonic relationship, but over time I stopped talking about my deepest emotions until I found AVEN. People started thinking I was crazy or lying. It is a little known orientation. So do not be surprised by not being accepted by the wider population. You will find people who understand you here in AVEN. So you are not alone. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyHoh Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 Here is a true story of my experience with a doctor long before I knew about asexuality in 2014. Me: discuss a health problem.... Doctor: Could you be pregnant? Me: No I am not Doctor: but I still need to check Me: I am sure I am not Doctor: you never know. you might be pregnant Me thinking: So I am not normal not being sexually active? should I tell her? I chose not to tell her, and took the pregnancy test because she was so persistent. I said "I told you so" when it turned out negative. Doctor: Are you a virgin? Me: No The confused look afterwards left me pondering what was wrong with me for a long time. Now I found AVEN, AHA!!!!! explains everything. Link to post Share on other sites
KathyHoh Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 So in conclusion, people in AVEN know more about Asexual than medical professionals. Medical professionals are still trying to understand us. There are a lot of research topics posted here recruiting asexuals on AVEN for participation. https://www.asexuality.org/en/forum/144-research-requests-and-studies/ Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 We're humans, wanting to have a social bond is perfectly normal. The only exceptions are things like antisocial personality disorder and psychopathic/sociopathic disorders and even then, that's not always the case. The only thing is, with aces, we don't need a sexual bond with anyone, and for aromantics, we don't need a romantic bond with anyone. But wanting a best friend I think is perfectly normal for the very vast majority of people. Probably like 99% or even 99.9%. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 Welcome! The social pressure for sex can be really annoying. Make sure to take breaks from that pressure where possible, as it can be really toxic to have that constantly forced on you. Check out some of the asexual media around, it’s like a breath of fresh air Link to post Share on other sites
DarkDisco Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 Well I can certainly relate. I would like to think you were pushing away the uncouth behavior more than the women. A lot of my friends are women. And I think without that urge, it’s better to actually be friends than do the silly dance of “when are we gonna do it if ever?” Per religion, a lot of religions exalt celibacy. It’s just a state of being. You don’t have to make yourself uncomfortable to please others who want to get into your business. There’s nothing deficient. You can do what makes you feel best. You can always give yourself the option to change your mind later, but after hard won experience I can say having the “option” is more fulfilling than being forced into it. You needn’t explain yourself to people who choose not to understand Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 Thanks everyone for your responses. @KathyHoh, I have had similar experiences to yours. I would have doctors want to do STD and AIDS tests. Although, unlike you, I am stubborn and hide nothing. I am like "I do not fuck nor shoot up, so why waste our time?" Doctor: Are you sure? Me: Yes, I am sure. I would have been present and known if that happened, dumbass. Yes, I have quite the mouth and attitude of an old asexual in a not so tolerable environment. @Karret, I do not know if I am misunderstanding you comment, but having friends is not an issue nor what I was referring to. I was referring to the idea of sometimes thinking about having a platonic partner. Although, as greedy and selfish as I am, I do not know if that would be a great idea for anybody. @Lichley, yes, it sure can be toxic, literally and figuratively. I had not become a practicing alcoholic until I reached a breaking point. I have the alcohol under control, but what do you mean by taking a break from it? Also, I do not understand the the cake reference. I see it frequently on this website. Could you explain the reference? @DarkDisco, YES! It does feel like people bug me about sex than the average male bugs the average woman. I have had woman try to be all "sexy" and I have to push them away forcibly when they do not understand the simplest English word "no". I have even had men (homosexual obviously), bother me. I know religions exist that exalt celibacy, but I have yet to discover that myself. The religions I run into expect us to fuck like rabbits in the name of some g.o.d. (no offense to people that practice religion responsibly and respectfully). In response to you comment on "changing your mind", from my understanding of psychology and genetics, I am skeptical that there is such a thing. True, perhaps, some exceptions exist, but on mathematical average, people cannot change their orientation. I was once in a bad situation where I was trapped (literally) in a room with a "health care professional" being told to change my ways for a dead jewish carpenter and I can have Adderall (legal/medical amphetamine salts that I needed for medical reasons and not for abuse unlike my hard liquor) in exchange for agreeing to have sex with females. Obviously, I said what was needed to get out and ran to lawyers like a bat out of hell. He lost his license. I was happy, but became an alcoholic. There was no way I could even get my "equipment" up to impregnate a female for the amphetamines anyway. Probably, one thing that has not helped is the fact that I have not yet heard nor known any asexual that had it as bad as me. This probably makes my story sound unrealistic, but somebody needs to be the first to come out with the far extreme (although, hopefully rare) side of things. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 As a side note, on the Internet, is this the most active and popular asexual support site? Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 10 hours ago, Synephrine said: As a side note, on the Internet, is this the most active and popular asexual support site? I think so because I haven't seen any links to other sites. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted March 27, 2020 Share Posted March 27, 2020 18 hours ago, Synephrine said: yes, it sure can be toxic, literally and figuratively. I had not become a practicing alcoholic until I reached a breaking point. I have the alcohol under control, but what do you mean by taking a break from it? Also, I do not understand the the cake reference. I see it frequently on this website. Could you explain the reference? Well spending all your time dealing solely with people constantly invalidating your identity and trying to convince you that something is wrong can be really damaging emotionally, and taking a break from dealing with those people and doing something that genuinely makes you happy can do a lot of good for you. The cake has a couple of meanings. The first is simple “what welcomes someone to a community better than a cake especially for them?”, and the second is a joke “cake is better than sex”. Plus cake is also used for celebrations, or to show solidarity in certain circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 @Lichley , Thanks for explaining the cake reference. As for toxic people, now I understand what you are saying, but unfortunately, they seem to find me. It would be nice if I could keep them away. Link to post Share on other sites
will123 Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 4 hours ago, Lichley said: and the second is a joke “cake is better than sex”. Make mine chocolate... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 @will123 , pie is better, for your information, (^u^), although, pie is a slang term for sex, so maybe you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 It all happened to click for me - Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted March 29, 2020 Share Posted March 29, 2020 20 hours ago, Synephrine said: @will123 , pie is better, for your information, (^u^), although, pie is a slang term for sex, so maybe you are right. We also have pie, it’s just that cake is generally more popular Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted April 3, 2020 Share Posted April 3, 2020 On 3/26/2020 at 11:42 PM, Synephrine said: @Karret, I do not know if I am misunderstanding you comment, but having friends is not an issue nor what I was referring to. I was referring to the idea of sometimes thinking about having a platonic partner. Although, as greedy and selfish as I am, I do not know if that would be a great idea for anybody. Hmmm... The greed might be a problem, yeah. Even with best friends [which aren't like average friendships; best friends have a special bond which is what designates them as BEST friends not just friends], if you really value them, you'd occasionally give them gifts [shit like birthdays, christmases and the occasional "just because" gift] or do something to show you value their companionship. I've spent a fair amount on my best friend, and in return, she's spent a fair amount on me - not like... in a regimented sort of way, but just as like a genuine show of wanting to do nice things for each other. We've even done non-money based gift giving, like drawing each other's OCs. But yes, being greedy and selfish is liable to make the average person not want to invest too much into you. Unless you actually do invest in others and just haven't communicated that properly. Link to post Share on other sites
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