nerves about things

[smh]

Hello, I am both new to AVEN and a newly found ace (meaning I just figured out I'm ace like last week haha). So, my nerves are about telling people about my sexuality. I have a feeling they might not believe me, will ask too many questions that I don't know the answers to, or will want to go super in depth about how I figured this out. I'm definitely more introverted/like to keep a lot of things to myself. I know I don't have to tell people that I'm ace, but part of me wants to. Also, I never really think about telling people during the day, it only happens at like 11pm when I'm starting to wind down to go to bed (this happens with a lot of other things, not just when I'm trying to tell people something). 

If someone, or multiple people, could either give me advice or try to calm my nerves a little, that would be greatly appreciated!

 

Sorry if this is all over the place and doesn't make a lot of sense haha; my mind is kind of all over the place and I don't know how else to word this.

[Iam9man]

3 hours ago, smh said:

Also, I never really think about telling people during the day, it only happens at like 11pm when I'm starting to wind down to go to bed (this happens with a lot of other things, not just when I'm trying to tell people something). 

Sorry, I have no amazing advice, but just wanted to say I fully relate to this! If I hung around with people at 11pm everyone would know my orientation. Alas, I wake up in the morning and I’m like... nah 🤣

[Spent3YearsTyping]

Smh, I can relate surprisingly well. Personally, I think I’d eventually tell a few friends via texting them an ace meme. If you haven’t looked at ace memes ever, you have missed out. I am planning to wait a few years though as I’m pretty young and I want to see if my asexuality remains or if I fall into gray-ace. Good luck with whatever you do.

[gisiebob]

over stimulated thoughts at night are quite common.

 

 

you might try finding someone else you can talk to at night who also experiences this, if that isn't something too intimate to ask your friends about.

 

as far as discussing asexuality goes, just be honest about it. you are still exploring what the word means to you, and there's nothing wrong with that. it can feel really isolating, and that's ok.

 

[Rbella]

Hi,

I can relate to some degree. For me it was sort of a situation of bite the bullet after I’d been on a date. 

 

So, I texted one of my closest friends in the middle of one of the thought spirals. 

And her response was it’s ok, I mean the rant part and being asexual. So yeah, I am blessed for that reaction. Then it ended up in conversation with another friend who is fairly into the whole pda/ doing this and that and she was like, oh that’s cool. So yeah, it’s not really been as bad as I thought reaction wise but it made me feel better to have people who know so I can talk freely with them. It’s worth having the people to talk to. 

[Diana DeLuna]

On 3/20/2020 at 4:49 AM, Spent3YearsTyping said:

 I’d eventually tell a few friends via texting them an ace meme. If you haven’t looked at ace memes ever, you have missed out. 

Would it be a bother to ask for a link to some particularly "can't miss" ace memes? I love memes but rarely ever see them because I'm an oldster who doesn't seem to live where the memes do.

 

Plus I agree that would be a good soft intro to a possible future coming-out.

 

@smh, I just went through this around the New year. The way I started was to talk to my most trusted person (my sister) by reading her exactly what I read that first helped me open my eyes. So maybe casually show one person exactly what article or website you read or saw that caused your first Ace lightning bolt.

 

It's easier to show them some evidence that way instead of starting the discussion from scratch, which will put that dreaded pressure on you to give a bloody Ted Talk on a subject you barely know of yourself. No damn way was I in ANY kind of mental shape to make myself the Grand Master Guru of All 5001 Sacred Ways of Ace.

 

If it goes well with your first witness and you're brave, tell to a couple more people. Send them links! If they care, they'll at least attempt a minimal amount of self-education.

 

 

[Spent3YearsTyping]

12 hours ago, Diana DeLuna (IvoryBill) said:

Would it be a bother to ask for a link to some particularly "can't miss" ace memes? I love memes but rarely ever see them because I'm an oldster who doesn't seem to live where the memes do.

I literally get all my memes from google images so just type ‘asexual memes’ into the search bar, go on images and eternity awaits.

[MJ!]

Hey, welcome! I'm fairly new here too and I can definitely relate to what you're saying here, being introverted and wanting to tell people yet being ridiculously nervous about it.

As you acknowledged, there's no pressure from anyone except yourself to come out and when and where you do that is up to you. Take it at your own pace!

Personally, I've only told a few friends (late at night, haha) and I think it helped to have a conversation about it with them  before/after. Even if you don't know all the answers, you can refer them here or other similar websites- no one should expect you to know everything about this entire community!

But I think you just have to remind yourself that if you are comfortable with who you are, others who care about you will follow.

I hope this helps in some way, I've been stuck in this spiral many times before. If anything, you're never alone here :)