alli.gonerunning Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Hi everyone! First just wanted to say thank you for this awesome site 😊  Okay so I've struggled for-freaking-ever with social anxiety but it's been getting a lot better. I even have been on a few dates with guys. But I really, really, really do not want to have sex. I dont even want to kiss/makeout. Cuddling is nice except I always feel like the other person wants more and is holding back for my sake, wich I hate feeling.  So now I'm wondering...do I just not want physical relationships because I just dont, or do I want them but am so anxious I'm going to screw them up?? I've also struggled with body image and the like when I was an athlete, so that could be affecting it too.  I guess my question is, how do you tease apart sexuality from mental illness like anxiety?? Is it even possible? Am I just making excuses?  Thanks all 💛 also I love the cake pics, makes me so happy. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Howard Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 I doubt you will find someone qualified to diagnose you on this site. I know some anxiety medication causes a lower libido, so going on meds might not be helpful. Still, working on your anxiety, imo, is a good thing to do. You can always identify yourself as an ace for now and if you see it's not working out for you, just drop it. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 There are a lot of possibilities but we can't tell you what it is. Honestly, if I had just "been on a few dates" I wouldn't want sex, cuddling, kissing or anything. And I'm neither ace nor aromantic. I love all of the above with my wife, but "dating" never works for me because I can't develop those feelings as fast as anyone else and - as you describe - it feels like the other person is far more into it and holding back for my sake... I had to switch to only getting into serious relationships starting from friendship, so I skip the whole dating step completely. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 I wouldn't overthink it. If you don't want sex right now, whatever the reason, that's okay. Just try to relax about it and do what feels right to you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Chloe88 Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 The advice you have been given so far is very good so I won't add anything here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
henshin Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 Have you ever actually fancied someone / had romantic interest in them though? You can go on dates but that doesn't mean you will catch feelings for them 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 There is the desire to have sex and the desire to be social... but just do what is in your comfort zone. If you don't feel like having sex, don't force yourself to, but also if you do, don't fight it. Just do what feels right, don't worry about it too much. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karret Posted March 22, 2020 Share Posted March 22, 2020 My best friend gets socially anxious. But she also has said numerous times that she wants a boyfriend, and that's like a dream for her. She's just kind of written it off because something about it really makes her anxious and worried. I don't know how she feels about sex, but I don't think she's averse to the idea of it if she were to snag herself a boyfriend. I can't say for sure, I haven't asked and that seems kinda like.. too personal, and I don't really want to know just so I can go compare her experience to others'... but, she's made a comment before about how she'd screw her male OCs years ago. She's definitely at least romantic though, because she does want a boyfriend and gets rather listless about the idea of not having one and because of her temperament and anxiety has kinda given up on that hope. But I think the deciding factor is... even if it's hidden/blocked behind a wall of anxiety, is there still a desire to have sex? That might help determine whether something is stopping you from participating or whether you don't want to participate in the first place. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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