Violivia Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 I think I know that I am aro ace. However, if I weren't I would probably be a lesbian. I guess I'm less repulsed by a girl and have only had squishes on girls (except one). Is that a thing? 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
letusdeleteouraccounts Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 Yeah, I like to keep it at [whatever] oriented aro ace. I’m a gay oriented aro ace. I’m technically not “gay” as I have no innate desire to date or have sexual experiences but I know that if I were to express the full extent of my feelings and other attractions that aren’t romantic/sexual, I would likely get called gay or receive the question of “aren’t you ace?” from the people that know that I’m aro ace. Take that how you will in relation to yourself Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 What you describe is a thing, but I'm not sure I would refer to it as lesbianism in any way. It's gonna confuse folks if you mean it in any way other than "I am/identify as female and desire relationships with other females" 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 gay or bi/pan aro ace here too, that's if i had any 'motivation to orientate' Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alto Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 I consider myself Aro spec and straight. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted March 19, 2020 Share Posted March 19, 2020 4 hours ago, Philip027 said: What you describe is a thing, but I'm not sure I would refer to it as lesbianism in any way. It's gonna confuse folks if you mean it in any way other than "I am/identify as female and desire relationships with other females" 1. And what about the lesbian continuum? 2. More seriously: I may not be the expert on that because I just can't see a Fundamental Difference between romantic and platonic feelings. Difference? - sure, but not something which would define orientation. To me it's more a matter of preference (enjoying vs. not enjoying "doing romantic things" is for me more like a preference, not an orientation divider). And it's certainly a continuum, in the sense that nobody's feelings are the same as anyone else's feelings and there is an infinity of shades between "romantic" and "platonic". But, on the other hand, I know from reading that there are people who consider themselves aromantic, but desire a close relationship - just more on the "platonic" side. If two women are in a relationship, but think of each other more like "super closest, intimate friends" rather than "sweethearts", how does it look to the outside world? Certainly, there is next to no visible difference between sex-including and non-sexual relationships, for a few simple reasons such as the fact that people usually don't have sex in public. There might be some noticeable difference between a "romantic" couple and a "platonic" couple*, but exactly in case of women it's well-known that our culture allows women to be affectionate towards each other even if being "just friends". (If anything, I would probably look like "just friends" even if in a relationship - I'm moderately touch-averse and never kiss my friends or family members. I just prefer verbal contact and feel no need to touch other people. If I feel very close to someone, I just get comfortable with hugging.) So I wouldn't exclude the possibility that a platonic relationship of two women could be "read" by the outside world as lesbian. *But it still doesn't always work, I know it from experience. I have a friend who is: male, gay, and 15 years younger than me (!!) - and still I was asked if he's my boyfriend!!! I was very uncomfortable with that because I'd hate to be perceived as heterosexual and also... I like him, but to be honest, he's not the most intelligent person around and he constantly looks as if he was stoned. But anyway - even if we clearly behaved like buddies, we were at least once "read" as a couple. Maybe in this case it's a result of heteronormativity - the widespread idea that two people of different genders can't be "just friends" and so, it seems, a woman and a man might be perceived as a romantic couple even if they clearly don't behave like that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
henshin Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 20 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said: 1. And what about the lesbian continuum? 2. More seriously: I may not be the expert on that because I just can't see a Fundamental Difference between romantic and platonic feelings. Difference? - sure, but not something which would define orientation. To me it's more a matter of preference (enjoying vs. not enjoying "doing romantic things" is for me more like a preference, not an orientation divider). I disagree quite fundamentally. There is a huge difference between romantic and platonic feelings that have nothing to do with stereotypes of romantic activities. It is the difference between being in love with someone and just loving them. Being in love has all kinds of emotional and psychological components that loving a friend doesn't have. You may as well be saying that there's no difference between sexuals and asexuals because both of them can have partnered sex. Pretty sure the reason we have this site is that this is not true. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
henshin Posted March 20, 2020 Share Posted March 20, 2020 On 3/18/2020 at 10:40 PM, Violivia said: I think I know that I am aro ace. However, if I weren't I would probably be a lesbian. I guess I'm less repulsed by a girl and have only had squishes on girls (except one). Is that a thing? What does 'except one' mean? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
acingthis Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 i feel the same way. as far as i know, i'm aro ace, but have had squishes and close friendships primarily with women. sometimes i get really intense with these feelings, though, and can't tell if i like a squish romantically, or i'm just really platonically in love with them? do you feel the same? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 On 3/20/2020 at 12:03 AM, henshin said: What does 'except one' mean? Possibly ‘except one’ in this case having had just one regular ‘crush’ or a romance while all others can be ‘squish’ experiences. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 On 3/20/2020 at 1:03 AM, henshin said: I disagree quite fundamentally. There is a huge difference between romantic and platonic feelings that have nothing to do with stereotypes of romantic activities. It is the difference between being in love with someone and just loving them. Being in love has all kinds of emotional and psychological components that loving a friend doesn't have. Could you elaborate a bit? I'm honestly curious. From your point of view, how is 'being in love' different from loving a friend - when you leave aside the fact that you're physically drawn to the person in question? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
henshin Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 3 hours ago, kiaroskuro said: Could you elaborate a bit? I'm honestly curious. From your point of view, how is 'being in love' different from loving a friend - when you leave aside the fact that you're physically drawn to the person in question? I mean it may be different for other people but being in love for me can involve any and all of the following which i dont feel for friends. - wanting to hang out together all day every day, like for years at a time - wanting intense emotional intimacy - supporting them (and vice versa) financially, emotionally and socially - feeling physical sensations related to my emotional state about them - thinking all of their parts are gorgeous - wanting them to know me better than anyone else - wanting to provide for them - being physically attracted to them / thinking they're hot - investing in them being the best person they can be and expecting that in return Idk probably more. Its hard to articulate things i only feel. But i have been in love with people and fallen out of love with them and then loved them as a friend. Its different because its about a need for all forms of intimacy i guess. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted March 25, 2020 Share Posted March 25, 2020 Thanks a lot for your detail reply, @henshin. I’m just interested in other people’s definition of romance, leaving aside those stereotypical ‘romantic activities’. @Violivia, you said you are less repulsed by girls – so doesn’t that imply that you are repulsed by them, only to a lesser degree? I have to agree with @Philip027 here, that doesn’t sound very lesbian to me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted March 28, 2020 Share Posted March 28, 2020 yeah, it might be helpful to think of a would/wouldn't/won't sort of chart and jot down some of the things that come to mind when you think of relationships ('wouldn't' being stuff you wouldn't do or want but would participate with someone who you cared about who did want those things) you could take that chart and imagine it came from a different person, and think about what words would best communicate that person to others Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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