vikingo Posted November 18, 2006 Share Posted November 18, 2006 I think that a "couple" is made up of many relationships between the two in the couple. Relationships pertaining to physical and mental apects of the two and handled between the two by psychology of the couple and the two individuals both having adapted somewhat to the rules of conduct of their respective backgrounds. Both go into this heaven or hell with a set expectations and values. "Life" isn't a static condition so over time expectations may develop in some direction. I think that many burned out relationships starts with malfunctioning communication about exactly this. Technically seen it is relatively easy to handle this provided the required openness and commication skills are present. Easy because it is relations between yourself and your environment. The difficulty in handling asexuality in my case is because I feel it is relations inside myself which need some maintenance. I also need to feel existing in closeness to other people. The curse of asexuality makes this difficult to me, and leaves me with what some days feels like emptiness and other days feels like a big warm lump of unresolved love. Thats also my background for frequenting AVEN. Even if I am not a RMS AVENite I feel that we listen to and learn from eachother. Some days I take some days I give. Thanks for letting me use your time ;) Link to post Share on other sites
mindlife Posted November 25, 2006 Share Posted November 25, 2006 Oh, I think we are both blessed and cursed. This is our channel, and so we flow in it. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted November 26, 2006 Share Posted November 26, 2006 Yah know, everyone is both blessed and cursed. People in sexual relationships are getting sex (which they crave) and / or are in "relationships" (without which they would feel lost & needy), but they are not all happy either. They might be in an abusive relationship, or their lover might be cheating, or they might have a drug problem totally unrelated to the relationship, or they might have money problems, or health problems... Yah know, nobody's life is perfect. There are far worse states in life than being asexual. I consider myself lucky to not have to put up with anyone else's crap. I put up with nasty co-workers 9 to 5, but then I can come home to peace & quiet, play with the cat, read my Fortean Times, and turn on my computer to talk to you guys! Link to post Share on other sites
Islander9 Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Greybird made the very good point (because I hadnt quite articulated it to myself before!) that people who dont *feel* quite the same way as most humans have to *intellectualise* (and imagine) how to behave in lots of social situations (hope I havent mangled your words Greybird.) I am really good at imagining people,creating characters, finding my way in the shadow worlds. I am piss-poor at being at ease with strangers (unless they have disclosed something of themselves beforehand) and ratshit at being in crowds... but I get on just fine with all my family group, my friends, and in tribal situations. So, I voted bottom line eh? Link to post Share on other sites
sakura_alice Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 a curse because the people I may get a crush on will more than likely not understand the predicament, and it may end on an unhappy note, breaking both our hearts. a blessing because no std's! lol! I really think spending time together doing things that require you to think more (whether it's sports or art or just having a conversation) instead of having crazy animal sex is more rewarding because during that time spent you learn more and more about the other person. Link to post Share on other sites
Melly06 Posted December 20, 2006 Share Posted December 20, 2006 In many ways I currently think of it as a blessing. In some ways, though, I think it contributed to me not fitting in very well socially. I also am hoping to find a companion eventually who'll be okay with our relationship being non-sexual, and so far, I haven't met many guys in person who wanted that sort of relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 You're right Melly. It's mostly a blessing... mostly. But it's not perfect... people all around me are still plotting to marry me off to the first masculine individual that walks by... Sheesh. Will they please let me concentrate on my lifelong goal of being an old spinster with 20 cats! Link to post Share on other sites
secretstar Posted December 21, 2006 Share Posted December 21, 2006 With me it is a little bit of both. It is more of a blessing now that I have figured everything out in my life. The curse though is all the heartbreak and weirdness that it took for me to figure my sexuality out. I would have just liked to know early on. I guess I needed those experiences to figure out who I was though. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted December 22, 2006 Share Posted December 22, 2006 Yeah... that's right. It's a little of both. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 Although it may seem a good thing to realise early that you're asexual - and I spent too many years and lots of heartach trying to fit in - on the other hand, I don't have people saying to me that I might like it if I tried it! Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted December 23, 2006 Share Posted December 23, 2006 That is true. It's better to just know before & during those wonderful teenage years, "Okay, so you're asexual, that's why all you're friends are boy crazy and you still like horses!" Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 25, 2006 Share Posted December 25, 2006 Blessing...definitely. If there's any curse involved it's that you lose friends eventually but that's more THEIR curse than mine, right? Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted December 26, 2006 Share Posted December 26, 2006 That's right. Link to post Share on other sites
lloyd_baker Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 My asexuality was definitely a curse because I was conditioned not to accept it and never came anywhere near accepting it until very recently (at 60). Trying to "prove" I could be sexual with alcohol assist was a real curse! Divorce, bankruptcy, chaos, etc. . . So, given the way I handled it, asexuality was definitely a curse. Had I accepted it very early without a sense of inferiority to react against, it may have been a blessing. There is certainly plenty of chaos caused by excessive libido amongst the highly sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 The only way I can count it as a curse is that I lose friends as long as they have someone to screw or a potential. If, when my friends went into heat they would still call me and go for lunch and such WITHOUT their parasitic other then it wouldn't be a curse at all. Asexuality to me is a blessing, pure and simple. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 That is so true. The minute my friends find a boyfriend, you don't hear from them until they break up, then the telephone rings, and they are in tears... "Oh! He left me!" Then they find someone else & the cycle begins again... Link to post Share on other sites
Ziffler Posted February 3, 2007 Author Share Posted February 3, 2007 thylacine wrote:Then they find someone else & the cycle begins again... Ain't that the truth! I get so tired of the same cycle over and over and over again. We have a lot of teenagers working at the grocery that I work at, let alone my teen nephews and nieces. :D :D :D Link to post Share on other sites
Placebo Posted February 3, 2007 Share Posted February 3, 2007 That is so true. The minute my friends find a boyfriend, you don't hear from them until they break up, then the telephone rings, and they are in tears... "Oh! He left me!" Then they find someone else & the cycle begins again... Which makes me wonder: why don't they ever dump HIM? Link to post Share on other sites
feef Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 As I don't believe in a divine god that has a plan for us, I can't say it is a blessing or a curse. Only what society and the people around me make of it. I have never been persecuted because of it, but lack of understanding on the subject of not wanting sex gets my toes stepped on all the time. Of course, I'm not out to everybody I know, because I'm happy, and have support from that do know. It's going to make having a romantic life harder, because it cuts your number of people with compatible sexuality done to, well. 1-5%. At the same time, if somebody is understanding of your sexuality and still wants a relationship, it's a very good feeling. The people around me don't make it a curse or a blessing, which is the only way I'd have it. It's distressing alot of the time to know I'm intrinsically different than other people, that's it is not just our experience that makes us different, but it's who I am so I'm okay. (Older Asexuals forum, but I'm a young one if that matters.)[/url] Link to post Share on other sites
JohnnyGuitar Posted February 5, 2007 Share Posted February 5, 2007 For me it is a bit of both. These days I am at peace with myself but as I came to terms with my asexuality through several relationships with women I loved and who loved me (and I crave emotional part of the relationship) it was pretty much a tormenting expirience. For example, for a long time I thought I was simply impotent. It was when I made the difference between wanting a woman emotionally and not wanting her physically that I got on the right track. The up part of being asexual is being completelly devoid of sexual thoughts. Now it simply does not bother me at all. The downside part of it is so far it prevented me for having a full emotional but sexless relationship with women I loved. Link to post Share on other sites
Tanwen Posted February 6, 2007 Share Posted February 6, 2007 That is true. It's better to just know before & during those wonderful teenage years, "Okay, so you're asexual, that's why all you're friends are boy crazy and you still like horses!" I loved horses to, though I was 21 before I got my own (then 18 months later he fell on me and did a pretty good job of rearranging my left arm and shoulder) Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 I don't have a problem with being asexual -- everyone else in my life has a problem with it though! "Why aren't you married? We gotta get you married! I'm gonna find you a husband! You need someone to take care of you!" Shut the f--- up! Link to post Share on other sites
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