How does feel to be an Asexual man?

[Zero_2]

I'm really curious to learn about the life experiences of Asexual guys/men. The idea would come up in my mind at times. I would find myself wishing if I was. thinking it would be simpler to live like that, but i know that the grass isn't greener on the other side. And i don't want to continue making false judgments, and wishing if i had someone else's sexuality rather that just dealing with my own. So please feel free to share. I really look forward to knowing more about you. 

 

So, what's it like? Was it hard to accept? Do you wish if it was different? Did it make you feel less like a man growing up? How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

 

These are some specific questions but feel free to just talk about what ever details you deem important. 

 

Ps: i'm not interested in the female experience because i don't have a working frame of reference to women's sexuality and how it works, so learning about Asexual women wouldn't really make sense to me. 

 

But if you're a woman and you have something insightful to share, then feel free. 

 

 

[Verb]

This thread might interest you:

 

 

For the questions you specifically mentioned:

 

Was it hard to accept?

Not really; I'd spent so long totally convinced that I was alone in the world, the only guy on earth who wasn't interested in sex, that when I eventually found my way to AVEN it was a huge relief.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

Sometimes I think it would be more straightforward (no pun intended) if things were different. But if my Fairy Cakemother showed up to grant that wish, I don't think I'd take her up on the offer. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I know that life will always have its problems no matter who you are. Better the devil you know.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

I've always had a very definite sense of myself, but that has never really been connected to this idea of "being a man". I'm much happier just being me.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them?

They're pretty cool dudes.

In a lot of ways it's easier to socialise with women, because there's (usually) not the fear of having to discuss sexual conquests. Not that that actually happens with my male friends either, but still.

[Koning]

If I were a sexual man, it would likely be easier to continue and stumble upon a partner on the way. When a girl shared interest in me (hasn't happened too often) and I felt like it could continue into something sexual, it simply felt really stressful. I just wouldn't have known what to do if I had eventually gotten into the situation that I had to "satisfy her needs". Continuously putting myself into a situation in my mind in which I had to "fake it" and "get it hard", made me feel rather sick (in a literal sense). By this, I don't necessarily mean the image of me having sex, but simply the fact that there was no way in which I could have done it "naturally". It's basically a frustration of failing at something you really want to be able to do. It made me feel like a failure in that sense.

[Save4Ace]

For me, it was a bit hard to accept. It took awhile for me to realize I was outside the attraction spectrum (not straight and not gay, so what am I) Growing up as a male person, looking back at least, there is a lot of pressure to be in a relationship and date. I'm sure this is the case for women as well, but the societal expectations are different for different reasons. 

I don't wish it was different, it gives me some sort of comfort knowing there are other people who have the same experiences, and this helps sometimes with my anxiety toward the topic. It sucked though when my parents would as if I'm hiding something from them (being in a relationship) when I would hang out with my friends often. I'm sure they thought I was gay for awhile

I didn't feel like less of a man, but when I was in high school, before I cam out, I remember having this thought that my dad might wish he had a son to play sports with and talk about relationships. 

I have a lot of close female friends, and I love them. But I can't register the sexual or romantic attraction to them. I have more issues figuring out my attraction to men than to women. 

TL;DR, I still struggle with where I sit in the spectrum. I remember quote, unquote "dating" in high school and not feeling anything from it, when the women were clearly interested. And now It is hard to separate romantic and aesthetic attraction towards men. 

[Rhyn Corinn]

While I can't speak for all asexual males, I will share with you my own personal experience.

 

It wasn't hard at all for me to accept being asexual; that was more or less something I'd always known but just didn't have the word for, but as for realizing how sexual the world was...that wasn't easy. Sometimes I still feel a little bit out of place, but I can't say I've ever wished to be different than I am. If anything, I just wished I lived in a world that felt more like home to me. Thankfully, ever since learning about asexuality, and finding the AVEN community, I feel much more like I've found a place to belong. 

 

As for whether or not I feel less like a man, well...that one's a little complicated. As my profile says, I'm cisgender male, and have always identified that way. However, I can say that when it comes to stereotypical personality traits and such, I have a lot more in common with women. While I don't identify as female or want to be a woman myself, I would much rather spend time with a group of girls than with a group of guys. I've never been much for gender-specific gatherings for this reason; when I'm with an all-male group, they tend to act more like stereotypical guys, and I just don't relate well to those interests/personalities. That's not to say I can't get along with men at all--I have several male friends--but I can't seem to connect with them as well. But with a group of females, I usually feel more relaxed. I guess it's probably because the way I experience/express emotions is more feminine?

 

Well, I guess that's all I have to say. I hope that answered your questions!

[LeChat]

1 hour ago, Zero_2 said:

...So, what's it like? Was it hard to accept? Do you wish if it was different? Did it make you feel less like a man growing up? How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them?...

 

Ps: i'm not interested in the female experience because i don't have a working frame of reference to women's sexuality and how it works, so learning about Asexual women wouldn't really make sense to me...

Since I saw one of your posts, where you said you were heterosexual, I thought it might be helpful/interesting for you and other sexuals who are new to the forums, to know that asexual people of all genders, whether they're romantic, aromantic, young, older, etc., experience(d) similar feelings, growing up.

 

I've come across several posts, from people of all genders, ages, etc., where their feelings were exactly what I went through and how I felt, growing up.

 

A lack of sexual attraction is a lack of sexual attraction, regardless of a person's gender. Those who feel romantic attraction feel/go through similar things; aromantic, asexual people who don't feel romantic, nor sexual attraction are similar, etc. 

 

 

[Janus the Fox]

Not hard to accept and indifferent to the asexual man experience.

[Lord Jade Cross]

Well, to be fair, I only identified as ace in recent years as I didn't know the term existed. Before it, I just felt wrong . At first it made perfect sense and it seemed to lift the burden of feeling broken that had otherwise plagued me. 

 

I don't strongly identify as ace now, though for all practical purposes, I'm still effectively asexual or at least asexual-like because I still cannot see myself sexually involved with someone despite in some regards wanting to, or at least many years of trying unsuccessfully to understand sex but ultimately failing. Heck even today, the idea that people have sex as an everyday thing is still mind boggling to me. But I suppose that it can't be helped in some regards

 

As for difficulties, the usual segregation from others because I wasn't into sex, which still happens today. Since I grew up being solitary, I believe it doesn't cause too much harm as compared to other cases I've seen. But the mocking remains the same as when younger,  I've just learned to  navigate it a bit better by liying about sexual experiences.

 

Regarding women, I've had enough chase me to be vigilant about their actions and respond quickly to shut down any ideas or hopes that may arise about me being a suitable candidate for a partner.

 

I don't hate women or anything like that, don't get me wrong; but I don't see myself ever becoming someone's partner and my ideals on life pretty much make sure that no one will.

 

Not to mention that even if  through some astronomical event I suddenly changed and that particular scenario happen, the desired results would be doomed to fail from the get go anyways on account of me not having sexual interests. So either way it's seen, it's not a good idea all around.

 

 

 

 

[Anthracite_Impreza]

7 hours ago, Zero_2 said:

So, what's it like?

Err, me. I really have no other frame of reference other than having to fight for my gender to be respected since I'm trans.

 

Was it hard to accept?

Nope.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

Sex repulsed, big nope.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

I had far more obvious things making me feel less of a man growing up, sexuality didn't even enter the frame. It still doesn't.

 

How do you feel about women?

They are humans.

 

Are you indifferent?

Yes.

 

Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

Uber-feminine people and me don't jive at all, but in general I can get on with any gender if they're dorky enough.

 

[Zero_2]

6 hours ago, LeChat said:

Since I saw one of your posts, where you said you were heterosexual, I thought it might be helpful/interesting for you and other sexuals who are new to the forums, to know that asexual people of all genders, whether they're romantic, aromantic, young, older, etc., experience(d) similar feelings, growing up.

 

I've come across several posts, from people of all genders, ages, etc., where their feelings were exactly what I went through and how I felt, growing up.

 

A lack of sexual attraction is a lack of sexual attraction, regardless of a person's gender. Those who feel romantic attraction feel/go through similar things; aromantic, asexual people who don't feel romantic, nor sexual attraction are similar, etc.

 

I hear what you're saying. 

 

But by that logic me and heterosexual girl would havd the same experience, but when ever i listen to their experiences, i realize how vastly different it is. Sometimes it doesn't even feel like we're after the same thing. It's a different experience than mine, one that i can't really relate to that much. 

 

So yes, there's definitely a difference in the experience from one gender to another. Maybe in Asexuals it's smaller? But i still think there's 100% a considerable difference. 

 

One small example would be that, guys are considered hypersexual. So i know that people would be a bit more judgemental when they learn that a guy is not interested in sex. 

[Zero_2]

8 hours ago, Verb said:

This thread might interest you:

 

 

Do you wish if it was different?

Sometimes I think it would be more straightforward (no pun intended) if things were different. But if my Fairy Cakemother showed up to grant that wish, I don't think I'd take her up on the offer. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I know that life will always have its problems no matter who you are. Better the devil you know.

  I totally agree with you, it's better to just deal with the cards that you were dealt. 

 

And you seem like you've found a positive way to look at things. I respect that! 

[Zero_2]

7 hours ago, CBC said:

I'm not a guy (or asexual), but I was in a relationship with an asexual heteroromantic man for a number of years. I can't answer all your questions on his behalf, but as far as some of them...

 

I don't think it was hard for him to accept, no, but I do think he wishes he wasn't asexual (or at least used to) because he's not aromantic. Obviously you've got a much higher chance of having a successful romantic relationship if you're sexual like 99% of the population is.

 

As for women, he's always gotten along better with women than men in terms of platonic friendships. He's a pretty guyish guy in many ways (but still a well-rounded person as a whole), but seems to connect better with women. The vast majority of the women he's been close to to any degree have been entirely platonic connections, no romantic interest at all, but if I recall correctly he's had about four or five crushes (plus me; I'm the only partner he's ever had). From what he's expressed, I know it often bums him out that trying to be friendly with a woman can be seen as hitting on her (not unreasonably so, and he understands that), and he's become a bit hypervigilant about trying not to seem like a creep. Even though he isn't aromantic, he's never actively sought out a romantic relationship with someone and has only experienced romantic interest in people he's been good friends with first, so he's basically never made any sort of move on a random woman or a casual acquaintance in his life and is only ever looking to make friends. He seems pretty cynical about guy friends, although he's still had a few over the years. He seems to think he can't connect well with other men and that they're mostly kind of boring... which I don't really understand, because I've had connections with guys who are interesting, smart, insightful, funny, capable of emotional depth (often more in the sense that I know it's there even if they don't express it too openly, haha), etc. 
 

Dunno if any of that is helpful. 🤷🏼‍♀️

That's definitely helpful, thank you for writing that experience. 

[Zero_2]

8 hours ago, Koning said:

If I were a sexual man, it would likely be easier to continue and stumble upon a partner on the way. When a girl shared interest in me (hasn't happened too often) and I felt like it could continue into something sexual, it simply felt really stressful. I just wouldn't have known what to do if I had eventually gotten into the situation that I had to "satisfy her needs". Continuously putting myself into a situation in my mind in which I had to "fake it" and "get it hard", made me feel rather sick (in a literal sense). By this, I don't necessarily mean the image of me having sex, but simply the fact that there was no way in which I could have done it "naturally". It's basically a frustration of failing at something you really want to be able to do. It made me feel like a failure in that sense.

I can imagine how that must've felt. Sorry to hear about that man. 

[MetricalSky]

I'll try to answer as best I can, but I have an aromantic ace perspective. I can't speak for alloromantic asexuals (or really anyone other than myself, for that matter).

 

So, what's it like?

I dunno, it just feels like life? Like, I get up, eat, work, relax, and sleep just like anybody else. I don't think it's any simpler just because I come home to an empty flat at the end of the day.

 

Was it hard to accept?

It wasn't hard at all for me to accept, but it was somewhat hard for me to discover. I pin that on the fact I'm also aromantic and never been in a relationship, so the opportunity for sex (and thus to discover that I wasn't interested in sex) has never really presented itself. (Hell, it's because of that that I still question from time to time whether I'm ace or demi.) Instead it was a slow realization that I just wasn't interested in dating that clued me in to the fact I might be aro ace.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

It would certainly make it easier to compare my life to my peers' – a lot of friends and coworkers my age are getting married and having children, while I'm just living my single life – but no, I wouldn't change anything.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

Ehhh.... I readily admit that I'm a nerd, so I've never been a fan of the Manly Man™ stereotype in the first place. But I was also pretty oblivious to sex and relationships as a teenager, and I didn't come to the realization that I'm aro ace until well after I had already grown up.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

I mean, romantic relationships were never going to be in the cards, but I have plenty of good friends that are women and I feel just as connected to them as to any of my male friends.

[Low End Things]

Sure, I'll bite. I'm a hetero-romantic male ace. 

 

So, what's it like?

Long before I knew what asexuality was, I didn't care for sex or relationships and only started to pursue them because peer pressure. There's intense pressure when you're a kid, particularly going to school in not-the-best areas of the city, to get into relationships ASAP. I've never been the kind of person to conform to other's expectations but goddamn was it hard to stick to my guns in school, from elementary all the way up to late high school. I had very few friends and every day I couldn't wait for the day I'd finish high school and leave the city for college (yes, I seriously was thinking about this for these reasons why back then). Once I got to college and had much more freedom in choosing my friends it became much easier and stopped mattering so much in my life. 

 

I'm 29 now (technically 28 but my birthday's in a few days) and present very clearly as male so most people around me assume I'm straight, which is fine with me because the average person doesn't need to know my business.

 

Was it hard to accept?

When it was time, no not at all. I had tried to be "straight" and be in relationships and failed miserably, so this was the next logical conclusion. It did feel incredibly reassuring when I accepted it, though.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

Most of the time, no. I spent a LOT of time in self-reflection to get to the point where I truly care for myself. This only changes when relationships come up. It sucks knowing that most women I meet, who I'll have a deep emotional connection with, are fundamentally incompatible with me because I know from experience I can't have sex with them. 

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

Only now, looking back, did I realize this to be the case. There was an extremely clear idea of masculinity when I was growing up, and it was obviously I didn't fit in with it. I couldn't explain it either at the time which sucked.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

At the risk of sounding weird, I love women. I'm very much not indifferent and I have had far more close female friends than male growing up (this has only begun to level out in the past year as I accepted my asexuality). 

[Twisted Tempest]

What's it like?

I'm happy with it. My family and friends are happy with it. Thats what matters the most I feel. Outside of that you get the dumb people who give you the whole "Asexuality doesn't exist" schtick and I've also been told "Men can't be asexual, only women" but I just laugh at that. It's stupid. 

 

Was it hard to accept?

It wasn't at all hard to accept, it's all I've ever known. Like the moment from the moment I was able to comprehend sexuality, I knew I wanted nothing to do with that. I've never thought I was anything else. 

 

Do you wish it was different?

No. Not at all. 

 

Did it make you feel like less of a man?

Nope. I'm completely indifferent to my own gender, and don't care if people want to call me a man, woman or whatever else. So feeling manly isn't something I'm interested in anyways. 

 

How do you feel about women?

Most of my friends are women, and they're all wonderful people. However I'd say the same about my male friends too. I have no problem with anyone as long as they're willing to accept who I am. In my experience at least, women tend to be more accepting of my sexuality and my problems, but I'm not trying to generalize here. I'm just saying out of the collection of people I've met. 

[Homer]

I don't do "labels", so make of this what you will...

 

On 3/9/2020 at 9:37 PM, Zero_2 said:

So, what's it like?

I don't think it has an impact on my life. To me it's just one of umpteen things I'm not interested in and as such, I don't think about it very often. Sure, sometimes there are things I don't understand and I'll have to find an analogy to get what's going on. Other than that, not wanting to bang is about as impactful as not wanting to figure skate. Heck, my hatred for pineapple is more significant than my stance on sex.

 

On 3/9/2020 at 9:37 PM, Zero_2 said:

Was it hard to accept?

It has too little of an impact on my life to need acceptance. I'm not a people person, so any need to connect to others that isn't there is very welcome. 

 

On 3/9/2020 at 9:37 PM, Zero_2 said:

Do you wish if it was different?

No. Why would I? It fits me pretty well. All that "wishing to be different" does is dwelling on stuff you can't change anyway. Maybe it would be different if I were interested in romance... we'll probably never know

 

On 3/9/2020 at 9:37 PM, Zero_2 said:

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

I've never been a super duper Manly McDudebro to begin with, so... no. Appearing manly is not something I care about at all.

 

On 3/10/2020 at 6:49 AM, MetricalSky said:

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

Most of my closer friends are women. I think that not wanting to bang (and a certain level of credibility in that regard) actually helped me establish deeply personal and intimate relationships. We can talk about all kinds of stuff, everyday things, relationship issues, sex-related things... and it's totally relaxed because they know that I won't use my knowledge to pimp my thoughts later that night. 

 

There are people I find attractive though - and I can see why others might want to sleep with them. I just don't want to

[Phantasmal Fingers]

😎 as fcuk! 

[Howard]

So, what's it like?

Hard for me to answer as I have no other references to my life. I'm content about it, I suppose.

 

Was it hard to accept?

I found out about asexuality only 8 years ago through wikipedia which listed AVEN in their bibliography. Being single at the time (and still am), and that for a long time, it was very easy to accept. Finaly I found an online community of people like me.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

Nope. I can't miss what I don't know.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

Yes. Out of peer pressure and wantin to fit in a mold, I had hypersexual behaviors from age 14 to 24. I mean by that I would have sex with whomever wanted to, no matter the gender, even if I felt no attraction. Consent was my only parameter. At 24, being accepted by my peers became so much less important and stopped such behavior. Though I dated a few times for the next 20 years, I lived alone and must have had sexual relations in that time half as much than from puberty to my mid 20s simply because I lost interest.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

I find it slightly more difficult to connect with women than men but I do have a minority of female friends that I like very much. They are able to provide me with different perspectives that I get with men.

[Lord Jade Cross]

19 hours ago, Arodash said:

 

My stance on women is.... well I dont date anymore even though I am romantic, 3 cheated on me because I "wouldnt put out" and my last one was rather emotionally and sexually abusive towards me. Made many dispariging remarks about how I dont have sex and what not. I have been met with many things like "but your a guy" or "all guys want is sex" now. All of that being said, my best friends are, women,  My most supportive friends are women, they let me shed my stoic persona and talk about my deepest emotions without judgement.

I think, well hope that the idea that guy = wants nothing but sex, becomes something that dies out because, even in non romantic/sexual interest scenarios, I've seen/heard many (not all of course) women default to the same logic, at times altering their approach because of this.

 

When younger, I found myself more drawn to women than men because at least back then, it didn't feel like I had to keep up this facade of the macho sex crazed guy which others seemed desperate to uphold. That changed over time unfortunately and even with women whom had no interest in me, the ideal still surfaced that "if he's a guy and doesn't want sex, he's either lying, gay or cheating", which made me retract from sharing any ideals with women to the point where I try to not get into anything remotely sexual in a conversation. And I think that's a shame because I would hope that you can talk to anyone men or women about things without fear of being judged if your views don't particularly line up with what's considered standard.

 

 

 

 

[Philip027]

It's whatever.  Kind of alienating from my own sex, but honestly I think even if I were sexual I'd still not feel like most guys, so not really sure I can blame the aceness for that.

 

Quote

Was it hard to accept? Do you wish if it was different? Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

None of the above

 

Quote

How do you feel about women?

I've looked primarily toward them as potential friends, companions, partners, etc. ever since intermediate/high school age due to aforementioned alienation from males.

[Guest]

Was it hard to accept?

 

Quite the contrary, it was good to find out that there's a name for it. Prior to that I didn't really think about it as it was just the way I've always been, plus I never fit in anyway, so what difference does it make?

 

Do you wish if it was different?

 

No, it's good to be able to move around under my own power rather than getting towed around by an invisible chain, if you catch my drift.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

 

I avoid that image as it carries a lot of expectations I cannot and will not try to live up to, and negative connotations. It's bad enough that people are inclined to think I'm potentially dangerous and must be dealt with as such simply because I'm male.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them?

 

One could say there's a disconnect because almost no one knows me, and women are less likely to come anywhere near me for reasons listed above, or perhaps because of a jealous SO whose suspicions have no foundation. I find certain ones fairly pleasant to look at, but it *rarely* goes beyond that. There was a girl I felt really strongly about a very long time ago, but that still didn't cross over into sex. If it wasn't for having narrowly missed out on her I probably wouldn't care to ever have a relationship at all; instead I'm stuck thinking about what could have been to this day and that I got cheated somehow and that probably not even God could beat that. Not that he would anyway, he's no genie.

[newgirl]

  Asexual WOMAN here

 

 I'm raising my hand with a question for asexual men ESPECIALLY  born before 1972.

 

Should asexual women who want an  asexual boyfriend or husband  give up on asexual men?  For the last 16 rears on Aven , I mostly hear asexual men not wanting a girlfriend or wife,  or say they want  a girlfriend or wife but really don't. It's only RARE that an asexual man really want  a girlfriend or wife.

 

 

[Jugo]

On 3/9/2020 at 8:37 PM, Zero_2 said:

So, what's it like? Was it hard to accept? Do you wish if it was different? Did it make you feel less like a man growing up? How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

Just less to no sex or lack of interest in sex. For me, other people found it harder to accept than I did, probably because we live in such a sexualised society and asexuality isn’t that well known compared to the other sexualities. And no I didn’t and don’t feel like less of a man because of it. Honestly, it’s weird to consider that not thinking about or having sex can make a guy less of a man in some people’s eyes. And I can acknowledge when someone is good-looking, but that’s it. Honestly, I find it weird when people look at or talk about someone in a sexual way; it’s kind of like that person has gone from being seen as a person to an object. But that’s just how I feel about it.  

[RobL2415]

So, what's it like?

I've really had a hard time finding sex to be enjoyable. It doesn't seem pleasant shoving your bits into a vagina. That's not the kind of fun I'm into. I'm not aroused by porn, but I have a huge fetish for tight clothing. I get turned on easily by that stuff, but still, I don't feel the need to "do it". I find masturbation to be quicker and easier to quench that thirst.

 

Was it hard to accept?

No, I was very happy coming to terms with it.

 

Do you wish it was different?

Not one bit.

 

Did it make you feel like less of a man?

No. I hate toxic masculinity. It's not anyone else's business what your sexual orientation is.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

I'll be honest, I'm deeply aesthetically, sensually and romantically attracted to women. I just suck at dating. I'm kinda dorky, I make cheesy puns and watch a lot of YouTube Poop vids. My humor is quite meta. I have a steady social life, but like, any woman that's serious about me is going to have to realize that I'm not suave, I'm not good with romance, I suck at flirting. But I do want someone to love and grow in my Christian faith with, and hopefully someone who's ace. I have someone who I'm interested in now but I'm not sure if I should go for it.

[riskygamble]

Chiming in with a homoromantic/gay asexual male perspective

 

So, what's it like?

It's just a part of me, which I'm learning as I go.

 

Was it hard to accept?

In some ways. I definitely feel isolated from my own sex, especially with other gay men and the gay community because so much of what is deemed the 'gay experience' revolves around (casual) sex. I'm already part of a sexual minority by being gay, being asexual is just icing on the cake. I feel like my romantic and physical attraction to men isn't taken as seriously or that I can't truly fit in with, or even call myself 'gay' because of lacking most of the sexual attraction component. 

 

I've also struggled with feelings of my asexuality being a byproduct of some issue of mine, or anxiety, etc. I guess viewing it from the framework of it being a problem to try and solve. Since being on AVEN a lot of my views on that mentality have changed and are slowly dissipating.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

It would certainty make life more "normal" for me but this is what I'm used to and it doesn't contribute any feelings of loathing or struggling with my self-worth because of it. If anything I'm glad I don't really have to be preoccupied with it.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

I don't really care about trying to uphold the image of whatever being a man entails.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them?

I seek solace and comfort within my relationships with women and have always felt more comfortable in female company. Can't speak on disconnect because I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction to women so I've never viewed women from that lens. I find it easier to talk and be open with female friends in general versus males.

[Masterman]

I'm late to the party, I know, but in case it's of any use.

 

So, what's it like?

No idea how to answer because it's always been a part of me. I guess it feels like any other need you don't have. You know that unquenchable need you have to hit your forehead while you whistle and watch a wall painted in lilac without blinking?. That's the same need I feel towards sex. None at all, and it doesn't even sound like an appealing idea to try.

 

Was it hard to accept?

Not for me. I was blessed with total clearity towards the fact that I was like this, luckily. It was much harder to accept that everyone else wasn't like me, though. Discovering asexuality was a thing and not something exclussive to me was nice because I finally realizaed I wasn't the only one.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

No, that would be awful. Yes, it would be easier, but it's such an integral part of who I am, I can't change it and still be myself. If I had a wish to spare in that regard, I'd rather wish for a lot more people to be like me to feel more connected. But not to change myself. I'm quite comfortable.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

Not really. I've always felt sure of my masculinity, though I've felt isolated knowing other people see overt sexuality as an important part of manhood. Again, it's not that I'm unconfortable with myself, just with my surrounding.

 

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them?

I adore women. I feel much better around them than I do with make acquitances. I'm aesthetically attracted to their beauty, but it's in no way sexual. I know "regular" people have a hard time separating both concepts, but that's how it is for me. I'm totally indifferent towards other men, though. They can be good people, and I still don't feel connected to them like I do to females. So I'm also much more inclined to pursue platonic relationships with women because I find their company more agreeable.

[Zero_2]

On 1/15/2021 at 6:41 PM, RobL2415 said:

How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

I'll be honest, I'm deeply aesthetically, sensually and romantically attracted to women. I just suck at dating. I'm kinda dorky, I make cheesy puns and watch a lot of YouTube Poop vids. My humor is quite meta. I have a steady social life, but like, any woman that's serious about me is going to have to realize that I'm not suave, I'm not good with romance, I suck at flirting. But I do want someone to love and grow in my Christian faith with, and hopefully someone who's ace. I have someone who I'm interested in now but I'm not sure if I should go for it.

Hey Rob,

 

The first line was really moving to be honest, i personally find it admirable when someone express them selves in such a way, with full transparency, it makes the person feel real.

 

So maybe you're not so bad at being romantic after all, try to say what you mean accurately and be present. (This is experimental advice, not sure how well it will work i don't have much experience, but i think it could)

 

Anyway i wish you good luck, with finding someone to love whom you can grow with in your faith, i respect that, and remember even if you're not good as some of the aspects of dating, something you have is that you are not vain.

[Zero_2]

On 1/18/2021 at 4:34 PM, Masterman said:

I adore women. I feel much better around them than I do with make acquitances. I'm aesthetically attracted to their beauty, but it's in no way sexual. I know "regular" people have a hard time separating both concepts, but that's how it is for me. I'm totally indifferent towards other men, though. They can be good people, and I still don't feel connected to them like I do to females. So I'm also much more inclined to pursue platonic relationships with women because I find their company more agreeable.

I understand that, actually i know what you mean. When i was a kid i liked my male friends more, they were fun and exciting, but at some point i started preferring being around females, i guess it felt more personal and intimate which is what i wanted and perhaps even needed at the time, but i was a bit unlucky.

 

At a certain age some of the females that i knew started getting a little judgemental, they started thinking/implying that something is wrong with me since i can't get along with males and had to substitute it with their company, the ironic thing is that i actually got along well with males. And i wasn't interested in their company out of substitution or desperation, i just liked it. i'm a versatile person, it was easy for me to get along with girls and find things to relate to them, Also another thing they judge me for.

 

After a certain point and the same theme reccuring, being friends with girls became increasingly difficult, going into adolescent girls judged harshly, in regards to your social value.

 

I was stuck between two choices, one is to be one of the guys, and be judged based mostly of how worthy of a potential partner you could be. With this choice you can't be a friend obviously.

The second is be in this weird gray area, they're kinda not sure of your masculinity and some might act like you're less than them, i guess in the sense that you haven't held up to your masculine role the way she held up to her femine role. 

 

So you can see how that made me dislike having female friends, i disliked females in general. But I don't anymore, sometimes i long for some female company, but a life lesson for me was to not have female friends.

 

After that i had to gain a broader definition of friendship, i slowly learned the value of male friendships, because to be honest i had no other choice, but i recognized how males actually care about each other, it shows in a completely different way than women, but it's still there, and i guess it's beautiful in it's own way, the meaning of brotherhood, how some males would die for each other, not saying it better or that female friendships have less meaning or significant, cause i do think it does, it was just nice to have my eyes open at different possibilities. But i still can't relate that much to most men, and don't get along with them well, even though i'm one myself.

 

 

And please don't make my life experiences, sway you in any direction, if you find value in female friendships, i'm glad for you and i wish you the best of luck.

 

[Vysicle]

So, what's it like?

I only realized I was asexual less than two months ago, but even before that, most of my replies to personal questions were pretty... ace?

When I Was asked if I had a type, I would reply, that I'm not sure, or that not really. The truth is that there are certain traits that I feel more appealing than others (I looove red hair, for example)

When asked why was i sing;e/why haven't I hooked up with anyone/have you even had sex before?/what type of relationship are you looking for? I would reply that sex is not among my priorities. It just isn't. I honestly wasn't aware that it was because I never really felt attracted sexually to someone. I'm happy with just having friends I can count on.

 

Was it hard to accept?

Quite the opposite, I full on embraced it! But my story is a bit more complex than that. I do feel attraction to men, so I had to deal with accepting that part of myself first. Most of my struggles came from this fact, and the fact that others perceived me also as gay. (So I was bullied, harrased and rejected in different instances, and most of them were from people that just assumed I was gay)

Anyway, once I came to the realization I was ace, most of my conversations (from question 1) made more sense to me. It was like finding a piece of a puzzle I was looking for a long time.

 

Do you wish if it was different?

I mostly think about the situations I've been through, and how different would have been, if I wasn't asexual OR if I knew  I was asexual back then, But at the end of day, I don't wish it was different. I don't even wish I was straight, even if that would have made my life a ton easier.

 

Did it make you feel less like a man growing up?

Eh, I knew others felt I was less of a man because I didn't talk about sex, or getting laid, but I also identified as gay, so it probably comes from that too. I was/am used to consider myself "weird" and at one point, I decided to stop worrying about how much of a man I was perceived as.

 

 How do you feel about women? Are you indifferent? Do you feel a disconnect towards them? 

I imagine you are asking about women as "person of gender you are attracted to" instead of "person of the opposite gender."

If talking about the gender I'm attracted to (men), I can say that I find their body beautiful. It makes me feel things. I love looking at them. I can fantasize about them, and I can aroused by them. I just don't feel like I want to have sex with them.

If talking about the opposite sex, I feel I do find it easier to be around them than with men. I act generally friendly towards everyone, but I'm an introvert and tend to let other people approach me first, and normally it's women that do that. I guess I feel less "threatened" by them too.