[curious] Do Asexual females still care about what a dude looks/sounds like?

[Marlow1]

 

 

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/kwkway/what-its-like-to-instantly-forget-what-friends-and-lovers-looks-like

 

And

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia

 

 

[xephier102]

On 3/8/2020 at 9:47 AM, Memento1 said:

@xephier102 I'm sorry, it sounds like you've been through a lot of trauma and pain in your life, and are wondering if you can ever overcome that.  I can feel how much suffering you still hold over that.

 

I do believe a loving relationship is more than possible for you, but I just as strongly believe that good mental health will lead to a relationship, not the other way around.  I thought for a very long time that if I could just find a loving boyfriend, someone who would love me and care about me, it would fill this hole inside me that made me feel incomplete and worthless.  The truth is relationships are far healthier and less likely to fall apart when you feel like you are worthy and your needs are deserving of attention.  It's been a difficult struggle for me to face my childhood traumas, my emotional neglect and mistrust, but I feel much more capable of having a healthy relationship now that I have a better grasp of (though have not completely fixed) my own self-esteem and self-image.  I went through a few less-than-helpful therapists before I found some able to help me work through my issues - I hope you can find one!  I am not trying to pawn you off on professional help because I don't care - I know it must feel that way.  It's just that it's almost impossible to have the necessary present and empathetic dialogue over the internet.

 

Sorry to go off on a lecture - you deserve to have your concerns listened and attended to, and it's really hard to do that in this medium that is better suited to lectures and advice.

Sounds like you know some things from experience at least. Nothing like having some average person that's never known real pain, acting like seeking professional help is the be all end all.. but in full honesty for me, well.. I'm a practical person. It doesn't take much to keep me happy. With that said, the whole professional help thing is kinda wasted on me. That is to say, I know what I need, and it isn't more hours talking to a paid individual to tell me more by the book repetition. But for what it's worth, I have been seeing a psychiatrist. I got on some real good medication a few years back and this stuff helped a lot. But over the past few years I've been steamrolled by everyone I've known and pretty much lost my faith in humanity.. so ya, medication can only get ya so far, and when ya take that step from extreme depression, to clinical depression; where it hurts so bad that you literally physically hurt.. 

On 3/7/2020 at 10:02 PM, Moon Spirit ☽ said:

Anyone can be shallow.

 

@KrysLost I almost wonder if that was a situation similar to my friend's mom's re-marriage where she had low self-esteem and he pressured her into accepting his proposal on the third attempt by having both of their kids from their previous marriages present. There are people out there who will stoop really low to get their way.

That's really not me. I'm quite passive and I learned the hard way (emotionally) if I'm not wanted, just leave. Don't fight it. I mean, not to be too extreme about it though, like she don't reply to a text, so I wait till she's at work the best day and move all my stuff out, lol.. but I would never trap anyone. I may be lonely, I may even be desperate, but I'm not an asshole, and I won't accept pity as a reason to make or continue a relationship.

On 3/7/2020 at 11:01 PM, AceMissBehaving said:

I think it’s the same mix of reactions for ace folks as the rest of the general population.

 

I personally don’t have a particular aesthetic type, I tend to be drawn to people who are confidently and unapologetically their own unique person. Usually kind of punky/hardcore looking people with a certain amount of passion about what they do in life.
 

There are people I look at and think “damn that person is gorgeous” but it’s just in an all the bits are objectively well out together kind of way, it doesn’t typically make me want to do anything more than maybe look at them for a while.

Agree on the rebel thing. Honestly that's probably one of the things that makes it more difficult for me. Most people are so mainstream, these days.. like so many people that will flip their shit if you write a two or more sentence reply to something that they posted on Facebook; when all they wanted was for people to give predictable agreement or luls..

Or the people that believe that the gov really has our best interests at heart.. yea, I'm not the conspiracy theorist type. Not gonna say that murican gov did the 9-11.. but I do find myself annoyed by people that won't at least look at it from a critical point of view. But that goes for anything, not just the gov. 

On 3/8/2020 at 12:02 AM, pinkroses said:

ive heard a phrase that i will paraphrase since i don't remmber it exactly. looks at what atract your attention, the other stuff is what keeps you interested.i dont know if thats true or not, but i think it matters but only some, its not everything . people that are attractive, arent attractive forever. everyone gets sick sometime. and how a person treats others and what their personailty is like important, and chemistry between the two people. some at least mild attraction would be good. but also different people find different things attractive, some like a nice smile, some want some one whose into theater or a smart guy. just put your best foot forward and be you. someone out there will enjoy you how you are. i hope i explained this well-ish. 

Yea, I hear ya. Same concept as book writing; pull them in with the first few paragraphs, keep em reading with the rest.

On 3/7/2020 at 10:01 PM, SithEmpress said:

Yes, women will still care about the looks/sound of a potential partner. That's part of aesthetic attraction and the importance of it would depend on the person. It's also why some people will date members of different races, nationalities, religions, etc. There are many factors in play when someone determines who they're willing to date. 

I can relate to that.. it's sad and probably seemingly hypocritical of me, but I could never date someone with down syndrome. For me, that standard is to spite the expectations of society, more than anything against those that have such things. Like, I could date someone that had a mental disability, so long as it wasn't brutally obvious that they had one, and as long as it wasn't anything too harsh. Because one of the things that I'd look for in a girl would be smarts (and unlike most men, for me, that's not another word for tits..). But not necessarily book smart. I mean, I want to be with someone capable of critical thought and well-thought out input. Not someone that memorized several medical journals, and makes me look/feel like a dumbass, lol. 

 

Side note; I personally feel that whomever said opposites attract, was an idiot. That may be true for many couples that stick together cuz of looks, but if you've got conflicting personality traits; if one of you loves the cold and the other loves the heat; if one's a liberal and the other a conservative. These people are not going to get along in any meaningful way. The only way that works is in relationships where the couple distance themselves from eachother. Go to separate movies, take separate vacations .etc. But if you can hardly agree on anything, then why are you dating?

Edited March 11, 2020 by xephier102

[long nights]

I do care about looks because I am very attracted to aesthetics. And, I also care about someone's personality. It is balanced.

[Memento1]

31 minutes ago, xephier102 said:

But for what it's worth, I have been seeing a psychiatrist. I got on some real good medication a few years back and this stuff helped a lot. But over the past few years I've been steamrolled by everyone I've known and pretty much lost my faith in humanity.. so ya, medication can only get ya so far

I was not talking about medication.  Psychiatrists are medical doctors - prescribing medication is what they do.  Almost all studies show medication without counseling or outside resources is lackluster at best.  If you don't like "by the book repetition", you may find person-centered therapy more amenable - it's very non-directive and client led.  As I said, it took me a while to find a therapist that was actually helpful, and I sadly agree too many are unable or unwilling to work collaboratively with a client instead of rigidly sticking to their favorite style and worldview.  But you know yourself best, and I respect your feelings of mistrust and disappointment in the matter.

[Guest]

On 3/8/2020 at 6:53 AM, pinkroses said:

except for manners. those are still needed and need to keep being passed down. lol

Clean, tidy, good manners, funny if you're into humour but most importantly honesty and just be yourself. 

 

I have two amazing friends who are two of the biggest women you could meet in weight but they are the most gorgeous, bubbly people I have ever met. They make me laugh and smile and very few people get a genuine smile or laugh from me. And they both have successful love lives. One even has a baby. Isn't that great? 

 

And as previously mentioned confidence is key. If you celebrate the good qualities you have, maybe someone else will want to celebrate them with you and vice versa. Sorry mushy I know but you get it. 😅

[xephier102]

9 hours ago, Memento1 said:

I was not talking about medication.  Psychiatrists are medical doctors - prescribing medication is what they do.  Almost all studies show medication without counseling or outside resources is lackluster at best.  If you don't like "by the book repetition", you may find person-centered therapy more amenable - it's very non-directive and client led.  As I said, it took me a while to find a therapist that was actually helpful, and I sadly agree too many are unable or unwilling to work collaboratively with a client instead of rigidly sticking to their favorite style and worldview.  But you know yourself best, and I respect your feelings of mistrust and disappointment in the matter.

I know what you were talking about, but the thing is, who besides me is going to know what I need in order to be happy? I don't love to talk about this, but just a few years back, I had 35 grand. I was hit by a dude in Toronto while crossing the street. I sued the guy. I then decided to move to a small town in BC cuz my friend (that I'd known for 20ish years) lived just the next town over. 20 minutes away and the guy only visited 2-3 times in a 3 year period.. And the once was just to show off his new dirt bike. Due to gettin used by a few other people, and failing to invest the money or look for a job sooner, I kinda blew it all, and now I'm 20k in the hole.. I feel like an idiot when I think about that. Especially since I coulda invested that money in bitcoin and I coulda been cruising off of that for the rest of my life.. But the point is, 35k to someone that's been working min wage jobs (or close to min wage) for my entire life, that's like being rich. I bought a dual sport motorcycle, brand new. Was traveling all over BC and a bit into the US. I felt like I could do anything, buy anything. It was the ultimate freedom. I should have been happy. But in the end, I wasn't.

 

Those 'friends'/roommates that used me. Well, before things went south with them, I was close to being happy just to have people around and something close to a normal life.. So it's not that I don't know what it would take to make me happy. Freedom (financial and otherwise), and a relatively (to me) beautiful girl that loves, respects, and supports me (like, my ambitions and stuff, not lookin for a sugar mama), and really wants to be around me. That for me would be heaven (or at least the closest thing to it for me since I'm not the religious type). But this nagging feeling that love is just a pipe dream for someone like me (I mean, it's hard enough just to maintain friends, and the closest thing I got to friends, are pity friends that check on me once a month or two, to see if I haven't offed myself yet).. It just has me paralyzed.. Don't get me wrong, I'm not necessarily looking for someone to validate my life, I'm looking for someone to live for.. Someone to bring light into my life and make every morning worth waking up for. But not a crutch so much as, my other half..  Guess I watched too many Disney movies and 80's-90's romance movies groin up..

I'm probably one of those Asexual-romantic types or w.e.

5 hours ago, AJ 0688 said:

Clean, tidy, good manners, funny if you're into humour but most importantly honesty and just be yourself. 

 

I have two amazing friends who are two of the biggest women you could meet in weight but they are the most gorgeous, bubbly people I have ever met. They make me laugh and smile and very few people get a genuine smile or laugh from me. And they both have successful love lives. One even has a baby. Isn't that great? 

 

And as previously mentioned confidence is key. If you celebrate the good qualities you have, maybe someone else will want to celebrate them with you and vice versa. Sorry mushy I know but you get it. 😅

"Be yourself" That's some of that by the book repetition that I'm talking about.. Also known as fortune cookie psychology. It may have applied at one point in time, but these days, most people don't want to see other people be themselves, they just want to see more of the mainstream.. kinda a curse of social media going viral. I mean, I don't do the 'fake' thing, I always say what I mean when I say it. Most people don't like that I guess. They want to be coddled and lied to and humored. But I've never been the rose colored sunglasses type.. I mean, it takes a lot to piss me off, and a lot more to offend me to the extent that I'd cut ties with a person. So when someone flips the fuck out, and/or blocks me because of something I said on facebook.. And a lot of people are like that.. I mean, even the people that have used me to the tune of thousands of dollars (and I'm low class in financial, so that's a lot), or people that have abused me, verbally, mentally, physically.. I've had occasional dreams of hanging out with these people, talking to them, reasoning out why they did what they did. But people these days are too soft.. they throw people like me away cuz why? I'm not confident?

People really need to think things through on the whole confidence thing though. People like confidence because it's like, the opposite of desperation. People don't like desperation because it makes them question their own value, if the person that they're with, would date literally anyone/thing that would date them. But just because I'm not strutting about like I'm the shit, doesn't mean that I would date anything under the sun. Even I, with all my flaws, have some standards. And I'd never hit anyone unless they hit me first. I mean, I'm not exactly built like the rock (Dwayne Johnson) or anything; if I'm being fully honest, most women could probably do more damage to me than the other way around. But even then, any form of violence is a last resort for me. I'm 39 and despite all I've been through, I only ever hit one person, and I was 16. That is to say, I'd defend myself if it came down to it, but one guarantee with me is that the person with me would never have to deal with abuse. Double down on that since I don't drink. So no hidden drunken personality from me. 

In retrospect, I mighta come outta left field with that last half paragraph. I tend to do that sometimes. I have a thing called disordered thoughts/speech. So I tend to go off topic rather often. Kinda like Grandpa Simpson.

I'd like to think I'd be a bit of a prize to any woman that would take a chance on me, but that's a lot easier to talk about than to show.. So I guess I got internal confidence, to some extent, but external is another thing..

[xephier102]

On 3/11/2020 at 10:10 AM, long nights said:

I do care about looks because I am very attracted to aesthetics. And, I also care about someone's personality. It is balanced.

Lol.. I don't think I'd really call that "balanced". I think the correct word is shallow. Cuz if you care that much about looks, then you'll probably never get to know the personality of someone that doesn't meet your expectations in aesthetics. So trying to say it's balanced, in that context, you're only lying to yourself. A lot of people do that in Canadian/American culture though. It never gets spoken aloud, but vanity is a very big part of our culture. But we still like to think of ourselves as good people, so we tell people that we aren't shallow; knowing the entire time that we would never date anyone bellow average on the looks scale. Even I'm a little on the shallow side, but the difference is, that I'll admit it.

Honestly, that's a large part of what makes it near impossible to believe that I could find love. Because if someone as shit as me can be shallow, then wtf hope to I have? And that's impacted by the fact that I'm not fishing in the bargain bin (so to speak). If I could date someone that's 500 lbs, missing both legs, half an arm, breathes through a necktube and shits themself on the regular; well, maybe then I'd have a chance in hell..

[Spicy_Mochi]

First of all, I wanna say that I think having a nasal tone isn’t unattractive at all! I personally think it’s cute. Don’t go dragging yourself!

As for looks, it does depend on the person, but liking someone for their looks is more related to aesthetic attraction rather than sexual attraction. I’m ace but I can appreciate a cute guy.

But, I also think that ace ppl tend to really value personality and chemistry. My last crush was really sweet and caring and that made him the cutest guy in the world. Yes, he wasn’t really “attractive” (I asked my friends for that one) but he was my biggest crush because of his personality. 

[GlamRocker]

@xephier102 I doubt you'll ever come back, but there's a few things I like, and one of them is brutal honesty, especially when it's hard (puts themselves in a bad light.) That last post of yours was hardcore. I lol'd

[Guest]

No, not everyone is shallow. I know some people who aren't. But everyone is free to be with who they want to be with, or not be with anyone at all if that's what they want.

[Fighting_For_Us]

For me, I definelty have aesthetic preferences...but that only really is relevant when looking at pictures to use as references for drawings when I need them

 

For context, I'm an aromantic ace. Due to some traumas in my past, I tend to avoid men, and don't let them into my "inner circle" of friends much. 

That being said, if a guy is nice and seems trustworthy, I don't particularly care what they look like. Hygiene is very important though, if a a dude (or chick) is nasty, I won't be interacting with them much.

[xephier102]

On 3/17/2020 at 9:31 PM, Spicy_Mochi said:

First of all, I wanna say that I think having a nasal tone isn’t unattractive at all! I personally think it’s cute. Don’t go dragging yourself!

As for looks, it does depend on the person, but liking someone for their looks is more related to aesthetic attraction rather than sexual attraction. I’m ace but I can appreciate a cute guy.

But, I also think that ace ppl tend to really value personality and chemistry. My last crush was really sweet and caring and that made him the cutest guy in the world. Yes, he wasn’t really “attractive” (I asked my friends for that one) but he was my biggest crush because of his personality. 

I kinda think that being ace affects it a little though, tbh. I mean, just from a personal standpoint. I think that I feel that I can stretch my dating pool a bit if I'm not thinking of the person as someone that I'm gonna have sex with someday. Cuz really, when you think of it,  you'd be good friends with a lot of people that you'd never date, and only diff between good friends and significant others is, you (generally) don't screw your friends (though incidentally, I've been screwed by most my friends, just not in the good way).

 

And thank you for sayin, bout the voice thing, but sadly I think most people view it as some direct connection to a mental handicap. While I do have ADHD, and my processing speed is a bit bellow the average, it's nothing that I find brutally impacts my potential as badly as it would for some. I mean, I've known some average/"normal" people, that are frustratingly stupid. Nothing against them as people, but what can I say.. some people are just real head scratchers (that, and getting passively treated like a tard for my entire life, makes it hard to empathize with regular folk that can't keep it together, lol..).

 

On 3/21/2020 at 8:27 PM, Fighting_For_Us said:

For me, I definelty have aesthetic preferences...but that only really is relevant when looking at pictures to use as references for drawings when I need them

 

For context, I'm an aromantic ace. Due to some traumas in my past, I tend to avoid men, and don't let them into my "inner circle" of friends much. 

That being said, if a guy is nice and seems trustworthy, I don't particularly care what they look like. Hygiene is very important though, if a a dude (or chick) is nasty, I won't be interacting with them much.

Guess I can see with the hygiene. I have actually had a person or two be kinda chummy with me, and maybe they coulda been good friends, they were good people, but man, the smell was so bad. I'm not great for hygiene these days, but that's more because I lack a reason to be. Like, I'm not really even around people anymore, so if I do it, it's only for myself. But I'm self conscious and not the ignorant type, so I do take care of myself if I'm around people.

 

On 3/21/2020 at 11:42 AM, GlamRocker said:

@xephier102 I doubt you'll ever come back, but there's a few things I like, and one of them is brutal honesty, especially when it's hard (puts themselves in a bad light.) That last post of yours was hardcore. I lol'd

I come back around from time to time :P. Yes it's true, I don't really put myself above others. Mind you that isn't purely a self confidence issue. When I was a child, my one teacher used to sit with me and read me verses from the bible. I'm 100% not religious these days, but one that always stuck with me was "all men are created equal". So I've never really had anything against being judged, only the people that judge without truth, context, and/or a constructive criticism of some kind. I may not be perfect, but if I'm made aware that something I'm saying or doing is objectively wrong, I can at least make my best efforts to correct the error.

Edited March 23, 2020 by xephier102

[Philip027]

Quote

Lol.. I don't think I'd really call that "balanced". I think the correct word is shallow. Cuz if you care that much about looks, then you'll probably never get to know the personality of someone that doesn't meet your expectations in aesthetics. So trying to say it's balanced, in that context, you're only lying to yourself.

I don't really think that makes it unbalanced.  The fact of the matter is, looks can be perceived right away, but personality often takes longer.  If both are important to you and not having either one is gonna be a dealbreaker, you're simply going to know sooner if someone doesn't meet your standards in looks than you are gonna know if they don't meet your standards in personality (although the inverse might be true in situations like online relationships, where you might have multiple exchanges/interactions with people without either one knowing what the other looks like).  That isn't necessarily indicative of "imbalance" in the person's priorities; it's simply a difference in the rates that the relevant information is exchanged.  That's not the person's (or anyone's) fault; it's just that for most (offline) encounters, people see each other (and therefore evaluate each other's appearances) before they share any sort of interaction in which information about personality is relayed.

 

I don't think it's really "shallow" unless looks are all you care about regardless of how bad everything else might be.  Very often someone might have the "looks" part down pat but they end up having an ugly personality, and to a lot of people this would still end up being a dealbreaker.  That's what the above poster means by balanced; both are important.

[rainbowocollie]

I used to experience aesthetic attraction a lot.

[Hadgr]

Yes, I care about looks. Like 99% of the world does.

 

You can call it shallow but I think that everybody has a style or sense of taste in everything we do: clothes, music, art, food and ultimately the people we surround ourselves with. It's what makes us unique so even if I don't experience physical attraction, I have a 'type'. For me that means I don't care about how big a guy's muscles are but I care about a healthy physique (not too skinny, not overly fat), clean and mostly straight teeth, not into tattoos and I care a lot about their voice. I can go in details about preferences but stuff like 'I don't like beards' can easily be changed. 

 

The thing is, for the right guy, I (and most women, I think) can overlook a lot of these 'preferences'. If you ask me for a list of deal breakers, I have a hard time finding things that are actually physical (I would never date someone who for example, is abusive but you can't see that on their face or body) 

[xephier102]

On 3/23/2020 at 8:19 PM, Philip027 said:

I don't really think that makes it unbalanced.  The fact of the matter is, looks can be perceived right away, but personality often takes longer.  If both are important to you and not having either one is gonna be a dealbreaker, you're simply going to know sooner if someone doesn't meet your standards in looks than you are gonna know if they don't meet your standards in personality (although the inverse might be true in situations like online relationships, where you might have multiple exchanges/interactions with people without either one knowing what the other looks like).  That isn't necessarily indicative of "imbalance" in the person's priorities; it's simply a difference in the rates that the relevant information is exchanged.  That's not the person's (or anyone's) fault; it's just that for most (offline) encounters, people see each other (and therefore evaluate each other's appearances) before they share any sort of interaction in which information about personality is relayed.

 

I don't think it's really "shallow" unless looks are all you care about regardless of how bad everything else might be.  Very often someone might have the "looks" part down pat but they end up having an ugly personality, and to a lot of people this would still end up being a dealbreaker.  That's what the above poster means by balanced; both are important.

yea... the online thing might work for women, but a lot of guys can't even get replies on sites with posting their picture.. And I got a speech flaw, so the moment things go beyond plain text chat, we're into aesthetics territory..  But that more or less confirms what I already knew. Ugly dudes got a slight sliver of a situational chance of getting with a girl, but toss a personality flaw or two in there, and good Fkin luck, lol.. I think honestly that girls from other countries would be less shallow. like, third world countries. We are trained so much from a young age to be shallow, just through the media, even cartoons.. the bad guys are big, fat, ugly .etc. the good guys are mostly pretty, perfect, muscular.. You can literally see how shallow our society is when you watch something like the Susanne Boyle audition on America's got Talent. Everyone laughing at that woman, all kinds of looks of pre-planned disappointment. I mean, sure it turns around once she starts singing, but even the comments after, like, "wow, I didn't expect that..." ya... you woulda expected it if she was some big titted bobble-head... And if she didn't sing like that, she woulda been laughed off the stage like some kinda clown..

People do like to try to cover up, or explain away the fact that they're shallow, but it's bread into us. Maybe a lot of us don't even know that we are cuz we've been taught how to be politically correct about it.. sweep it under the rug and look the other way, lol..

[LeChat]

14 minutes ago, xephier102 said:

...I think honestly that girls from other countries would be less shallow. like, third world countries...

In those countries, arranged marriages exist, where family members try to find their adult child a partner who earns a good income/is from a wealthier family, has certain looks, etc.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage_in_the_Indian_subcontinent

 

But, like others already mentioned in this thread, aromantic people exist in the world, where--because they're not attracted to others--they're not concerned with others' appearance (because they're not interested in partnering with anyone).

[xephier102]

28 minutes ago, LeChat said:

In those countries, arranged marriages exist, where family members try to find their adult child a partner who earns a good income/is from a wealthier family, has certain looks, etc.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arranged_marriage_in_the_Indian_subcontinent

 

But, like others already mentioned in this thread, aromantic people exist in the world, where--because they're not attracted to others--they're not concerned with others' appearance (because they're not interested in partnering with anyone).

Well, there's more third world countries than just india.. Pretty sure that Mexico, and Africa don't have arranged marriages, or if they do; they're not common enough to be famous for it the way india is.

[Chloe88]

I do care, and looks, personality, lifestyle, hobbies and occupation would be important to me. Number one will be personal hygiene as there are too many disgusting people out there who think it's ok to reek of dried sweat, fluids and god knows what else. Might be a status symbol, but I don't buy that.

What the guy does with his spare time is important, certain off putting things are playing computer games or just being on the phone all day. Lazy ones are a massive turn off.

It's a lot to ask but I'm happy being single.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, LeChat said:

But, like others already mentioned in this thread, aromantic people exist in the world, where--because they're not attracted to others--they're not concerned with others' appearance (because they're not interested in partnering with anyone).

I'm sure this is true for many aromantic people it is not true for all. I for one do have some non-romantic non-sexual relationships where the appearance of people is a factor in whether I will engage with them. Just as their are romantic sexual people for whom appearance really isn't a factor at all.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, xephier102 said:

I think honestly that girls from other countries would be less shallow. like, third world countries.

Sure, when you have to worry about whether your partner will be able to feed your children, pay for basic health care and education etc. appearance isn't such a priority. Buy a bride from Thailand and you can be reasonably sure they won't reject you based on looks.

[xephier102]

On 4/7/2020 at 12:52 AM, theV0ID said:

Sure, when you have to worry about whether your partner will be able to feed your children, pay for basic health care and education etc. appearance isn't such a priority. Buy a bride from Thailand and you can be reasonably sure they won't reject you based on looks.

Never liked the idea of buying a human being (unless it was a futuristic android with advanced AI..).. That's why I'll never do the hooker thing (buy one that is, not be one.. well.. neither..). I've had other guys around me drop their jaws in surprise when I say I'd never want a hooker. And they get nearly argumentative about it.. Like.. How about STDs for one.. That alone should be enough to put a person off.. But then just randomly fucking someone because you give them money.. What is the turnon with that? I'm not a prude, but I find that disgusting.. Any fantasy that I'd ever had about a hooker was of me being rich and giving her money to conversate, then we hit it off and she falls in love with me because of my kind nature, and I pull her out of the life .etc.. But apart from the act itself being disgraceful; I would just find doing it to be the most depressing thing ever.. Like, I'm so undesirable that I'd have to pay someone just to do that with me.. also enough of a lecherous perv to feel the need to do such a thing..

 

On 4/6/2020 at 11:30 PM, Chloe88 said:

I do care, and looks, personality, lifestyle, hobbies and occupation would be important to me. Number one will be personal hygiene as there are too many disgusting people out there who think it's ok to reek of dried sweat, fluids and god knows what else. Might be a status symbol, but I don't buy that.

What the guy does with his spare time is important, certain off putting things are playing computer games or just being on the phone all day. Lazy ones are a massive turn off.

It's a lot to ask but I'm happy being single.

Yea.. You're hot, I'll give you that, but you just sound controlling. I guess when you got looks like that, you can 'pick all the options', so to speak.

Oh the joys of being born in a capitalist country, where if you're lucky enough to be born with money and/or looks, you got it made. If you were born lacking both, you're treated like a second class citizen and have to work 10X harder for whatever you get.. It's like being black in some US states, but worse, cuz at least when you're black, people recognize it; when you're ugly and try to say anything, people just act like you're over-reacting, and you don't get an entire demographic of ugly people to talk about it with or raise awareness or anything.

[Philip027]

Worth pointing out that just because someone here has an image of a human as their avatar, it doesn't necessarily mean it's an image of them.  In fact, most of the times I've seen one here, it's usually not them, but more likely someone that the person admires in some way.

[AnxiousAsexual]

I my self care more about personality then looks when it comes to relationships. it may be different for other asexuals but I myself am aromantic so I just what a friend who can make me laugh.

[kiaroskuro]

Odd question. Not all aspec women are hetero, not all of them are experiencing romantic attraction, and even those who are heteroromantic don't see a potential date/partner in every man they ever meet. 

So, relax.

And please #Don'tMakeAssumptions.

[Philip027]

I mean, it should be pretty clear that the question is oriented toward heteroromantics without having to actually say it.  They're asking the question for themselves, and they are presumably male and heteroromantic.  Plus, most people are straight so it's a fair assumption to make anyway.

[Janus the Fox]

2 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Worth pointing out that just because someone here has an image of a human as their avatar, it doesn't necessarily mean it's an image of them.  In fact, most of the times I've seen one here, it's usually not them, but more likely someone that the person admires in some way.

True, human or not, there’s reasons behind Avatar choice.

 

Like my avatar, it’s of me and not of me for which is also to be admired as well.

[Rosendust]

Spoiler

For me personally, yes-Aesthetics and personality, among other character traits matter to me

 

[xephier102]

15 hours ago, Philip027 said:

Worth pointing out that just because someone here has an image of a human as their avatar, it doesn't necessarily mean it's an image of them.  In fact, most of the times I've seen one here, it's usually not them, but more likely someone that the person admires in some way.

While this is true, if someone was to use that type of avatar on their acnt, it is more commonly used for xbox or youtube acnts in which you are trying to boost your clicks, or likes or follows or w.e, due to horny idiots that don't know better. I really don't see the logic of posting a fake hot chick avatar on an asexual discussion/dating site. As well the personality really does fit the picture, someone with looks like that would have no issues in the dating scene. If anything, being A-sexual is probably her only real drawback in finding someone, hence she's on here. When it comes to looks, using car purchases as a parallel; for a hot chick, finding a guy is like going car shopping with 50-75k in your wallet. For a hot rich chick, like going car shopping with unlimited cash to do so.  for an average guy, like going car shopping with 2500-5k in his wallet. For an ugly guy, like car shopping with 100-250$ in his wallet. Like, sure, it's possible he might find something, but the chances of even that working out are slim to none and finding a car that cheap and good enough to get through the years; would be like winning the lottery. (keep in mind, these hypothetical dollar sums are in Canadian).

13 hours ago, Philip027 said:

I mean, it should be pretty clear that the question is oriented toward heteroromantics without having to actually say it.  They're asking the question for themselves, and they are presumably male and heteroromantic.  Plus, most people are straight so it's a fair assumption to make anyway.

Thank you, logic, I love it. Not many people use it, but it's nice when people do. I think differently from a lot of people. I overthink the hell outta everything. So a lot of the time, I think of things that other people don't, and I just view it as common sense. I find it often irritates me that so many seemingly simple facts get so easily overlooked.

12 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

True, human or not, there’s reasons behind Avatar choice.

 

Like my avatar, it’s of me and not of me for which is also to be admired as well.

To anyone hip to post 2010 pop culture, I think it's pretty clear that you're a furry

Edited April 16, 2020 by xephier102

[Chloe88]

@Rosendust no need to hide or be afraid of your preferences, I'm exactly the same and I'm not ashamed one bit! If I could get a loud t-shirt saying what I've said above, I definately would!