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Help! My wife doesn’t want me !


MBB

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I never realized she could be asexual, I always thought the reason she wasn’t interested is because of me and her not being attracted to me anymore.

 

she doesn’t have any desire to have sex with me 

we fight about it a lot

she says all the time. Why does everything revolve around sex

i feel ashamed to watch porn or masterbate.  She makes it feel like all of those things are wrong and disgusting 

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@CBC is correct here. Relationship Therapist can and do have a lot of success helping couples with the kind of problems you are describing. I would consider this if I was you 👍

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you should be no more ashamed of your sexuality than she should be of hers

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I agree with looking into couples therapy. I will say this though, you shouldn't feel ashamed about porn, or in the very least, masturbating. That is something you should be able to do for you, and she should not see it as disgusting or a threat to your relationship. You should tell her how hard it is for you, and express that you feel that is something you need, but that you are still committed to and love her. Also don't let any belief systems she has, let you feel ashamed. It's perfectly normal and okay. As far as sex in general, I feel like a deeper talk is required there.

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If I were you and you can still live your lives together, excluding the sex issue, I would concentrate more on doing things YOU want to do. Sex is a big distraction anyway and even worse if you have been doing it with a partner who doesn't want it.

Lets be clear on this though. YOU will be the one who is doing the compromise in this situation. Make this clear to her too and see what compromises she will make to balance the situation.

Don't waste your money on therapists as they will never solve your problem. They will be happy to take your money though.

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Let's be frank: all therapists are not equal.  There are those who will make things worse instead of better, and those who frankly won't make much difference at all.  There's also great therapists who can help tremendously.  If you don't click with your therapist, or they don't make an effort to meet you where you're at, look elsewhere.  I had to go through several before finding a good one, but that good one made a big impact.

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