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Didn't know coming out was that important...


Adam_Apples

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Adam_Apples

So I just came out at work. I was so worried about the reaction I was going to get, but it turns out I have just had a crazy amount of support off people. I work in a small department and everyone was willing to learn what asexuality is and ask me questions about myself and how I feel. I didn't realise how much of a weight it would take off my back. Even though I'm in the army people are still willing to accept me and handle the news with that much respect. I have also learnt that you don't come out once, it's a thing you have to do on many occasions and the more people that know, the easier it is.

 

Thanks for reading and stay awesome.😎

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literallylexi

Glad you were able to get so much support from the people around you!

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Glad it worked out. I am out to some people and not to others, I agree that I think its fine either way, 

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2 hours ago, Adam_Apples said:

learnt that you don't come out once, it's a thing you have to do on many occasions and the more people that know, the easier it is.

Yup! Congratulations, glad it went well! 😁

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Yay! I'm so happy to hear successful coming out stories. Coming out is really important for our visibility and helping new people learn about it and understand all the different colors of the rainbow that exist in this weird world. Not everyone wants to (or can) come out, but it's wonderful to hear stories of people coming out and finding acceptance and curiosity. 

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Ace_SouthAfrica_87

I'm an asexual and bi-romantic as far as I realize. Not sure yet. So confused, but I know I don't want to have sex. I am repulsed by it. I still think I want a family, because the loneliness is for me personally the hardest thing to deal with, so I believe I need to meet a woman who accepts me for my orientation.

 

I came out on Saturday early hours of the morning (7 March 2020) to a straight guy who I find physically attractive (and for some reason that night I had rare urges - difficult to explain), and I could sense he wanted something (might be wrong on this), because I know he is sexually frustrated and I just couldn't go through with it. To be clear I wanted to engage in oral sex and nothing else and non reciprocal. I couldn't because I value his friendship and respect his family. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I tore up a happy home.

 

I have never engaged in any sexual activities, but was really keen to do so, until I just accepted I am just the way I am. It was intense. I took a long period to just say what I needed to. I said I might not be into chicks. He responded by asking if I have ever given anybody a blowjob? No to that. and If I have thought about it, which was yes. And my mate was just brilliant with his acceptance. He just embraced me for a long period and I felt such a huge sense of relief and he went to bed and I slept on the couch.

 

I am still figuring this out. I think it will take a while. The depression is there some days, but mostly I am happy to be an ace. There are only a few guys I find physically/emotionally attracted to and in the above mentioned instance it nearly got out of hand. There are however more than a few women that I find physically/emotionally attractive. My mate is the only one that knows and I will remain anonymous until I feel comfortable and to protect his identity. 

 

I constantly overthink things. I also try and figure out why? and in conclusion the following things have influenced me being this way.

  1. I was the 3rd child (9 years younger than the previous sibling) of a marriage that was failing since I can remember and never saw my parents be in love or show much affection towards one another. So any affection from anyone towards me, puts a smile on my face.
  2.  My father was a verbally abusive alcoholic and I felt inadequate during my teenage years. Perhaps the reason I find married men attractive, because of a father figure being absent during my development years. I find the interaction between them and their children attractive, because i never had that.
  3. No sex talk was ever given to me. Both parents kept quiet about it. I developed this stigma that sex is evil and love is not real. 

I have kissed many girls and ended up sleeping over at some of their places, but didn't go through with intercourse either.

I am not a coward, but it sure feels that way at times.

So the past encounter with my mate is a rare unusual occurrence.

But I can positively say I am not gay and I am not straight either. 

I can only confirm that most forms of sexual activity just frightens me. Like a phobia of some sort.

 

There are plenty more I would like to mention, but this is enough for now. 

Hope someone reads this and gives their response to why they might be asexual.

Coming out was extremely difficult and I never planned for it to happen.

It just did and I am grateful for that weight to be off my shoulders.

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  • 3 weeks later...
deletingthisaccount

This is encouraging. I've been thinking about doing the same. I feel like I need to, but I'm scared. Nice to see positive responses!

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