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I'm suddenly not as asexual


TheFinalHolmes

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TheFinalHolmes

So I've been asexual... for a long time.  In middle school, I used to be interested in sex and I would watch porn and masturbate, as much as... well actually more than most teens my age.  But around the age of 15 was when I stopped watching porn and masturbating altogether.  I had begun to lose interest little by little, on many different levels.  I just didn't find anything interesting at first, and then it became more passive, and than I became almost fully repulsed by it.  My sexual thoughts and cravings slowly became less and less as time went on.  I can specifically remember the very last sexual fantasy I had at about 18 years of age, but then after that point... nothing.  And at the time, that didn't meant to me that I was asexual.  There are plenty of people who don't watch porn or masturbate that aren't asexual and plenty of people who watch porn and do masturbate that are asexual.  In Sophomore year in college I began to realize that I was though.  I didn't have any real interest in sex and was fairly sex-repulsed at about that age, having dated 3 people and never thinking of them sexually, nor any of the many crushes or romantic attractions I had had over that time.  I still felt very much romantic to all genders and wanted to be with someone who would be alright with very little sexual involvement if any.  And I haven't gotten that yet.  But what I'm getting to is this.  Suddenly... at the age of 22... and completely out of nowhere I'm feeling sexual again.  Not just in the mindset of masturbation and porn either, in fact that part is gone.  But on some level, I feel suddenly that I would be genuinely into the idea of having sex with someone.  The idea of some parts of sex still very much disgust me,... but there's something to the idea of the feelings it generates that I've suddenly dredged up a desire for again.  And I have no idea what could have caused this in me.  Like... I don't know if I'm just imagining it to make romance more feasible.  I don't even know if what I'm feeling exactly would make me not asexual.  If it is, I don't know if it'd be grey-asexual maybe?  I considered I might be for a short time.  But ultimately didn't feel like I had any true desire or sexual attraction.  But I... might now.  After almost 4 years.  I'm not really sure what this means for me, or how to deal with these new feelings.  And I'm kinda scared that my friends who have seen me as ace for years now will still see me the same if I suddenly reveal that might not be completely true.  Like they may think I was faking it or something... I don't... I just am not sure what to do with this information.  If it's even true to begin with and not just a strange occurrence.

Edited by TheFinalHolmes
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Hey, the human experience is complicated. Maybe you changed, maybe something around you changed (I don't know what applies but if there is any history of depression or medications or other potential lifestyle changes, that could play a part). If you're close to your friends you can tell them something that is close to what you have explained here. Suddenly thinking about sex again after 4 years of nothing and you don't really understand it. If you do want to talk about it (if, it really depends on how natural that seems with the friends) then you can absolutely do that without having a clear set New Identity™ in your pocket. It's ok to be kind of confused. Don't be in a hurry if you're still figuring things out.

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Don't get too hung up on a label or trying to fulfill your expectations of asexuality.  Maybe you need to experience sex to know if it could be something you like.  Long before I knew about asexuality, I couldn't seem to get laid so I hired a hooker so I could experience sex.  I went on to have a couple of sexual relationships and then lost interest in pursuing sex, romance or relationships.....about 25 years ago.

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AceMissBehaving

People grow, and people change. If you find yourself feeling these things it doesn’t change your past, and I think most people will understand. Some might not, but their perception of you is their problem, not yours. At the end of the day you only have yourself and your own happiness to worry about. And you’re better off living authentically than you are living a lie to possibly please others.

 

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Things and feelings change. I've known a few friends who would have called themselves 100% straight but who's feelings changed as they got older and are now bi-sexual or gay. It will be odd if it's something you haven't experienced in a long time but just see how things go. And don't be worried about labels, personally they're something I use rather loosely because they're easy to feel defined by when in reality we're all individual.

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On 2/21/2020 at 11:27 AM, Jade Cross said:

 

My favorite song. Thanks for sharing the lyrics

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And I am giving you the same advice i give to everyone else. It is your life. Nobody else should define you and tell you how to live. 

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People change and are more complex than maybe even they realize themselves. There's nothing wrong with that. 

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