Alexi.thymia Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 So, I recently got this app that lets me add people on snap chat. (It's nicknamed Tinder for teens, but some people, like me, use it to make FRIENDS. and we say that in out bios) Let me clarify, I am a teenage girl that is considered to be fairly attractive, so I did garner a lot of attention from a certain type of boy. Tonight, I added this one guy whom I thought could do no harm, and he seemed very sweet and funny, but then abruptly sent me a video of him.....doing it with himself (if that makes sense. I don't want to say the word). To my face, he said. And he spoke about how he would do these things very, very, sexual things to me if we were ever together. I was completely disgusted, and I felt the strong urge to throw up for almost an hour. Don't get me wrong, the guy was cute, and I've had boyfriends and girlfriends in the past and I've kissed and cuddled with a majority. But this guy got me thinking; I've never wanted sex out of any of my past partners, or from anyone, like, ever. But I do like hugging and kissing and all that jazz. And I guess I would have sex, if I wanted a kid or if I was really in love with my partner. Does that put me on the spectrum? I'm totally confused. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Hello! Welcome to AVEN. It is definitely the right place to be asking that kind of question. There are a few different definitions for asexuality, but we can generally agree on the main things. In very layman's terms: If you don't want sex, you might be asexual. In more complicated terms: Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction, so if you don't experience sexual attraction, you're asexual. Some of us define sexual attraction as the innate desire to have sexual relations with someone. Meaning desiring sex for it's own sake and your own sake. So if you wanted sex to have kids, you can still be asexual. If you have sex to please a partner, you can still be asexual. If it's a means to an end, rather than the end itself, you can still be asexual. There are other definitions for sexual attraction, but this one is the one I like the most and feel fits the most people. However, I would like to point out that AVEN has rules against us telling you what you are or aren't. Only you can determine your orientation because only you know what you're actually experiencing. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sinking_In Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Whether you are asexual or not is up to you (and probably a good counselor) to decide, but it sounds like what he did would probably disgust a good percentage of sexual people as well. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Abigail Rose Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 You might want to report that person so that they can not continue doing that to other unsuspecting people. It's really wrong that happened to you and is likely a pattern. 🍰 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 That person does need to be reported because what he did would be considered offensive and repulsive to the vast majority of sexual people too. Totally different if you've verbally stated that you love and want that kind of thing after they have asked if you'd want it (which is 'consent' in an online capacity) but just sending it out of the blue is technically reportable. Imagine if he did that to you in person (like randomly started doing himself in front of you) that's an actual crime!! So yeah you should totally report him. Whatever your sexuality is will probably make itself more clear over time. Just keep an open mind and don't ever do anything you're not comfortable with!! Good luck. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ennis Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 In my country it is illegal to send such a video without having been asked for it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ciki Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 6 hours ago, Alexi.thymia said: So, I recently got this app that lets me add people on snap chat. (It's nicknamed Tinder for teens, but some people, like me, use it to make FRIENDS. and we say that in out bios) Let me clarify, I am a teenage girl that is considered to be fairly attractive, so I did garner a lot of attention from a certain type of boy. Tonight, I added this one guy whom I thought could do no harm, and he seemed very sweet and funny, but then abruptly sent me a video of him.....doing it with himself (if that makes sense. I don't want to say the word). To my face, he said. And he spoke about how he would do these things very, very, sexual things to me if we were ever together. I was completely disgusted, and I felt the strong urge to throw up for almost an hour. Don't get me wrong, the guy was cute, and I've had boyfriends and girlfriends in the past and I've kissed and cuddled with a majority. But this guy got me thinking; I've never wanted sex out of any of my past partners, or from anyone, like, ever. But I do like hugging and kissing and all that jazz. And I guess I would have sex, if I wanted a kid or if I was really in love with my partner. Does that put me on the spectrum? I'm totally confused. Hello and welcome to AVEN! To answer your question:Yes it ablsolutely does! There are different types of attraction.And by reading your post,i see that you experience both sensual and romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is different from your sexual attraction (even though most of the time they go hand in hand and are the same). What this means is that you can be,for an example,a biromantic asexual (which you seem to be from your post).This means that you are attracted to both men and women romantically,but not sexually. This is pretty common among asexuals in this community. Many of them experience romantic but not sexual attraction. So,yes,you can still be on the spectrum even if you experiece romantic attraction. Hope i helped out a bit😊💖♠ Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ciki Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 30 minutes ago, Ennis said: In my country it is illegal to send such a video without having been asked for it. where do you live?Not trying to be rude,just curious. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ennis Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 57 minutes ago, Ciki said: where do you live?Not trying to be rude,just curious. Germany 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Personally I would have told him off for terrible film quality and then give an artistic lecture on everything aesthetically wrong with his dick. Or plenty of threats. As for whether you're ace or not, that's up to you to decide kid. Good luck. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted February 21, 2020 Share Posted February 21, 2020 Whether or not you are asexual, its inappropriate for him to send a video like that unless asked, and depending on your age, possibly illegal. At the least block him, up to you if you want to report him. People vary a lot in what types of sexual activity they want and under what conditions. There are many people who are only interested in sex as part of a long term romantic relationship (and many who are happy to have sex with strangers). Labels really are not important, just be aware of what you do and don't want. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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