Gnome.1 Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 So I've seen many on here describe themselves as grey sexual and state that they will have moments when they have a sexual attraction to a partner but that it is not something that lasts long. The attraction would come on every month or two and fade, maybe less frequent. My question is this, does grey romantic work the same way or do I have the wrong idea? Does that romantic attraction just kind of turn on and off or once it hits you you have it? Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Gnome.1 said: My question is this, does grey romantic work the same way or do I have the wrong idea? Does that romantic attraction just kind of turn on and off or once it hits you you have it? Grey romantic just means not quite one way or the other, so could be e.g. infrequent, low intensity, coming and going, etc. I’m not grey myself but I know people who ID as grey and they describe (in their case) as they’ve felt it like 3 times and nothing in between and nothing since. The “once it hits you you have it” could be demi, which is a type of grey. Link to post Share on other sites
Gnome.1 Posted February 18, 2020 Author Share Posted February 18, 2020 1 hour ago, Iam9man said: Grey romantic just means not quite one way or the other, so could be e.g. infrequent, low intensity, coming and going, etc. I’m not grey myself but I know people who ID as grey and they describe (in their case) as they’ve felt it like 3 times and nothing in between and nothing since. The “once it hits you you have it” could be demi, which is a type of grey. Going on 40 and I've had romantic attraction 3 times in my life. Trying to figure myself out right now which is why I ask the question. I am Demisexual but I question DemiRomantic. 2 of my 3 romantic attractions happened within an hour or so of meeting. The third was a long struggle when I lost my connection with my wife and then the sexual attraction. Years of work brought the romantic attraction back and eventually the sexual attraction. So for me it's the lack of frequency of that connection and attraction that I question. When it happens it's not with someone that I have known for any length of time or formed any real bond with So demi doesn't really fit. The infrequentcy made me think maybe grey and that's where I've kind of been questioning. Link to post Share on other sites
Iam9man Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 2 minutes ago, Gnome.1 said: 2 of my 3 romantic attractions happened within an hour or so of meeting. This is very similar to my friend who IDs as grey romantic 👍 3 minutes ago, Gnome.1 said: So for me it's the lack of frequency of that connection and attraction that I question. When it happens it's not with someone that I have known for any length of time or formed any real bond with So demi doesn't really fit. The infrequentcy made me think maybe grey and that's where I've kind of been questioning. Well then your experience is definitely similar to other people who identify as grey. For comparison, I’m probably at the other end of the spectrum; I experience romantic attraction more intensely and more frequently than most of my friends of other orientations. This just proves to me that there is a huge variability in how we all experience attraction in our own unique ways 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
DarkStormyKnight Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 Hiya! I'm gray-romantic. Your experience definitely seems similar, although gray is a bit of a catch-all term for anyone between being aromantic and alloromantic. If it seems helpful to you to use it, go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
Gnome.1 Posted February 24, 2020 Author Share Posted February 24, 2020 On 2/20/2020 at 10:31 AM, DarkStormyKnight said: Hiya! I'm gray-romantic. Your experience definitely seems similar, although gray is a bit of a catch-all term for anyone between being aromantic and alloromantic. If it seems helpful to you to use it, go for it! It is helpful. Truly I am just trying to figure myself out. Life events have me questioning things that I have just grown accustomed to thinking was normal. For me, the connection with gray-romantic is almost an instant one that leaves my head spinning for days. Kind of feeling like if you stay up for 24+ hours or take some sleep meds and fight through the sleep and end up with a loopy medicine head feel. Kind of wonder what just happened and why you can't think straight. Cant get that person out of your mind. The real problem for me though, and the reason I started looking into all this is that I don't connect at all with anyone outside of this. I try, I put in the effort and hang out trying to make wss bond or connection, but it never happens. People drop out of my life after 10 or 20 years and it's just an "oh well, one less person to make time for. " I just don't get that connection platonically or otherwise no matter what I try or how badly I want it. I don't know if there is a term for this since most things seem geared towards the sexual and romantic side of things but it's something that has been a struggle all my life and is really starting to come to a head forcing me to deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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