Asexual and Musical Theatre?

[EvieMabelMash]

Hi everyone, really strange topic here so I hope it's in the right place!

So I've recently (as in the last few days) found myself searching asexuality and have come to the conclusion that I've finally found my place to fit in, amazing and so happy to feel understood.

 

However, I'm part of a musical theatre group and obviously, a lot of stuff is about love and there's usually kissing. Now tonight, I was practicing a duet for a concert and the choreographer wants us to kiss. I am completely uncomfortable with that but they wouldn't take no as an answer and kept badgering me. Luckily my duet partner stuck up for me and said no too and suggested kissing my hand instead but now I'm just sat in the car crying. I feel humiliated and I don't want to go back, even the holding hands part was hard and made me feel sick (so you can imagine how I feel with the hand kissing!). The director basically told me I'll never have a main part with the group unless I grow up and get a grip.

 

Does anyone have any experience with this or any tips on how to cope with it? 

[the great acescape]

I don't have any experience with this, unfortunately, but I definitely feel like the choreographer and director overstepped their bounds here. Unless you're doing, idk, Romeo and Juliet (and I doubt it because Shakespeare isn't musical theatre!) then I'd at least imagine that there's no specific reason that you can't write your way around a kiss for plot purposes.

 

Is there someone in the group who you could confide in? I would suggest speaking to the director about it if you feel comfortable enough, and if you do it might be helpful to have someone with you who can have your back. 

 

 

[EvieMabelMash]

9 minutes ago, the great acescape said:

I don't have any experience with this, unfortunately, but I definitely feel like the choreographer and director overstepped their bounds here. Unless you're doing, idk, Romeo and Juliet (and I doubt it because Shakespeare isn't musical theatre!) then I'd at least imagine that there's no specific reason that you can't write your way around a kiss for plot purposes.

 

Is there someone in the group who you could confide in? I would suggest speaking to the director about it if you feel comfortable enough, and if you do it might be helpful to have someone with you who can have your back. 

 

 

How funny that you mentioned Romeo and Juliet because the piece is from West Side Story which is an adaptation of R&J 😂 BUT it is just a concert so I didn't expect there to be anything like this really. I feel like I'm overreacting but I don't know if that's because I'm so used to saying that to myself about stuff like this?

I've not told anyone about this and I've only been there a few months so I don't really want to tell anyone 😬

[the great acescape]

Haha whoops I don't know how I forgot about the existence of West Side Story, lol.

 

For what it's worth, I don't think you're overreacting at all. It's also fine if you haven't told anyone else yet - coming out to someone in a more public setting can be difficult. 

 

I don't know what specific character you're playing or how attached you are to it, so bearing that in mind you might go "Listen, I have some issues with physical contact and kissing. I'm okay with touching in x, y, or z situations, but this is making me uncomfortable. Could we write around it, and if not could I switch to another role?"

[JadeBat]

I'm a bit late to the party but hope this response helps if anything like this occurs in the future.

I also agree with The Great Acescape that you were not overreacting and maybe if you have issues with physical contact explaining to them and at worst changing roles.

I personally am not touch averse so don't mind the more close or physical acting with other people though at first it is always super awkward.

On the point of kissing I'm not a fan and terrible at it in my personal life and can't really act it any better so tend to avoid it.

When I've had to do kisses on stage I do a fake stage kiss the best method I've found is kind of hard to describe but I'll try - is to turn slightly away from the audience and place a hand on each others cheek then if you each put your thumb in your mouth and then link hands, done right it looks very much like a snog.

As long as it is done right and practised with the other person I've not had any complaints from the directors and so far they haven't asked me to actually kiss the other actor.

Though I know that sometimes directors and other theatre folk can be very snobby and snippy about it saying stuff like 'the serious acting world you just do the kiss, as it's just acting and not real'

 

Hope this is helpful to someone

[AnxiousAsexual]

there is a little thing called consent. if you are not ok with kissing someone no one can make you do it legally. the director over stepped and should not have put you in a position where you would feel uncomfortable. 

[SophieG]

Hi! Also a little late to the part but here goes anyway. So I’m a theatre major and I am shocked and so sorry that this happened to you. My department makes a point of always checking in with people’s comfort levels, even to the point of asking before touching other actors. We have staff members who work as intimacy coaches for productions as well, to make sure everyone is comfortable with what they need to do on stage. Your choreographer should not be ignoring your boundaries like this. You are absolutely not overreacting, they are not doing their job. 
It is absolutely not okay for them to go against your comfort levels like this, and I would also recommend talking to a trusted cast member or director, etc about the problem if it continues. I’ve had some experience in high school with this kind of thing, and I’ve found just discussing it with cast members or trusted adults usually will help you find some middle ground or solution. Your physical boundaries are incredibly important and valid, and you have a right for them to be respected. Besides, it definitely isn’t necessary to kiss after every romantic thing, there’s plenty of other ways to demonstrate that the characters care for one another. A fake stage kiss is definitely a good option if you have no choice, but I totally understand being uncomfortable with touch and it may not be a great option, just a slightly better one. If this continues to be an issue for you, I would also recommend finding some kind of administrator or someone with more power than this choreographer and explain the situation, if this is possible for you and safe to do so. I know theatre people can be kind of toxic about this kind of stuff, but if you feel as free to do so I think it might be worth seeing if anything can be done.  The people you work under should not be deliberately putting you in situations where you feel uncomfortable. And it is likely that other people have had the same issue. 

You are absolutely not overeating, and from one theatre lover to another I wish you all the best.

[JadeBat]

Two professional actors talk about stage kisses