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I might be demisexual (long, bit of a ramble)


accountholder

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accountholder

I've identified with asexually and queerness since middle school. I'm 21 now. Here's the thing though. I met someone about two years ago and quickly became friends with them. I used to think of dating them as being almost incesteuous, you know, "he's like a brother to me" (we share a lot common experiences and traits that, I think at least, are statistically uncommon for two people in isolation to cumulatively develop. I feel incredibly lucky to have met someone so similar to me, in so many different ways, and to have him as a continuous part in my life. I don't think I've ever met anyone quite like him)

But something changed recently. I don't know what it was exactly, but at some point we started going out together more than usual and getting closer in physical proximity (like him resting his head on my shoulder, tangling our legs together, playfully kicking each others legs under a table).  We've kept going on like that for a while. I don't do that with my other friends, but I've always seen my relationship with him to be. Different. Like I feel like I could live the rest of my life contently waking up with him by my side haha.

Anyway, suddenly, it was like a switch flipped on in my head and I was just thinking about, how nice sexual intimacy with him would be. I want to engage in sexual activity. With another person. Him specifically. I mean, before, if I absolutely HAD to have sex with anyone, I'd choose him because I know we'd be able to joke about it afterwards. But now, I actively want to get to know him sexually. It's very new to me. I don't know if what I'm feeling IS sexual attraction. Though, I'd bet my money on it being just that. I feel like this is what most people probably experience in high school, except I'm in the process of finishing up college and accepting job offers and dwelving into a transition period of life and I guess also being consistently horny for my best friend who I, in all likelihood, may not be able to interact with as often in the future. He knows I'm asexual,  and about these new feelings, and he's on the ace spectrum as well. He's a jokester but recently he's been talking about scenarios where we hypothetically live together and foster cats and make each other breakfast. This excites my soul and I've been actively considering coordinating with him in our respective careers and finding a place together.
 

I'm not looking for advice about transversing my relationship with him, but rather am looking for other people's perspectives on if I could be grey-ace, demisexual, etc. I know no one can know my sexuality definitively except me, but I feel there are benefits to seeing other peoples wavelengths on the situation. Thank you for reading so far.

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Network_Apparition

Well 'holder, it seems you know our community guidelines already, so since you're not looking for direct answer, I can say this:

I identify as demi, and I can relate to your experience. I hope your relationship with your friend is fulfilling in whatever capacity you choose to move forward in it!

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hey, if you feel sexually attracted to this person, then that might just be sexual attraction

so the thing about relationships, well...imagine you are on a boat, with someone you care about. and maybe you weren't sure about something. I dunno, like the waters ahead of you appear to have taken a 90* turn upwards, or you've found yourselves in a large patch of oatmeal that I guess was just floating out there in the ocean, or maybe you've found yourself some flotsam dwellers who want to replace your limbs with musical instruments? yeah, something wacky comes up. and, I mean, you could call the coastguard, dig out your copy of Men, Ships, and the Sea and look up any similar tales told in there, get like a profession opinion on how to proceed

but...really, it's just the two of you in the boat. you can make up whatever you would like to. if one of you says "Hey I got these jet engines in the hold, you want to bolt them to the hull and sail that 90* sea?" and the other says "um...sure?" then I'd say ye got something like a consensus there, matey

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Anyway, suddenly, it was like a switch flipped on in my head and I was just thinking about, how nice sexual intimacy with him would be. I want to engage in sexual activity. With another person. Him specifically. I mean, before, if I absolutely HAD to have sex with anyone, I'd choose him because I know we'd be able to joke about it afterwards. But now, I actively want to get to know him sexually. It's very new to me. I don't know if what I'm feeling IS sexual attraction. Though, I'd bet my money on it being just that.

Well, yes, that's basically what it is.  It's being drawn to someone (literally what "attraction" means) in a way that makes you desire sex with them.

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