I always feel so lonely

[Soraiko]

I don't know how long I can take this. I basically have no friends. The only people who could kind of be counted as my friends are people that I honestly don't like. I have absolutely nothing in common with them and they will never try anything I like. Hanging out with them isn't really all that enjoyable since they don't like to much. I do go to meetings with this anime group hoping to find people I can relate to, but their only meetings I go to are for Dungeons and Dragons and then a board game night. They seem to attract the people that don't seem to actually like to talk about anime. I like to cosplay and go to conventions and the meetings I go to have all the people that don't do those things. I'm not sure if they do like anime since I have never heard any of them actually mention it, except one person. Even if I do have anything in common with any of them, nobody there is actually friends with each other. They meet for one night a month and that's it, except for a select group of people that meet all the time outside of it. I have nothing in common with anyone at my job that barely calls me it. I'm trying to find a new one since I hate it, but there's no telling if I'll actually get hired anywhere. I feel like I want to try dating, but I feel like a failure at everything so it's not like I'd ever be good enough for anyone. My mom has always told me that it's fine not having friends and stuff, but that just makes me feel guilty for wanting friends and to be close to someone. I don't think I've ever really learned how to have relationships with people or talk to them. I have nobody to talk to about anything that bothers me. I can't talk to my mom about anything because she just takes it as me blaming her or gets tired of me trying to talk to her and yells at me. I've started talking with a half-sibling of mine, but I don't want to bother him with my problems. I know I should probably talk to a therapist or something about this, but I have no way of doing that either. I don't think there's anything I can really do about any of this. I just needed to vent somewhere about this.

[Abigail Rose]

You know, I have been going through the same issues for a long time. If you want a new friend I would be happy to have one too. Friends are important. Don't feel bad for the things you can't control. Sounds like we have both had that problem too. It can get better if you wish it to. Pm or whatever any time. I never sleep. You won't be a bother. I promise. 

[Auld_Mulk]

Loneliness is a relentless predator. 

 

If I may, you might wish to pop into the "Just For Fun" thread.  There are lots of good crossover threads between AVEN/Asexuality and other topics.  AVEN-specific Memes is great for a laugh.  You might find people you can start friendships there.  I believe there is a thread listing everyone welcoming PM somewhere around too. 

 

The meetup mart thread could help you find local aces.  Ace meet ups usually have activities and discussions. 

 

It is through vulnerability that we reach out for support, and in so doing we support another. 

[Abigail Rose]

56 minutes ago, Auld_Mulk said:

It is through vulnerability that we reach out for support, and in so doing we support another. 

There is not likely any better, kinder way that you could have put this. This entire forum and everyone I have had the privilege to share a moment with has proven the truth of it over and over. 

[ben8884]

Have you seen the meet up mart? Its a great place to meet other AVEN peeps and make friends. Meetup.com is cool too you can put your interests in and find groups of people who share in it. When I moved to a new city I also felt lonely these things can help.

[bakers_dozen]

I empathise. I have struggled with having no friends for a long while, and I still will feel disconnected and lonely sometimes. I tried talking to my parents about it but they would always point out some person in my life who I did something with at one point or another, so it felt like they didn't really get what I was trying to say. What I basically wanted the most was one or two people around me who I could tell about the small and large things that happened in life, whether good or bad. And they wouldn't need me to explain the context because they already knew it. I do have some people like that now, but I didn't think I ever would, so don't give up. Your mom is probably just trying to make you feel better, but it is definitely ok to want friends. If you can chat to people online that can still give you a sense of connection. I have done things like join groups and things but it is a bit hit and miss, so don't force yourself to go to loads of classes you're not really into to meet people (articles online always tell you to do this!). However it's good to keep yourself out there.

 

I know it can be hard, but if you do meet people at your group or whatever who seem ok, or if you change jobs and there are some ok people there, try and organise something outside of the group. I have found that it is a good way of seeing if you get on, because it often takes me a while to warm up to people. And it signals to them that you are interested in being friends. I don't know about you but I find it really difficult to ask people in person so a tactic I use is to ask them over text or similar if e.g. they fancy going to a particular film. Often even if they are busy or don't like that film, you can gauge from their response if they might be interested in something in the future and it makes it easier next time. I have also found if I try and keep up a communication with them via email or text that helps to build up the friendship more than if I just see them occasionally.

 

If you can't do those things or it doesn't work, it's ok. And it's ok to want friends, and feel sad about it. It's not always a person's fault if they don't have any friends, there are so many things that feed into it like your job, your location, circumstances etc. It's ok to take a break from forcing yourself to do social things too if you're feeling overwhelmed by it. But if you do feel like you might want to try dating, think about having a go. It's ok if you 'fail' at it, you'll have learned something in the process and you can take it one step at a time.

Thank you for sharing your struggles with us, it's so hard when it feels like everyone around us has these really great social networks and people to hang out with. But there are so many people who understand.

[Laplace]

For what it’s worth, it’s a pretty common problem for a lot of people these days to feel lonely even if they have friends; all my friends have kinda drifted away, and although I’m surprisingly decent at finding people to talk to, I never really emotionally connect with people nowadays. It’s just hard now as an adult cause there’s just no time to do many fun things, esp. if you don’t make really good money. You often gotta worry about losing your house and dying versus being able to make friends ☹️. It’s tough if no one at your job is likable though cause that’s largely the biggest source of accessible friends as an adult.

 

I’m surprised there’s not a lot of people that like anime within a group that enjoys dnd cause you’d think interest in video games, dnd, and anime would often overlap 🤔.

 

Wish I could give dating advice but I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m inherently cursed to never understand relationships given how poor I am at picking up on hints. 😅